How to stop overthinking

[AnxiousRabbit]

Hi, struggling a bit and realise how badly I have also messed up my kids.
I have always been an overthinker.
That thing where 30yrs later you are still thinking about the time you said something embracing to someone.
But also when you mess up and make a mistake you dwell on it for ages and can't move on.
And I am getting worse.
Not sure if it's because I am perimenopausal, if its mounting stress arkt work, or something else. But when I mess up I literally freeze and go into a deep depression. Can't move,can't do basic tasks.

And no I see my kids doing the same.
How do I break this cycle?

There was an incident with DDs friends yesterday. She's embarrassed even though she didn't do anything wrong. She is panicking that they will make fun of her.
I am also panicking and guilty that I didn't prevent it happening.

How do people deal with this over thinking and catastrophising? But also I do think there will be fall out and I am not catastrophising.

Hi AnxiousRabbit,

I saw your message and did not want to run.

I have been struggling with my mental health for a while, and I have learnt a few things along the way.

The first thing is that it is not your fault. After doing a lot of research, taking antidepressants, psychotherapy and so on, I am convinced that the issue is with the way our brain is wired. Overthinking and depression are not just something you can get over with. Will is not enough to overcome it. You can try mindfulness and exercise to alleviate it, but it won't completely disappear. If someone reads this and disagrees, please share your secret!

The second is that this impacts our kids. My husband, who is very kind and supportive, told me the other day that he noticed the kids are happier when I take antidepressants. He is right. It is because when I take them, I feel lighter; I can let go and let them be themselves. I don't shout, and I don't wish I was somewhere else. I feel guilty about this, even if it is not my fault.

Now, I am not saying you should take antidepressants. I am taking a break myself, and I am feeling it... I want to see if I can find another way because I don't like the idea of being on medication for my whole life.
However, I recommend seeking help and maybe trying medications if you can't cope. They can make a very big difference, even if you take a very small amount. Of course, it is not always the case for everyone but it is worth a try if you don't have any other options.

I hope this helps.

Hi OP. I think being compassionate towards yourself can help. No one is perfect and you're giving yourself a hard time.

Try to imagine how a less anxious person you admire would respond to making the same mistake - they'd probably kick themselves for a moment, then shrug their shoulders and move on with their day.

I agree with PP, I don't think you can change your predisposition to being anxious, but you can try to reduce it a bit.

I found CBT helped massively, it helped me look at my thoughts and learn to challenge them. Guided meditations also help and I had hypnotherapy which helped massively

May I ask, do you have any other “symptoms” of poor mental health that started before perimenopause? Or do you perceive that you have certain other “tendencies”, mentally or emotionally, which you perhaps beat yourself up about?

Lovely contribution by @SailToWhere .