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Mental health

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Original poster

my boyfriend looked at my body today with total disgust...

21 replies

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:07

this morning my partner looked at my naked body with sheer disgust in his eyes.. i have recently lost some weight, after an operation. the weight loss was partly my own fault i suppose. but was that look a signal of things really being over? this was all during an argument.. and some awful things were said too. if they were true then i am an idiot if i still think there is hope for us.. im still mad about him though and hd a whole life planned with him. i dont want to talk to any one in my real life about our personal things.

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 26/03/2008 15:09

Can't you put some weight on?

OracleInaCoracle · 26/03/2008 15:10

oh dear. what was the row over? what was said? and how much weight have you lost?

posieflump · 26/03/2008 15:12

you posted a couple of weeks ago in relationships didn't you, saying he says mean things to you? It sounds like you would be better off without him tbh

MrsMattie · 26/03/2008 15:14

Dump his sorry backside.

nickytwotimes · 26/03/2008 15:14

Anna!

If it were me, I'd want to move on. It does not sound like a healthy relationship.

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:16

i am trying to, but my apetite is just not there at the moment. he seems to think i have a real issue with food which i have had before, but i am not controlling this. i guess just a cocktail of discomfort from the op, and stress at home and getting better etc has just made my apetite go at the moment. he has recently been intimate with me, so there must be something. but it was just the most disgusted look - i dont think it was put on.
we have had big plans together and today he tells me he wants out..its just not the first time i have heard it.. but i do believe him this time i think. which is really scary, i love him so much and although its stressful at times, i love our life and our plans. and really thought he did too. not sure what to do now, i just want to talk about it i suppose!

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 26/03/2008 15:16

I also cannot believe what Anna888 has said here. Horrid attitude.

Anna8888 · 26/03/2008 15:17

I don't know what the state of the relationship is.

After I had breastfed for 7 months my partner instructed me to put on weight - he found the skin and bones repulsive.

He was right, too. It didn't mean he didn't love me to bits.

OracleInaCoracle · 26/03/2008 15:19

im a recovered(ing) anorexic and dh hates the way my body looks when i slip, but would never dream of telling me so. he knows that will make it worse.

what issues have you had with food before?

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:20

yes i did post a while ago. does that say something?
i have lost about a stone, so i am 8st now but i am 5'10 so its not a pretty sight!
i dont want to dump him, he is really good to me and we are great together...when things are good, they are amazing!
i have never felt like this about someone before, i really want to stay with him and some times i get the same back! just sometimes i get the opposite, which is really impossible to get my head round. he gets very nasty and personal. he either doesnt love me as much as i do him... or he is depressed or something? which would explain his mood swings?! i dont know!

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 26/03/2008 15:26

That is very, very thin KarisTiasMum

Can you see your doctor for some counselling to help you with weight and psychological issues? It sounds as if you could do with a helping hand for both.

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:27

it has been present my whole life, always hated eating, wouldnt eat in front of people, would starve mysekf for days, sadness stopped me eating, comments about my weight made me worse etc..

but i have that fairly under control now. i have slipped far below what i would want to.. this isnt intentional, i am just not hungry. i had a big op on my spine, the third one so far and its just exhausting trying to recover and stay happy for my daughter and try not to show i am hurting some times and the last thing i feel like doing right now is eating!

i dont mind him telling me i am looking ad not so good right now, because when we are ok it doesnt bother him to much. he still loves me and kisses me and takes me to bed etc.. but i just wonder after this morning if all those good things have been put on?

OP posts:

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:32

i dont really want to get back into counselling for it, i really dont see it as an issue any more. as a child i saw counsellors etc and i believe they made it more of an issue and made things worse. i certainly dont want my duaghter growing up with her mum being such an awful role model so the less of an issue it is, the better. i know if i start seeing people it will get out of control again. and i feel its under wraps right now. just other factors and circumstance have made it look to everyone that i am returning back to old habits.. but really i think most people would loose a bit of weight after al this.
is that a naive idiotic thing to think?!

anna... all comments are welcome! ha!

