Dad's behaviour has changed. Is this a mental health issue?

[RoseWinter]

Hello there,

I'm hoping for some guidance as I'm not sure where else to turn for help.

Dad, who was such a gentle soul, very kind hearted, polite man, loved in our community and known for his kindness has now become very aggressive and angry. He's in his 60s, and we think he may have been triggered by something. In 2020, in the thick of lockdown, we went to the funeral of a distant relative and from my understanding, he didn't want us to go to this funeral due to a history of family politics when he was younger. Since then, he has become a changed man. Very repetitive in his thoughts, reliving past trauma, saying unreasonable things, getting worse with his anger ans aggression. We've had the doctors involved which won't do anything because, as an adult, he has to approach them and reach out for help, but he won't. We've also had the police involved when he's been threatening, aggressive etc to my siblings when we try to calm him down and we've explained that his behaviour has become worse, but they won't arrest him under the mental health act unless he seriously harms himself or tries to seriously harm anyone else, which I find utterly ridiculous. It is the only way he could be forced to have an assessment on his mental health but he won't go himself as he thinks theres nothing wrong with him and we can't force him as he doesn't listen and kicks off.

So we feel stuck. I don't recognise him anymore. It's like the same story from before we were all born is going around in his head and it's making him more and more angry, irrational and aggressive by the day. He has now moved out temporarily but we don't know where to but he does still pop round for his belongings. He's either not talking to us or hes being angry and aggressive to us. He's completely different when he's at work. He's normal and it's like he's functioning ok while at work. We just don't understand what's happening and where to get help. Like I said, the police have been involved a number of times but we think he needs an assessment of some sort on his mental health but he won't go.

Does anyone at all have any insight or guidance. We can't live like this ans we want our charming, loving, kind dad back or some help for him at least.

That sounds really tough @RoseWinter , must be heart breaking to watch your dad change like that. But I’m not sure there’s much you can do unless your dad admits he needs help and voluntarily goes to see his gp. Hopefully Someone might come along who has experience of this and be able to help advise you a bit more xx

I know everything on MN gets blamed on alzheimers for the over 60's, but some of the obvious symptoms are aggression and repetition, especially dwelling on the past rather than the present. Do you know for sure that he is functioning well at work? Are you sure he's still going to work if he no longer lives with you?

The funeral attendance could just be coincidence, or it may have triggered some mental illness that was already lurking. Trauma can do this. Could you get in touch with the Alzheimers Society for advice?

@Whycantgiraffesdance it's been a tough couple of years or so for sure, I've watched mum and dads marriage crumble and he truly believes we are taking "her side" just because we kepe saying we would like him to seek help. He's still working as far as I know, I could ring his employer to ask, but I really don't want to get him in trouble at work. I believe this is his only source of income to continue earning to live wherever he is living. He comes over to collect food that mum cooks and puts in the fridge, but the reliving past stuff that doesn't even matter any more that happened 40 something years ago and that being his reason for aggressive behaviour, anger, threats etc is just heart breaking. The stress of it all is taking its toll.

Hey @ginasevern thanks for your message. My initial thoughts directed straight to Alzheimer's and I did think whether this was possibly a form of it as I'm aware there are different types / levels to Alzheimer's and Dementia.

As far as I'm aware, he's functioning well at work and still at his job and though I've wanted to reach out to his employer to ask after him but I don't want him to get into trouble if this is his only source of income still. Like, don't want to give his employer any excuses fo question his work ethic and abilities + if I did call his workplace to ask them anything and it got back to him, he would be round here in a shot kicking off aggressively.

It's all just such a mess. Praying for something to sort it all out soon because we aren't coping well with it at all x