Holiday anxiety

[sophiesophiesophie]

We have come away for a little mini break to Tatershall lakes, nice little lodge along the lake and it's quite nice. Me, DH, Our toddler and my stepson who is 5. I'm feeling so much anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I have quite severe anxiety for some years now. Mostly around my health and intrusive obsessive thoughts. Everyone is tucked up in bed.. fast asleep. But I'm just aimlessly wandering around. I can't stop worrying and having intrusive thoughts that something bad is going to happen. I'm too scared to go to sleep. Earlier on DS kept playing with th knobs on th gas cooker. ,( not ideal but he's 22 months and into anything he can fiddle with, spent the night telling him off and peeling him away from it) Since then I've been in complete meltdown worrying there will be a gas leak or a gas explosion. Of course iv checked to make sure all knobs are off and I can't find any signs of gas escaping but my brain is telling my it's only a matter of time before we all die it I may even die in my sleep. I already feel like I'm not going to enjoy this holiday and I'm just putting on a brave face for everyone else but inside I'm filled with absolute terror.. I just feel massively triggered and not sure what I can do to stop these thoughts and get some rest. I am normally anxious and very over cautious with every aspect of my life due to being in such an anxious state all the time. This isn't new behaviour I had just been less so lately but now I'm triggered and the floodgates have opened.. I can't get any reassurance and I'm driving myself insane walking around the lodge like a crazy person. I wouldn't even go in the hot tub earlier b cause I'm took scared of germs and chemicals getting into body and hurting me, I won't drink the water from the taps because I'm scared ots no clean or will make me sick. Honestly this is my idea of hell and I'm a mess. No sure why I'm writing this post I think just to vent or some reassurance. I just don't know. I was super unwell a few years ago with my mental health and I feel like I did then and it's worrying me more. I can't think straight. I know all this sounds silly but to me it's not.

Sorry you’re feeling so awful just now. Sounds like you could do with speaking to your GP when you get back or just seeking out a therapist/counsellor to talk through your anxiety. Does your DH know how anxious you feel? Might help to tell him just to get it out there? I recently felt really anxious on my first night away on holiday but it eased off after that.

You don't sound silly at all op. I am an anxious person also but get extra anxious on holiday too, it's the unfamiliar environment and being away from our "safe place" of home where we have all our precautions in place and we know how everything works.
Have you anything that can act as a mental distraction? A book, an engrossing film/dvd, a crossword puzzle or word search? If nothing like that available then give this technique a try - it helps me to fall back to sleep when I wake up with racing thoughts or nightmares in the middle of the night. Think of a category (fruit, celebrities, car makes, countries) and then list as many items within that category as you can, count how many you can think of, or write them down, when you've completed one category move on to another and do the same again. It's tedious but it really stops my intrusive thoughts having something neutral to focus on. I hope you get some sleep x

My solution to this is to stay busy and when the anxiety kicks in at night, I come on here and read other people’s problems, then take a sleeping pill to knock me out.
Anxiety is shit

Yes my DH knows how anxious I am but I dont speak to him about it anymore as he says it brings him down and he doesn't want to hear it, he becomes angry which in a way I get it, it's probably exhausting so I just keep it to myself now because I'm to worried to say anything to him about it. I do have a therapist and we've been working really well and I've had periods where I've felt okay and less anxious and able to be reasonable with myself snd keep these thoughts short and sweet but it feels like being away in an unfamiliar place and too much uncertainty has seem off and its back with vengeance x

Can you wake your DH up or go to sleep with DS? It helps me usually.
I would also do a list for tomorrow e.g to buy bottled water.
Hope you’ll settle and get some sleep.

Thats great you’ve already got a therapist to talk to. Sounds like your DH is not helping matters - rather he might be making them worse. Poor show on his part.

Tha k you I will try that and see if it will help. Yes it's the unfamiliar and the uncertain I can't deal with. It's all the what ifs, and the scenarios I make up in my head. The gas leak, what if someone comes and tries to get in, what if this happens or hat happens etc. even though I know these scenarios are unlikely my brain is like there's still a chance and then that's it. I'm off on one x

Yes I agree. He's a very black and white person. He doesn't understand it and because h doesn't understand o it can't possible be real is the way he sees it.. unfortunately I've accepted his shit attitude towards my mental health as one of his faults.

That’s shit. Anxiety is such a horrible feeling.
Hopefully once you’re through tonight, you’ll feel more used to the place and it’ll dissipate. Have you gone through with your therapist choosing a safe, happy place and going there in your head? And calm deep breathing in and out?

Yes we've done all of those. I also hsv ADHD so I find.it incredibly hard to "go somewhere else in my head". I have a very obsessive personality so once I've got I thoughts in my head it's incredibly difficult to get them out and focus on anything else.

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I eventually managed to get a couple hours sleep last night but woke up feeling bloody awful! We've been to the farm today and had a lovely day and I even managed to bring myself to go in the hot tub. But th anxiety got the better of me and I had to get out. I've got the worst headache and feel so lightheaded and anxious and generally rubbish so now I'm anxious about that! Thanks all for your kind words last night. It really helped.. not looking forward to the rest of the day. I'm convinced I'm sick or impending doom for me is coming as I feel so bloody awful. Not able to discuss it with DH as it will cause arguments.

The way you're feeling is most likely down to lack of sleep and all the adrenaline running through you from the anxiety. I always get a headache when I don't sleep well.
You have my every sympathy. I'm also now spiralling as of today, so I am with you in spirit. I have meditated and gave myself a hand massage using aromatherapy oil in an attempt to keep the spiral from getting worse.

I think because I feel so awful I've convinced myself there is a gas leak in the lodge or the hot tub has made me unwell.. I'm considering going and staying at my parents tonight (they actually live about 15 miles away, I'm from the area originally where we are staying although don't live here no more) I would just feel less anxious as I've convinced myself this place is making me sick. It sounds crazy I know.

I completely understand. Try to remember that you felt crap when you woke up before you got in the hot tub so logically it can't be blamed on that, the gas leak thing there is no reasoning with unfortunately - I've also had that fears years ago in my current house when we first moved in. Can you try writing down your intrusive thoughts and then the evidence for and against them? If there was a gas leak you wouldn't be the only person experiencing symptoms as you've spent the same length of time in the accommodation as your children and husband so they would also be feeling ill? I hope that helps.