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[Sushipaws]

Today is my daughters birthday, she is one and we are sitting at home doing nothing.

We had a great day planned but dh has a sore tummy and has now decided we are to broke to do anything today.

DH works really long hours as he's self employed and we have a really low income. This morning he had to move money around accounts so we didn't go overdrawn. I thinbk he's depressed, he certainly stressed. I'm trying so hard to be possative, I tell him every day how proud I am of him and how well he's doing.

He forgot mothers day, he thought I didn't think it was a big deal to me even though I'd been going on about the rare occation I may get to sleep in. I thought that today he would give me some recognition, it being a year since I gave birth to her, but he's just sitting on his laptop and he doesn't even realise I'm upset.

I feel undervalued and I feel so sad for my daughter that she will grow up feeling second best to work important dates like birthdays are not recognised because he doesn't think it's a big deal.

is there a soft play area near you? you could take her there just the 2 of you. it costs about 3 pounds to get in and you might even see some other mums to chat to.

Poor you...trouble is that it tends to be other women who understand the birthday/mother's day thing...and many men just don't have the same feelings about special days. Phone your mum? Sister? Friend?

It doesn't mean he doesn't care - just that he's got a different life view to you.

Your daughter won't grow up feeling second best to work - you will be around to make sure she has fun and memorable days and your dh will be around for some or all of them when work allows.

Perhaps he sees the success of his work as the most important thing he can do for the family what ever the day?

It's a year since you both had a daughter together - and it seems a little harsh to tbe cross with him for not acknowledging your achievements when they're his too?

It sounds as though you're feeling taken for granted but you do acknowledge dh is working hard.

Try looking at this time as temporary - look forward a few months/years - you'll be back at work bringing in some money - hopefully things will get better in the future.

Hope the rest of the day gets a little better.

Happy Birthday to yor DD!

And congratulations to you for making it trough the first year.

I think if organising birthdays was left up to dads, a lot of children would grow up thinking birthdays were no big deal.

Sorry to say this, but as a mum it is your job to do the birthday thing..... Have you made a cake and blown up balloons? Do you have any family who will be comming round?

And I'm really sorry to say this... but once you have a lo, it's not about you any more, it's all about them.

Thanks, I took my dd to the nearest soft play area, dh stayed in bed. It's not his fault he's not feeling well, I'd just been looking forward to today so much and it was an anticlimax.

I know it's not all about me, I was just feeling like we'd hit a big milestone at a year and I wanted to be acknowledged for making it this far.

It's been a shitty week, an old friend died without any reason and we're still waiting to find out why, dd may have swallowed a bit of plastic so we spent 3 hours at the A&E and my dh's bike was stolen. Guess I'm just wallowing in it a bit. Nevermind today is nearly over and tomorrow we can have a family day if dh's better.

I think the first birthday IS a big milestone for both mother and child. That feeling of "Wow/ Phew, we've done it!"

And you want others, especially family, to celebrate that with you. They just don't always .

Sorry the day was an anti climax for you. As someone else has said though, it probably just means that your DH has a different life view, not that he loves you or DD any less.

happy birthday to your DD sushipaws! sounds like you have had a crappy time of it recently. i put an awful lot of pressure around special events too, so do my family. in dd's dads family they dont even remember their mother's birthday. crazy!

dont feel bad. you and your dh are doing everything for your little girl. ye are working your asses off and clearly love her very much. reach out to dh and tell him you love him and you understand the pressure he's under. ye need to come together and support each other.

i think the first birthday is an important one for the parents too. it has been probably the most exhausting yr of your lives! raise a glass of whatever you like to yourself and your achievements tonight. things will get better. ((hugs))