Do you "click" with people you share a diagnosis with? Or with other diagnoses?

[andspiraling]

Just curious, as you're usually told to look for other neurodivergent people if you're diagnosed as neurodivergent. But I rarely feel a connection with other diagnosed neurodivergent people, and sometimes it's more like "anti-chemistry"...

But I've found it nice talking with people with mood disorders and anxiety disorders.

How's it for you?

Personally no I don’t. I have ASD but only diagnosed in my mid 30s (previously diagnosed as EUPD and believe me I did NOT click with others then!)

I am considered very high functioning (not a term I like to use but it’s the easiest way of describing it) and am impacted mostly just through sensory issues, risk of social burnout and a need for routine.

I don’t come across too many other ND people in my daily life but I am part of a support group for ND staff at work. Again, I don’t feel I click or resonate with any of them at all as they seem to just focus on the problems they have rather than solutions (and never seem to understand the concept of ‘reasonable’ adjustments)

I am newly diagnosed with autism. I also have anxiety, depression and ocd.
I have always been attracted to “quirky” women as friends and I now wonder if at least a few of them have undiagnosed autism.
Interestingly though in men for relationships and marriage I have always been attracted to socially confident men and I think I was looking for something I lacked.

I am diagnosed with EUPD, and I didn't 'click' or find anything in common with the others I met in group DBT (so we all has the same diagnosis). They seemed chaotic, and almost proud of being unwell at times, which didn't sit right with me.

My DP has ASD, and he has no patience for a lot for ND people he meets... even though he can chat for England. He often gets overwhelmed by them, so removes himself from group situations.

I like to think I connect more with people for deeper reasons than diagnosis.
It is like saying if you are diabetic, then you will find diabetic friends.

@XenoBitch have you ever been investigated for ASD? As I was in completely the same boat as you. I remember coming home from my first group DBT and crying to my mum saying - they’re not like me, they’re all mad. One girl had just gleefully told the story of how she’d tried to set her ex’s house on fire that very weekend - she was definitely proud of it! Turns out I’m autistic but had to really fight for a second opinion.

I'm curious about this as my DD has ADHD and seems to have more friends with ADHD than chance would predict. They seem to just be on the same wavelength.

I've always found it difficult to make friends, but had a small group of people from college that I just seemed to click with, and have stayed in touch with since. Fast forward to our 30's and most of us had kids at a similar time and nearly all of them have some type of neurodiversity.

Through the diagnosis of my kids, it became clear that DH & I both have a number of traits, so given the genetic element and the fact we have two autistic DC, I'm fairly confident we ended up together due to both been neurdovergent. From taking to others in the group, many have had similar realisations, so it appears that we all 'clicked' because we were undiagnosed neurdivergent, who found each other in college without knowing why. (90's childhood, so diagnosis was low, especially in girls)

No, but it has crossed my mind a lot, and my DP has even offered to pay for a private assessment. But then, I was under CMHT for years.. surely they will have picked up ASD in that time? But then if you have the EUPD/BPD label, it follows you about, and possibly puts a damper on getting assessed for other things.

There was a lady in my DBT group who was very proud about being admitted to A&E for suicidal ideation... and punching a nurse. Other people in the group thought she was amazing. I thought she was a prize twat.

Only autism. I found when i shared I have PTSD (diagnosed!) People downplay it and ask when I might be over "it". Without knowing what "it" was that led to a diagnosis.

Ha! What am I saying! I told my daughter's kindergarten teacher I've just been diagnosed and she asked me why I need the label and followed with "we are all a bit on the spectrum aren't we?"

Sigh.

@XenoBitch I would really recommend looking into it. The Trust I was under (and who I ironically work for) have a reputation of giving an EUPD diagnosis to anyone who doesn’t quite fit into their other boxes - I was diagnosed after ten minutes with a locum psychiatrist! I’d been in and out of services since I was 15 and not one person ever suggested autism until I did! Totally get what you mean about the PD stigma and what partly spurred me on to get a second opinion was being denied life insurance!

I’m hoping to start a PhD soon myself looking at ASD misdiagnosis as EUPD, but your story definitely sounds a lot like mine.

I have a BPD diagnosis but as we all know that's often incorrectly given to ND women. I can hugely relate to those I've met who have ADHD. All my close friends have MH/ND diagnoses with the vast majority being ND.

