I don't want to do this anymore. It's been years and years but still people believe what the narcissist said about me. It was all projection, I was stalked by them and their flying monkeys, they still keep tabs on me now. I've isolated myself so much. I've come off social media, changed my phone number and give it out sparingly, cut off my landline because they kept ringing it and hanging up. A lot of people I thought were friends stopped speaking to me as they believed the narcissist who told everyone that I was abusing them. The narcissist contacted family (who thankfully spoke to me about it and believed the truth) they got to everyone at DCs school who all seemed to believe the gossip and a lot of our mutual friends. I was assured that if I kept quiet and didn't feed them the attention of getting upset, people would see the truth in the end. They haven't.
I've gone through almost every part of my personality with a tooth comb and can't understand why people believe them. I've seen two therapists who've helped me reframe everything and try to heal, I think I'm getting somewhere but then I'll go to an event at DCs school or something, get explicitly ignored, and all the feelings come back. I can't defend myself, I don't know what to say or how to say it. It's been so long now people would think I was stirring it all up again for drama. I question every interaction I ever have. It's easier to not have any.
The only thing keeping me alive is DC. I barely leave the house as I don't know if I'll run into them. I don't have anywhere to turn. It's making me paranoid. I used to be such a happy person, happy but naive. I hate myself for being stupid enough to be friendly with them in the first place. Now I don't trust anyone, I can't make new friends because I can't trust my judgement. I've spent the past half an hour googling ways to end my life. It would be so much easier to not be here. I'm not going to act on these thoughts, DC can't be without me, but my god it would stop the torture of this.