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Feeling sorry for myself

6 replies

piximon · 27/03/2008 19:05

Don't really know where to begin.

DH will be getting home tonight to find his parents visiting him to tell him his mum has lung cancer. He is currently living in London Mon-Fri for work while I relocated to Devon with the children recently. His parents live about an hour or so away from London. I hate that I won't be there for him tonight even thought we've been through a rough few months.

The London house (owned by my mum) was put up for sale recently and now the completion date is tomorrow. DH has till Sunday to get the property empty. He had to take today and tomorrow off work as unpaid leave which we can't afford in order to clear the property. He has no one there to help him. My mum was supposed to have everything organised but didn't realise how quickly the house would sell.

My mum decided to relocate with us and found herself a full time job which meant she had to drop everything in London and move here to start work. I'm sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room. I more or less single handedly look after the four DCs (5, 3 and 15mth DTs) and baby 5 was due yesterday but thankfully no sign of coming out just yet as I just don't have the energy to cope with anything else.

I wasn't allowed to bring my cats to the new house so my aunt has taken them to her house. She can barely afford to keep herself so would have been kinder all round to give them to a rehoming centre. Instead I have to keep hearing how everyone is putting themselves out for me. "Oh xxx has no money because she has to pay for all pixi's cats" and from my mum "oh I need to go to London but what to do, I can't just leave pixi on her own right now so I'm stuck here"...

Just feel like there's so much pressure from every angle I can barely breathe. Yet I know that there are other people worse off then me and feel even worse for feeling so sorry for myself and DH.

Oh and I have a stinking cold which is not helping my mood or spirits.

OP posts:
shabster · 27/03/2008 19:09

Oh Pixie - stuck for words (and thats a first for me) would be glad to e mail each other if you want to. xxxxx

triplets · 27/03/2008 23:39

Now you two, found you both! Dearest Pixi, my heart goes out to you, it is so much to take on, esp with your new baby arriving at any time now. Sometimes you must feel like giving up, running, wondering what you have done, why?? We have probably all been there at some point in our married lives, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health etc. Life is hard, and to me its getting harder, I am not talking about our situation, but I just hear and see stress and unhappiness all around me. I am alot older than you Pixi, and I feel for you younger ones, I really think you have more pressure than we do. To have 5 very young children is hard work, I am one of 5, I remember my poor Mum endlessly working, though being the only girl I had to help alot when I was quite young, the boys got away with it. Yet I think it stood me in good stead, I am a very organized person, keep tidy and love to cook! On a personal front, Shabby knows this, up until Matthew died in 94 my life was near perfect. Then he died, the world inside here changed forever, it has been a 14 year struggle. Dh and I over the last 5/6 years have been poles apart, had some very bad times when I could have thrown him out or I could have run away, seriously bad. What stopped me? Well, in the end I felt that we have been through so much together, lots good, lots bad, but he is Matthews Dad, Rebeccas Dad, Thomas`s Dad and James Dad, I want us to be a family, to always be together, Matthew would want that to. Now sitting here tonight I don1t know if this time tomorrow my world will have changed again, I am scared. The one thing though that I do know is I know I still love him, afraid that I might lose him. Life is just a thread for us all, try not to lose a day, a day is a very precious thing. All will be well Pixi....all will be well xxxxx

shabster · 27/03/2008 23:49

Nice one Trips - I am crying AGAIN!!!! ditto what Trips said Pixie xxxxx

AbricotsSecs · 28/03/2008 14:14

This reply has been deleted

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frumpygrumpy · 28/03/2008 14:26

Pixi, its so hard to keep perspective when it all goes tits up. You are exhausted!!! You are wanting to be nesting and calm and you are having to be living all mumbled and jumbled up.

When I have these moments I get out my photos.....they have saved me through lots of times. Go and have a look at what the journey has been like so far. Look at your firstborn when your firstborn was born. Remember how you didn't know which was the top or the bottom. Remember the crazy mess life felt then. Look and see how you are the one that is the thread through all of it. Look at some photos of birthdays and christmases and look at your darling childrens beautiful smiles and happy eyes.

THAT is what is important. You did that. It will come good again, its just off kilter right now. It will come good again.

Lots of young children = bloody hard work = bloody amazing woman = worn out woman = self doubt = needs friends = multiples thread = love you xxxxx.

oooggs · 28/03/2008 19:48

hi pixi - you must be exhausted, 4 young children and very heavily pregnant - hats off to you young lady.

Stick with us and we will drag help you through - even if in virtual chit chat

Wishing you strength and stamina to get through the next stage in the pixi household

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