I relate a lot to other autistic people, my best friend is autistic and I'm sure that's part of why we clicked (neither of us was diagnosed when we met).

I belong to an autistic group which is Scotland wide. I enjoy the online conversations and the monthly meet ups.

Obviously, I don't like all autistic people, some are really annoying, especially the ones who are into autism politics.

I shared with a new friend that I was getting to know that I had attended some NHS classes on anxiety and she was really interested in that because she had anxiety too. In the end I don't think it was a healthy thing to bond over because she was really into talking about it repeatedly and how 'hard things are,' rather than bonding over other interests or talking in an empowering or uplifting way. Realised that it was a negative kind of friendship in the end that didn't make me feel good about myself and we drifted apart.

This is the same as me! Almost all my friends from uni onwards have ASC or ADHD (I have both) but most of us weren't diagnosed until later so I think there is something in being on the same wavelength

No, my experience tells me people with mental health issues (myself included) tend to be incredibly self absorbed. It's the nature of the condition. I don't like support groups for this reason either.

The EUPD groups (online) I use to be in were toxic for this reason.
No one wanted to get better. They were not interested in coping skills etc. They just wanted to rant. And a good deal of their "problems" were one sided stories about how awful everyone in their life was... and wanting validation from the members about that.

Yes. I'm adhd and seem to be friends with many people who share the same (but undiagnosed ) traits. I also teach and am drawn to many children who go on to be diagnosed adhd/autusm.

I would not know where to start!
Would I need to get info from my parents?

Good luck with your PHD! I would defiantly read anything on ASD ad EUPD misdiagnosis. It is certainly something that needs looking into.

Thank you - it would only be part-time so likely to be a lot of years before I could produce anything of note unfortunately!

They do try and ask for feedback from people who have known you when you were younger but it's not 100% necessary. It would depend on what area you are in as to whether you need to start with a GP appointment or if you can self-refer - I would trying googling 'autism diagnostic process [your county]' and see how what it says...

I don’t click with other people with my diagnosis's per se. I’ve met many autistic people, as well as people with ADHD, who are great and a joy to be around but I’ve also met many who are awful company.

My husbands autistic and has ADHD (like our parents and siblings) but it was the shared experience of having abusive parents and being outsiders in our own families that created a deep connection.

I had a look. It is GP/MH professional referral only.. and is based where I was under CMHT.
My DP was diagnosed before I met him, but he went through a few GPs before getting referred as they said "a diagnosis is pointless as there is no support anyway".
I very rarely see my GP, and the only MH person I see is with MIND (once every 2 months and I have only had one appointment so far with my new person. They keep getting changed).
I still see my parents regularly, but asking about stuff like this makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and vulnerable. They are not understanding of MH or ND at all. I was sectioned for a month before they found out. They were very invalidating when I was growing up.

Not particularly, but I met a lady a few weeks ago and we are just... the same. Symptoms, treatment, progression. Everything. We really clicked because of that, but we would have been friends anyway I think as she's lovely and very fun.

Yes this is my experience of groups for people with my diagnosis too. No one wants to get better, they just want a whinging well and validation/pat on the back. It's very hard to be around those kind of people when you're at a different stage and want to learn to live well/get better.

@XenoBitch To be honest they are right - there's no additional support provided after diagnosis because you can't 'treat' ASD so the focus in on treating any comorbid conditions that have probably resulted from it - anxiety, depression, etc. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't pursue an assessment but to be honest I did it because the EUPD diagnosis was affecting my own life so much e.g. being refused for life insurance, being put on medication that made me forget my own name. But I also know quite a few people who never pursued an ASD diagnosis, they just know that's how they are. I'm sorry to read about your experiences with your parents - my childhood was also very difficult and in my case I think it would have been easier knowing why I was 'different'.

@Menklehelf That's totally true - I hated those groups. I work in MH as well and there's a massive push not to admit patients with this diagnosis and especially put them on a ward together as it turns into a competition around who can be the most 'unwell'

I work with a wide variety of people with autism and learning disabilities and they like being in groups with each other as a comfort thing but I notice they much prefer chatting to NT people. But NT people tire of them quickly due to the monologing etc. So it would be ideal if they could find friends easily amongst each other as a lot of them are lonely but it doesn’t always work like that