Hi all,
I'm unsure if this is the right board so apologies if it isn't. Also, apologies if this is a bit long, I wanted to get everything across rather than drip feed if possible!
I should firstly say I had anorexia and bulimia from 11 - 24. It was severe and I was hospitalized in specialist units 4 times. Nearly died countless - You get the picture!
However, I would say I'm pretty much recovered now. I am 32 and I have 2DC although I have had minor relapses after each birth due to weight gain during pregnancy, I now haven't had a relapse or anything for a long time.
Lately though I've been having terrible anxiety around food. It's nothing to do with weight and doesn't feel like anorexia etc. It's a bit odd in that I've never actually experienced anything like it before.
Basically if something in the food is 'wrong' I can't eat it, none of it. It's hard to describe as it's not that there even actually IS anything wrong, it's not burnt or badly cooked, its just something in my head days 'its off/wrong/not right'.
For example the other day I went out to eat with DH and I ordered Mac N Cheese as I love it but after ordering it I saw that the N wasn't in a capital and was like this 'n' and then I just thought the food was going to be wrong now and then when it arrived I couldn't eat it. DH said to try it to see but I just couldn't and I got very very anxious at the thought. This has happened when I've cooked for myself and I actually just threw away a whole dinner for myself because a bit of chorizo wasn't 'right'. And I love chorizo! Again, DH said to just remove the 'wrong' bit of chorizo and eat the rest but I couldn't for some reason.
It's driving me mad and I'm actually unintentionally losing weight now, which is ironic as for once this food thing isn't about weight - I want to eat the food but then it's 'wrong' and I can't and I get so stressed.
Has anyone experienced this? I don't know what is going on in my head!?
Thanks so much.