Really struggling

[4naanjeremy]

I am having a really tough time at the moment.
I have a disabled child and don’t work so I can take care of his needs.
I have no proper friends my husband and I nearly spend any time together I need to lose weight a lot of weight and struggle to sleep most nights
i just feel so so stressed and lonely all the time
my son is hard work and I feel so separate and disconnected from him (probably burnt out) and because of his needs I will be looking after him for the rest of my life. No career no travelling no time for hobbies or even to relax
The only comforts I get are eating and going on my phone both of which are making me further depressed
I have thought about leaving/suicide a lot recently but I could never do that to my child
watching my child struggle is so so painful and at the same time I feel resentful of his needs and feel I can’t even take a step back and breath before there is another challenging behaviour or meltdown
sorry if this is hard to read and rambling
if there’s anyone that can offer advise on how to get through this I would be very grateful

This sounds really hard, and as if you are doing everything you can. My cousin is disabled and we never thought he would be able to have even a semi independent life, but he does now, and even had a time working in a job. I'm not sure what kind of disability your child has, but as you mentioned meltdowns, i wondered if he would have autism? If he does, there is this amazing foundation called TheHorseBoyFoundation https://ntls.co/ which has centres around the world helping with autism.
If you can try and get out and move I believe that always helps with depression, maybe their are things in the community that you could do with your child and meet some people who are experiencing something similar at the same time?
Have you talked to your husband about this? Would there be any way you could share the caring responsibilities, and perhaps you could work part time, which would allow you to also have a life separate from your child.
Looking after a disabled child is such hard work, and you are doing amazingly. Well done, keep pushing through.

I was about to reply but couldn’t put it any better than @poppy65 ❤️ but just to add Maybe you could speak to someone, maybe your gp to begin with and explain everything u said here to see if there’s any support you can get for yourself and your own well-being in the meantime. Wishing you the best of luck x

also a gp might be able to signpost you to somewhere that might be able to look after your son every so often to give you a bit of a break, I know there are places in my local area that offer short breaks for disabled children to give them something to do and provide their parents with some respite xx

Agree with the above comment, particularly looking to respite care. This is exactly what it’s there for! Even if it’s just one night a week to give you a night to yourself, it’ll make all the difference. You clearly love your son very much, please don’t be afraid to reach out for help, they say it takes a village. And the world is such a better place with you in it ❤️