Hello,
I would just like to share my thoughts and feelings. I will need to contact my gp and most likely get in touch with talking therapies again. I have suffered from anxiety before, last year during the summer break it was so bad that I could not eat, would vomit every morning, had so many physical symptoms such as tremors, dizziness, no concentration, fast speech, difficulty swallowing, waking up sweating, very fast heart rate, ectopic heartbeat, loose stools etc.
I have suffered with anxiety all my life, but I try my best to calm myself down by taking some time out for myself, mediation, going out for fresh air, talking to my husband etc. However, recently I have come to realise whenever there is something big happening in our lives I always start to worry and start thinking the worst is going to happen. I will try to keep this short, me, my husband and our 7 years old daughter (has autism) are currently living in a flat ( flat share) which is owned by my sister and mum, we pay half the rent and the bills. My sister wants to move out and wants to have her name removed from the property for various reasons. The only option she has is to sell the flat in the open market or she willing to reduce the price bearing in mind that any outstanding loans she has should be covered, she said me and my husband can buy it from her.
If we buy then my daughter can carry on with the same school she uses the assistance bus, I can carry on with my work as a Midday Assistant, otherwise there is no way we could rent in walthamstow as all estate agents have said that for us we need to rent a 2 bedroom flat as for 1 bedroom flats which are unfurnished the landlord only wants 2 people max with no child. 2 bedroom flats to rent are very very expensive, our income would not be enough for a 2 bedroom flat in this borough and plus we would also need a gurantor. Me and my husband do have a deposit so we could buy the flat my sister wants to sell to us at a reduced price (not in the best condition).
It's just that with mortgages me and husband don't know much and there is a lot to consider such as interest rates, service charges, the lease years remaining, early repayment charge(ERC) with regards to selling the flat before the mortage ends etc.
My husband and I could afford the mortage but we would like to keep the flat for around 8 to 10 years (renovate it and then sell it later for a better price) so we would have a fixed mortage first and then when we decide to sell it make sure it becomes variable otherwise we have to pay ERC.
There is a lot to consider and this is part of life, but I am getting so anxious, thinking of the worse scenario about repossession, falling into a trap regarding mortage conditions, falling into debt or getting into trouble etc. I also keep thinking that I will let down my daughter and because we have a child I keep thinking I will fail her. The constant fear is affecting my health and this is affecting my daughter as she has become very irritable, frustrated and the other day she was saying mummy sad.
I don't know what to do, when I come across stories about people getting into legal trouble, home repossession and homelessness it all scares me. When I go out if I see a homeless person I just start to get very emotional and start fearing that this could happen to me which I know is very unlikely, but my mind is so full of what if, and I start to plan and think of possible solutions for problems which are not happening to me etc.
I am exhausted, tired, just want to close my eyes and want to be myself again. I look so ill as I cannot eat properly have a very reduced appetite and just feel so down.