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Severe anxiety, intrusive thoughts and ongoing fear😭

9 replies

Bighugs88 · 13/03/2024 22:37

Hello,
I would just like to share my thoughts and feelings. I will need to contact my gp and most likely get in touch with talking therapies again. I have suffered from anxiety before, last year during the summer break it was so bad that I could not eat, would vomit every morning, had so many physical symptoms such as tremors, dizziness, no concentration, fast speech, difficulty swallowing, waking up sweating, very fast heart rate, ectopic heartbeat, loose stools etc.

I have suffered with anxiety all my life, but I try my best to calm myself down by taking some time out for myself, mediation, going out for fresh air, talking to my husband etc. However, recently I have come to realise whenever there is something big happening in our lives I always start to worry and start thinking the worst is going to happen. I will try to keep this short, me, my husband and our 7 years old daughter (has autism) are currently living in a flat ( flat share) which is owned by my sister and mum, we pay half the rent and the bills. My sister wants to move out and wants to have her name removed from the property for various reasons. The only option she has is to sell the flat in the open market or she willing to reduce the price bearing in mind that any outstanding loans she has should be covered, she said me and my husband can buy it from her.
If we buy then my daughter can carry on with the same school she uses the assistance bus, I can carry on with my work as a Midday Assistant, otherwise there is no way we could rent in walthamstow as all estate agents have said that for us we need to rent a 2 bedroom flat as for 1 bedroom flats which are unfurnished the landlord only wants 2 people max with no child. 2 bedroom flats to rent are very very expensive, our income would not be enough for a 2 bedroom flat in this borough and plus we would also need a gurantor. Me and my husband do have a deposit so we could buy the flat my sister wants to sell to us at a reduced price (not in the best condition).

It's just that with mortgages me and husband don't know much and there is a lot to consider such as interest rates, service charges, the lease years remaining, early repayment charge(ERC) with regards to selling the flat before the mortage ends etc.
My husband and I could afford the mortage but we would like to keep the flat for around 8 to 10 years (renovate it and then sell it later for a better price) so we would have a fixed mortage first and then when we decide to sell it make sure it becomes variable otherwise we have to pay ERC.

There is a lot to consider and this is part of life, but I am getting so anxious, thinking of the worse scenario about repossession, falling into a trap regarding mortage conditions, falling into debt or getting into trouble etc. I also keep thinking that I will let down my daughter and because we have a child I keep thinking I will fail her. The constant fear is affecting my health and this is affecting my daughter as she has become very irritable, frustrated and the other day she was saying mummy sad.

I don't know what to do, when I come across stories about people getting into legal trouble, home repossession and homelessness it all scares me. When I go out if I see a homeless person I just start to get very emotional and start fearing that this could happen to me which I know is very unlikely, but my mind is so full of what if, and I start to plan and think of possible solutions for problems which are not happening to me etc.
I am exhausted, tired, just want to close my eyes and want to be myself again. I look so ill as I cannot eat properly have a very reduced appetite and just feel so down.

OP posts:
Charlingspont · 13/03/2024 22:51

Oh you poor thing. The thing to do is reason with yourself. If you 'fall into debt' or somehow or other get into financial trouble (which you won't because you sound like a very careful person!) then you could just sell the flat and go back to renting. You might qualify at that point for help with rent.

You are also very much over-thinking the mortgage thing. Just get a fixed rate for a couple of years and then after the two or three years is up, look again at your plans and re-mortgage accordingly. And yes, try to get a mortgage that won't cost too much on early repayment once off the fixed rate. But a small early repayment fee is honestly not worth getting panicked over because hopefully you will have made some money on the flat when you come to sell it.

Also I think it's worth seeing your doctor and showing them what you've written, especially the last bit about losing your appetite and feeling so down. They might be able to prescribe something before you get more unwell.

You sound like a lovely person who worries too much, so go and see your doctor and get some help.

Bighugs88 · 13/03/2024 23:03

@Charlingspont

Thank you so much for your reply & for your supportive words. When looking up mortage deals I just need to ask the questions I have and be reassured before we make a decision. Yes I agree with you about contacting the gp, I know if I don't get some sort of help or relief I will go into a cycle of anxiety symptoms which are already beginning to happen.
I wish you well and thank u once again 🙂

OP posts:
overthinkersanonnymus · 13/03/2024 23:07

Op I have horrific anxiety with intrusive thoughts. Any type of change in my life sends me in to a spiral, but I always come out the other side.

I'm also a mortgage broker! Ask any questions you like and I'll try to ease your anxiety x

Infracat · 13/03/2024 23:09

If it is a leasehold flat owned by the council please beware. Ownership of these flats come with unpredictable charges and you could end up in debt. Check out the moneysavingexpert site for more info or google it.

Bighugs88 · 13/03/2024 23:19

@Infracat
Thank you for your reply, this is something that I have discussed with my sister as she said she will show me the paperwork regarding ground rent and service charges. We do have s deposit to by the flat, but no where enough deposit to buy freehold house we would have to move out of london, I would have to leave my part-time job and husband would need to commute to london for work.
I do know its best to buy flats that have many years remaining of lease, the current flat has a lease remaining of 115 yrs. We are lucky that we don't need to rush to make a decision as it's family so no notice to move etc

The renting price is horrendous the annual income has to be around x 30 times the monthly rental rent and then there is always a possibility that I would need a gurantor whose earnings have to be higher.

OP posts:
Bighugs88 · 13/03/2024 23:21

@overthinkersanonnymus
Hello,
Thank you for your message, firstly you my sympathy for the anxiety it is hell. I will make a note of the questions that I would like to ask and tomorrow morning I will message you.

OP posts:
Bighugs88 · 13/03/2024 23:24

It's also ny daughter's birthday tomorrow, so trying to my best to keep calm and spend quality time together. Thank u everyone x
Me and my husband will make appointments to see the mortage advisors at different banks and see what they offer.

OP posts:
Babamamananarama · 13/03/2024 23:35

Hi OP

On a practical note, you'll save time with a whole of market mortgage broker who can compare all the available mortgages and find the best one for your circumstances.

There's a really good book called The Worry Cure by Dr Robert Leahy that has good stage by stage exercises to help you reshape your thinking. Might be worth a look? I second the idea of going to your GP as it sounds like pretty extreme anxiety and it is obviously affecting your life quite a lot.

Bighugs88 · 13/03/2024 23:40

@Babamamananarama
Thank you for your reply, I will be making an appointment with a mortgage broker a person my dad knows hopefully next week.
The anxiety is really bad to be honest with u and it's taking a lot from me. I will contact the gp tomorrow the surgery is quite efficient with appointments on the same / next day.

OP posts:
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