ASD, anxiety or personality disorder?

[IcedMocha]

This really, I have always had really severe anxiety but feel like it stems from something else? I’ve never wanted to socialise or have relationships with friends or partners but I have done - not successfully or for long by forcing myself to ‘be normal’ Have constant fantasies about running away to be alone, always have. I don’t work really and don’t have any social life and I don’t want either as I can’t stand being around people. I can only sleep enclosed so I now sleep in a closet which I know sounds mental and I’m quite ashamed about it and ashamed about everything which stops me telling anyone. I don’t know what I am if that makes sense. I’m almost at the point of going to the GP to try and get some help with figuring it out but feel like I need to have some idea of what I need to be screened for? I’m not unhappy as in sad but constantly anxious, fearful and worried about why I’m like this and what it is. I’m now in my 50s and have been like this certainly since a young child-first memories of panic attacks around 8. Does anyone have any ideas of what ‘this’ is?

You need referred and assessed if this is having an ongoing severe impact. On YouTube listen to Dr Gabriel Mate who talks helpfully about many conditions rooted in childhood trauma and anxiety. Only a psychiatrist can meaningfully diagnose you but therapy or counselling can help, esp person centred approach.

www.drgabormate.com

Thanks, I will look that up. If I ask for a referral to a psychiatrist will the GP definitely agree to that and also I imagine it could be years waiting list so just feel a bit discouraged.

Are you aware of the distinction between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? You can certainly ask for a referral, but I suggest you ask your GP’s advice on the best type of help for you.
I have no clue about waiting list times but if you don’t go to the GP then nothing will happen, so I’d say find out the story first before you get discouraged 😊

A lot of mental health conditions and ADHD and Autism can be diagnosed by clinical psychologist where I live so it may vary. These aren't the same psychologists that provide regular therapy, they specialise, some in only ASD and ADHD, or mental health conditions, or personality disorders. It's hard to know where you'd start, hopefully someone on here can give you some idea where to start.

My DC are all Autistic and the little you've said doesn't really feel like it fits there or with ADHD, but that doesn't really mean much. Only the right specialist can tell you that and even they can get it wrong. You could try reading up on the various possibilities, books, forums, joining support groups on FB even if just to read. I did this after my first DC was diagnosed and over time I worked out I have ADHD, now diagnosed. I have diagnosed GAD and social anxiety too and have wondered recently if I might be Autistic. There can be a lot of cross over. Its not unusual for Autistic women to get misdiagnosed with OCD or a personality disorder.

I think I know a little about how you feel.

Although I don't feel the exact same way, I feel similarly.

I like to be alone, enclosed, silent - I do have a job, a husband, and a family, but it feels very foreign to me, like I've somehow "got away with it" rather than it actually being my life.

If it's juat societal demands that worry you (i.e. the things you "should" have to or do) but otherwise you'd be happy, albeit living a little oddly, then all power to you.

If you're unhappy in yourself, then yes, GP. I recommend talking therapy over and above more structured therapy like CBT. But I am not a doc.

I attend private therapy weekly, it's one way I manage the way I feel as someone who is prone to hermitude.

A GP won't refer you to psychiatrist unless they feel it is needed.