Question about self-harming?

[tired2day]

My friend has recently admitted that she feels the need to cut herself (she hasn't as yet). She won't go to the GP as she doesn't want that on her medical records.

What can I do as a friend to help her? And more imortantly, why do people feel the need to self-harm? I really want to try and understand why as I could never do anything like that to myself.

if you google "bristol crisis centre for women" they will have lots of useful info on self-harm , including info for friends/family

thanks TotalChaos .

Tired, I think it gives them a feeling of control - they can control how and when they cut, when all else in their life feels out of control.. and when they bleed it gives them a feeling of release and relief.

are you sure she has not started to cut herself yet? ask to see her arms.
i hear that it was recommended that when have the need to self harm to dunk your face in cold water or slice up ice cubes.apparantly it is the latest remedy. sadly if it is what she feels like doing nothing you can say will stop i am afraid. just be there for her. perhaps see a councellor or something to come ot the root of why she feels this way.
i know what she means, i have self harmed written all over my pregnancy notes which does concern me.

beth I haven't noticed any marks on her arms, but will take a closer look when i see her tomorrow.

As for the GP thing, she won't even see her GP for anxiety and depression (wich I personally think she suffers), because she's afraid it may stop her from finding employment.

it will not affect her employment as that is classed as discrimination and usually medical records are not checked. being depressed does not usually affect your job if you are capable of doing it iykwim.
obviously there is something in her life that she feels she has no control over. is her relationship if she has one ok?
all you can do is tell her that you are there for her and if she ever gets the urge to self harm ot call you or pop over for a chat about it. a problem shared is a problem halved.
once you start it can become addictive so you really need to distract her in someway.

Be watchful for anything tired.

My dd1 has been self harming for the last 2 years and I never noticed a thing!

Just be watchful and BE THERE FOR HER.

Cutting has an immense amount of relief and release. It's a lack on control in life, and a lack of self control...so one abuses to keep control, to harm and to FEEL PAIN which seems justified at the time.
To see the blood, is the pain wahsing away...just keep an eye on her, and let her know you'll be there.
She will appreciate your friendship. Wish I had a friend as caring as you.

Bless you angel x x x

Everyone self harms for different reasons and for different reasons at different times.

My own self harm is never abouta release or control and I get a bit annoyed when people tell me it is tbh.
For me self harm serves a function to calm me down (it hurts too much to think), to punish myself, to demonstrate distress. But thats me, and thats personal.

I would ask her why she wants to do it.

You can get a job with self harm stuff on your records. I have pushed the boat out recently with mine and continue to work in hospital.

I had a big problem with self harm last year. I can't really explain why I did it. But I felt I needed to. It can become very compulsive and addictive and is a hard cycle to break ime.

Please dont ask to see her arms, if she has already been self harming, then this will be immensely confrontational and upsetting for her. It also wont prove anything, I used to self harm, yes on arms, but also legs, breasts, tummy.

Bristol crisis centre is great, not just for bristolians. I would reccommend she talk to them, on their helpline if it is still running.

Be there for her and listen to her, but please dont preach, or demand that she stop. It isnt as simple as that. It took a lot of professional help for me to stop, and I still waver though I havent done it for quite some time.

Yes, things like holding ice, drawing on your skin with red pen, etc can help, but they really dont give the kick or release that actual cutting does.

I also cut not too often thankfully because I always feel guilty afterwards. For me the reason is a physical expression of an emotional feeling that is too much to deal with. The physical pain is a physical manifestation of the emotional pain and for me makes it more cope able with.

It took me a long time to admit what I did to anyone in RL the only person I have told was my midwife. The fact that she has told you is a major compliment I am not sure asking to see she has not self harmed as bethoo suggests is would be helpful it may make things worse.

You can both get some help and information here

Bristol Crisis Service for Women
Understanding self-harm by Mind
Self-injury: You are NOT the only one
The National Self-Harm Network
Self-Harm by Royal College of Psychiatrists
Self-Injury & Related Issues (SIARI)
LifeSIGNS

If she wishes to try something like CBT although one to one treatments would be better there is a free onlin CBT course called Living Life to The Full she could try there is at least one other free one online called moodgym but this one is split into sections and there may be something that fits her reasons for feeling the need to cut and she could do it anonymously if she felt the need.

I think sometimes it's a way of punnishing yourself for feeling the way you do or being so crap. Or hurtig yourself physically because you hurt so much inside and the physical pain kind of takes your mind off it or maybe makes you understand it a bit more. Often it's taking your anger out on something that you know won't retaliate.

I came on here to recommenbd the national self marm network, but see that someone else has already.

It is a very good site, and for friends/relatives too, although I kept fetting told off on it!