I do not feel normal

[Zombieof3]

Hi all.

I've recently started a new job which I am really enjoying, however, the hardest thing for me is the social aspect of it within the team.

I'm not sure why but I am always so desperate to fit in - not sure if this is due to always being bullied in school and never feeling like I was normal like everyone else. I've tried to tell myself that I am an adult and I do not need to go to work to make friends, but it's very difficult always feeling like the odd one out. I struggle with anything social, I don't even know what is 'normal' topics to talk about. I can't talk about myself as I am boring, I don't do anything exciting or worthwhile to mention. I always tend to make out that I am not smart or clever in work, again no idea why I do this, it's really frustrating but I think sometimes I do it because it gets people talking.

I was due to have an ASD assessment but that's taking forever, and even with a diagnosis, it won't really change anything. I struggle to read the room, I end up just involving myself in conversations just so I don't feel completely alone, but it only makes me come across as desperate and weird.

Can anyone suggest any tips for social norms or what should I do? Do I go into work and not speak to anyone unless they speak to me because if I'm honest, I have nothing of value to add to any conversation. I feel so bitter at myself sometimes for being so awkward, it feels like nobody really understands how difficult and lonely it can be when you do not have any social skills. Any advice would be good because I don't want to be like this all the time? I just want to be comfortable around my colleagues.

Lots of people feel like you do and present as confident, so you’re not alone, and you don’t know how you’re seen, people may be completely accepting!

A good rule of thumb is to be smiley and cheerful and ask questions. Hey, how are you? Good weekend? I was just chilling/reading a good book/watching crime dramas. Etc. that’s is sufficient. Often people love to talk about themselves - let them expound on their topic and ask relevant questions along the way. If they say anything that chimes with you, add your experience of agree you relate.

Hugs. A lot of people find this tough.

That sounds really difficult. You sound like you judge yourself pretty harshly! If you are autistic, then it makes sense that you find the unspoken social cues challenging. It isn't a moral failing, it is just the way your brain works.

I would focus more on building up your self esteem and sense of self worth by focusing on the things that you are good at. What is it that you do really well, or that you really enjoy?

You might not make friends at work, but it is nice to be included and to feel part of the team. Ask about other people, how they are, how was their weekend. Ask to listen, not to reply. I think sometimes people get so focused on what their response is going to be, that they forget to listen.

Be open, and say that you are a bit socially awkward - better to be authentic and yourself than constantly be trying to hide who you are. I guarantee there will be people who would prefer someone quiet and introverted than someone who never shuts up.

I don't feel like they're accepting but I read situations wrong all the time, it's like being constantly unsure on how a situation actually is and it's exhausting.

I ask those questions but I even struggle with a suitable reply sometimes, Ive been a bit better this week. Just content with sitting by myself, it does feel lonely to not be included into the conversation sometimes but then again it's not always conversations I'd be able to really have an input

I do judge myself harshly, I don't really know how not too. I sometimes don't feel human at all, especially when everyone else manages to do everything with such ease.

The only thing I do really is read or watch true crime, nothing exciting to talk about for others haha.

I think I'll try and be a bit more open but 3ven that's difficult as I don't want people to pity me.