How to accept you can't have total certainty- OCD Intrusive thoughts.

[Ilovedogs1]

Hi. I've posted about this in the past but having a bit of a hard time atm.
I'm diagnosed with OCD and experience it more in the intrusive thoughts way and mental compulsions rather than physically checking although this can happen.
I had a big breakdown last year, probably triggered by various life events and it got so bad I ended up taking overdose.
Anyway, I spent a few months under home treatment and I've improved greatly. I'm back at work, go to the gym several times a week and am generally functioning quite well.
My problem is my irrational intrusive thoughts are in my mind every waking hour. A lot of the time they are a bit like a radio in the background and I can still get on with other stuff but I'm constantly aware they are there.
My main problem is the doubt I experience with the thoughts.
My thoughts are generally along the lines of me having done something bad/wrong but can't remember. For example 'what if I ran someone over in my car on the way home but can't remember it' or 'What if I've hurt someone and can't remember it' or 'What if I've ever cheated on my DH and can't remember it'.
I know these intrusive thoughts are pretty common in the realms of OCD and anxiety and I've been told in therapy before that no one can be completely 100% certain about anything. But the fear I feel continues. My mind wants to constantly sift through the past checking that everything is ok. But the thing is I'm never going to get the certainty I want. So what do I do? How can I get on with my life without being constantly afraid I may have done something wrong. When I talk to friends and family about things such as a night out they may of have involving alcohol where they can't remember the whole night or if they've driven somewhere on autopilot and don't remember the journey they just say they just know everything is ok. I know this is because I have OCD and they don't but I really need to not be stuck in my head all the time feeling fearful. Why can't I just trust myself. Thank you. X

@Ilovedogs1 Hey watching your thread for any advice, I think you commented on one of my posts. Im suffering with intrusive thoughts too and find it hard to accept any doubt that there could be truth in my thoughts. It so hard to explain to people X

Hi OP, you having great self awareness so I would suggest returning to therapy if you can as like you say this is about working on increasing your self trust and belief. There is something interesting that happens when we are able to question or doubt our thoughts which can be really destabilising but helpful in a therapeutic environment. I would go in with a realistic attitude, this is going to take some work and will be long term therapy but it is possible to chip away at the power of the thoughts. Good luck. Also if you read it might be good to learn about what we know about the process of thinking as I think this is relevant for everyone, with a diagnosed mental illness or not.

Thank you both for your replies. @coffeeisthebest do you suffer with OCD also?

I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but not OCD. I just wanted to share with you some of what my experience of therapy has been and the capacity to question how I am thinking rather than believing all the thoughts. I appreciate this might not be an approach that appeals to you.