Teen depression - dragged you down.

[Flyhigher]

My teen is now stressed.
She was quite depressed for a bit. Especially in lockdown.

I think her depression dragged me down.

And I've not recovered. I've also had menopause etc etc.

But has anyone else been dragged down by a teen depression?

Mine was recently diagnosed adhd. Shes been on medication since February.

Highest dose kicked in this week. It’s honestly transformed her. Fluoxetine made her worse.

Its awful dealing with depressed anxious teens

Caring for someone with a mental illness is a really draining experience. I think it's perfectly understandable that you'd feel the way you do, not least because you've been on constant high alert worrying about your DC nevermind the practical aspects of them needing so much more from you. I'd reach out to get some support for yourself. You can't pour from an empty cup. X

@Flyhigher you are definitely not alone. It can really take a toll and it may take a while to fully recover.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow ditto with the adhd and it was feb too!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow can I ask what the medication is ?

You see they feel 'normal' when school isn't on. That's why you see them brighter at weekends.

My DD dropped out of school just after the start of her final year ages 16. She stayed in bed til early afternoon, but then I noticed would get a bit brighter then when the school 'day' was over.

When the exams were over she was happier because she said 'everyone is the same now'. Meaning 'I don't feel different and isolated because everyone at school and I'm not'.

It's like being on the Dole. At the weekend you are normal but come Monday you are a failure and different again.

She had been going along with stuff for years, then when the senior cycle hit and suddenly the 'future' as an adult loomed it just all came tumbling down.

She never set foot in a classroom again but she did go in and do her exams. I had to do a lot of liaison with the school.

With the exams I said 'do you think you will regret not doing them more than you might regret doing them? But it's your decision'.

Then she did a year long art course. Now she's gone to college and as independent as anyone her age.

So take heart, the school environment doesn't suit some people and it's overwhelming. But that doesn't mean they'll never come good.

But as a parent there is grief involved. Letting go the expected 'normal' path of school.

Especially if, like me, you are the anxious rule follower type, someone not going to school was very hard to get comfortable with.

I went to therapy myself when that was going on. Because I needed to not take things personally and find somewhere to explore my own anxiety and worst fears.

Xenidate. It’s a stimulant. I’ve got my merry little girl back.

my DD15 was diagnosed Autistic 12 months ago and with ADHD and Dyspraxia 2 months ago. She has high anxiety levels. low mood and PTSD. Hasn't been to school for over 2 years. I'm a lone parent (DD hasn't seen her dad for 2.5 yrs ) and work entirely from home.
My world has completely shrunk to the tiny bubble that DD feels comfortable with. My social life is shopping and i'm mentally exhausted.

That’s great! Honestly it was like physically watching the anxiety and gloom fall away. Every day she smiled more and interacted more.

It was like you could see it physically changing by the minute!

Does she have an EHCP. Mine hit this. It was and still is exhausting ( even though she’s improved)

I've found my people, and I'm sorry we're all on this hard journey.

My autistic DD, nearly 16, has done the whole social contagion journey, tics, gender dysphoria (both of those have mostly passed now) but each time it's replaced with something worse, and the something worse is FND- she keeps passing out, losing the use of her legs and we're in a stage where she's hardly in school and we're considering getting a wheelchair. Her fellow students all mock her and imply she's faking it.

She just wants to sit in her room on her phone.

We have a specialist therapist who sorted out her tics and we just hope that works, we're on the waiting list to see the pediatrician following negative eeg results for epilepsy.

I'm at my wits end and am worried she'll never be independent.

Hugs to everyone

She sounds in burnout. X

@hockeysticks89

in an ASD SM group about girls. There was a post about what happened if you ignored burnout and pushed through it.

Several people had had similar experiences to your daughter. The more they pushed the worse it got. Some mentioned losing use of legs and some mentioned FND diagnosis.

However, once they stopped going to school etc and reduced demand, they began to improve.

We’re in second year of burnout. Dd still can’t read or process words. Despite getting an 8 in Eng Lit A level. Recovery takes a long time.

The brain changes its structure as a result of burnout. It needs low demand to recover.

Thanks, this is food for thought. With less than a month to GCSEs, maybe I should put her on study leave now. That thought is a massive relief.

Do you have an EHCP?

I’d keep her off if you can. Then take her out. She can do an access course when she’s recovered.

Let me try and find this post.

I can’t find it!

Join the autistic girls network on fb. It was on there somewhere. Really helpful group.

Someone will answer you. Your Dd needs removing from that toxic school environment. It sounds awful. Being bullied for being ill😡

We’ve literally had to treat ours like a toddler. Just give her food, look after her and not ask questions. She sits in the dark a lot. But is definitely improving.

Thank you. No EHCP, by the time of diagnosis the school said there was no point due to the time it would take to come through.

I'll look for that group. All the very best to you, it's so hard.

Your school🤬

Mine dropped out in April last year. EHCP came though in December. Including appeal time.

Your dd needs one. Ignore the school. You can apply. Pm me if you need help x

I needed this tonight I am dreading Monday. My beautiful 16 year old is so unhappy and refuses school. I too worry, like a pp I am a great rule follower and this is the 'normal' path. So what do I do now? All anyone talks about is GCSES and university.
I have found a private counsellor as dd is having panic attacks and says she is scared but she doesn't know why😢.

It is so hard to visualise a path for her. I didn't imagine being a parent could be so heartbreaking.
I am sorry for others in a similar situation but, it is nice to see we are not alone.

Again, you need an EHCp. They will fund education at home.

And your Dd should be receiving home education by law if she’s going GCSE.

hockeysticks89 I would want to be certain everything else had been ruled out before accepting a diagnosis of FND.

Sorry you're in this too.

I know what you mean about being a rule follower and being well educated myself, I thought that GCSEs, a levels and uni were the be all and end all. Then my DD's therapist said to me that three a levels/BTECs from next September were too much for my daughter and I should consider only putting her in for two.

When I said that she may need the UCAS points in case she ever wants to go to university, she said to me that I hadn't grasped the seriousness of the situation and that I should only be thinking short term. She said that suicide ideation could be the next step if the pressure were not released.

It helped me to be given 'permission' not to push her to follow a normal path.

DM me if you want to chat. I'm in the midlands btw.

Thank you - do you think you could expand on that? Having ruled out epilepsy, everything is pointing to FND, and it's the therapist's opinion that it may be FND. The therapist has worked with the UK's leading consultant on it.

I was offered a private appointment with the consultant in June but as we have an NHS appointment with the paediatrician before, I thought I'd wait and see, due to the cost.

Thanks everyone who has taken the time to provide thoughts and advice.

Is the therapist a neurologist?

@hockeysticks89 that is sort of how I am feeling, although, I know I need to change my mind. I followed the traditional route school/college/uni and I guess I just assumed that is what my dc would do. It came as a big shock.
School has been spectacularly unhelpful. I work and it was beginning to affect that too.

I agree that you need someone to give you permission. Dd starts her GCSES next week so am very concerned about how she is going to be.

@hockeysticks89

I’ll bet my bottom dollar she doesn’t have FND and is in ASD burnout instead.

I guess it’s like chronic fatigue. If you push though it gets worse. ASD young women are always misdiagnosed. Please join that fb group, its really helpful.

Is your Dd exhausted? Wants to hide away from everything?