OP posts:

witchandchips · 26/03/2008 15:42

are you sure it was disgust and not worry/fear?

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:47

no not worry or fear.. i have seen that face too, he just looked repulsed. i can get over arguments.. we can sort those out.. and other issues but surely once he starts looking at me like this then we are pretty much over?

other than gaining some weight, which is just not happening as fast as we would all like at the moment.. i dont know what to do to make myself look better! i seem to just look and feel bloody awful however much i try.

OP posts:

Mouselady · 26/03/2008 15:51

Well the weight thing you know is an issue. You probably also know you need to see a dietician and get an eating plan worked out to see you put a little bit on, just enough to get yourself into the healthy zone. So you need to make yourself an appt with GP and get referred.
Regarding your partner, you should be with someone who offers you support, because you have a little bit of a history to deal with, and you have a little way to go now to get yourself back on track. If he cannot offer you that support, you have to consider if it might be better to be without his negativity.

OracleInaCoracle · 26/03/2008 15:51

have you ever been referred to an ED specialist? they are very different to counsellors (mine is fab) and will help you come up with realistic ways to maintain your weight.

when you are used to not eating you will slip back into it when you are having problems and/or are ill. its natural. when you dont eat you get a natural rush of endorphines to sustain your energy levels, and subconciously you try to recreate that "rush" in order to make yourself feel better.
but it isnt long term and wont help in the long run

PotPourri · 26/03/2008 15:53

Your partner should not be looking at you in disgust imo - whether a pretty sight or not!

Are you sure he had disgust in his eyes? It is hard to know what people are thinking, especially when you are feeling down - i.e. looking for things to validate why you feel rotten. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about the mean things he has said to you and how you interpreted his look. Tell him how it has made you feel, and ask for his support in resolving the issues that you (and he) have. If he is not willing to support you KTM, then you are better off without him. But if he is willing, you also need to be willing to work with him too - if it is going to work.

The doctor may be able to help you find something that will build your body weight up - protein drinks or something...?? Not eating will not be doing your mood much good either, as you body is in starvation mode, so it is hard to be fully rational.

Good luck with this. Hugs

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 15:59

i really dont think i need to see someone, i think i would been taking a real step backwards if i get into all that again. plus i just dont want to risk turning this into something it isnt? although my recent weight loss has not been intentional, it is still mentally hard for me to gain weight, if that makes sense? i know i look fairly gross.. very low energy, finding recovery hard etc but there must be something deep inside me which has been there my whole life which is dead against me gaining weight. even thought now i am an adult and feel that the eating disorder is under control, its still like i subconsciously wont allow myself to do it. but on the other hand i am just not hungry and food is just making my feel sick and unhappy right now because there is such pressure on me from all directions to gain weight. even though this time i want to.. that made no sense!! i hope someone understood that...

OP posts:

Original poster

KarisTiasMum · 26/03/2008 16:06

thank you potpourri.. he is a very loving and suportive man and if i needed it he would support me. and he does!! well always has, but if he has given up on us now i guess he wont?! but his mood swings are frightenting at times and make me think that he is fed up and just wants to get out...

i want to talk to him, not about my eating because im scared to really. i dont want to talk to people in real life about this just now. butabout our relationship, if its over i guess i just have to start getting used to the idea? i just dont want to because i am hanging on to all those times when his mood is so good and he loves me. which are never that far away from the bad moods and he bloody hates me... so i dont know which to believe really!

OP posts:

OracleInaCoracle · 26/03/2008 16:11

karis, i have been to see many counsellors and to look at me you wouldnt know now that i have a problem. i have maintained a healthy weight for many years. however it is not something that goes away, i still have an anorexics mind. and EDs will often reappear when you are ill/under stress. just pop to your gp and have a chat, it may be that you do just need protein drinks, but seeinga specialist who understands the complexities of eds will help. dont think of it as a step back, but a step toward getting back on track.

Flip