Finally asking for help

[Caledoniablue]

I've finally taken the plunge and made a doctors appointment for Friday morning.

I've been struggling with depression for the last 3 years after being off meds since I was 22. I thought I was handling it and thought I could get out of it on my own but I can't.
I feel so numb, I look at my son and can't even feel joy from him anymore, I'm so fatigued constantly and have absolutely no concentration or motivation to run my business. I feel like there's just nothing but a black cloud over me all the time.
I started feeling worse over the last few weeks, I wake up and its like there's something heavy sitting on my chest, I don't even want to get out of bed.
I think I had a panic attack yesterday, my heart was beating out of my chest, I felt dizzy and like I was going to be sick, I just couldn't get it together
I know something has to change, it isn't fair on my dh and ds that I'm like this but I'm terrified of going back on meds!

Can anyone share any stories with me of how meds have helped, how long did it take? I don't really want anyone to know apart from dh, but I'm so scared that side effects will stop me being able to function, not that I'm functioning great now anyway to be honest!

Hopeful bump

So sorry to hear your struggling @Caledoniablue I can relate to a lot of what you’re feeling! I think it depends on the individual and what medication you are put on. I have tried a few different anti depressants, one I had awful side effects with including nausea, upset stomach and heightened anxiety but others weren’t so bad. The trouble is you need to give a medication time to work its way into your system so sometimes you have to ride out the side effects before you actually feel better! But if u do find the right medication it can be life changing! Good luck with whatever you decide. x

Well done for reaching out. That's a really hard thing to do so good on you for getting the courage up.

It might take some time to find the right antidepressant for you. I had to take a few different types. But when I found the right one, it was instant relief. It's been miraculous, honestly.

Sorry you are not feeling well. I really relate to what you are saying, I haven’t felt myself for over 2 years since I lost an immediate family member followed by so many awful events, outwardly I’ve coped with everything, I’ve been carrying on with life but almost as though I’ve been watching it rather than joining in and enjoying it if that makes sense.

Anything fun felt like a chore.

I’m also self employed and had no motivation. I felt so absolutely exhausted all the time.

My DH has been amazing but I felt I was being so unfair to him not doing anything about the way I was feeling. Any spare time I’ve had I’ve just wanted to rest/sleep as I haven’t been sleeping at night.

I started having anxiety/panic attacks in January, something I’ve never experienced before, I think my body was just so run down.

My GP prescribed setraline 5 weeks ago, initially I felt that I didn’t need it but I was also so afraid of the side effects that I put off taking it for 4 weeks.

I finally decided to try it a few days ago when I admitted to myself I needed a total reset and I couldn’t allow things to get worse.

So far the side effects for me have been mild, slightly fizzy head and mild headache. Nothing I can’t cope with. I keep telling myself each time I take my tablet I am a day closer to feeling better, I’m finally doing something about it.

There is a small but lovely group of us on the setraline help thread that all started taking the medication around the time and we are checking in daily, please come and join us even if you are prescribed something different, for me it’s been good to have somewhere to catch up with people in the same position.

Good luck on Friday, it’s the first step to feeling better, asking for that help is a huge step closer than I was a few weeks ago.

Did the medication work for you before?

@YouDidntEvenAskIfSheWasThereMoriarty
Thank you so much for replying, can I ask how many different types you had to try before you knew it was right? Was it like going back to the start every time?
I know nothing will be a quick fix and that every day will be a step forward, I think I'm so nervous because my business is mostly seasonal, and we're heading into the busy season now and I'm scared that side effects will make me worse than I am now.

I'm glad you found the right one for you, it must feel like such a relief

Well done @Itismarchalready that's great that you've taken the first step too. I totally relate when you say you need a reset, I almost can't remember what it feels like to be me if that makes sense.
I'll definitely have a look for the thread you're on over the weekend.

It's great that you've got a supportive dh, I haven't even told mine I've booked an appointment yet, things are so bad with us. I barely talk to him anymore apart from if its to do with ds, I understand that he's so sick of me being negative and awful most of the time and I barely have the energy to say anything to him. I hope things will become clearer as I get better.

I'm honestly not sure if medication worked last time, I was on fluxotine for around 18 months but I was living a pretty unhealthy lifestyle at the time, drinking too much and generally being a wild 20 year old. I came off the tablets at the same time that I moved cities and got a new job so I guess they must have worked to an extent. Feels like a long time ago!

I had to try a few. I react quite badly to the traditional ones though so I likely tried more than average.

I tried fluoxetine, citalopram, venlafaxine, imipramine, duloxetine, and then finally trazodone, which was the perfect one.

A lot of those made my anxiety worse because they had too much pep, if that makes sense. Imipramine worked well but I ended up getting a rare side effect months in. The others I gave up on quite quickly because I felt so awful, so I either had just one or gave up within a week.

So while I had to start another, it wasn't too much time wasted because I was quick to say I didn't like them. I also tried different ones at different stages in my life so it wasn't all those in a row.

It's legitimate to worry about side effects because they can happen. But it's still worth trying. Better a potential temporary side effect than guaranteed depression.

I take fluoxetine. I tried two or three before settling on it. It’s been life saving for me. Anxiety levels right down, mood so much better, enjoying spending time with my family and actually coping with life! Good luck.

Well done for asking for help. I had a brief spell on citalopram after my second child was born and it really helped me recover from bad post natal anxiety. Meds do help but please also consider some talking therapy and any lifestyle changes you could make. I appreciate it's very hard with a small child and business on the go. But could you get outside more often? Meet a friend for a walk and a chat? I'm sure sleep isn't easy with your 1 year old.

There is a charity called PANDAS for Mums with mental health problems and I joined an online support group with them and it helped me so much. Found them on instagram.

Sorry you've been struggling, you are not alone and I hope you start to feel more like yourself again soon x

Thank you for your lovely reply. I'm just out of the doctors now, he's prescribed Venflaxine so will start tomorrow and hopefully this is the start of positive changes. I'm also going to go for therapy which luckily I can access privately here.
I will definitely look up PANDAS, thanks for the suggestion.

Good luck @Caledoniablue I was put on Venaflaxine a few weeks ago, hoping they will make a difference, be good to hear how you get on with them ❤️

Thanks @Whycantgiraffesdance I will definitely update.
How did they work for you? Are you still on them?

Sorry just saw you said a few weeks ago @Whycantgiraffesdance, I read *years ago!
Good luck to you! Have you noticed any side effects/difference yet?

To be honest I haven’t noticed any difference yet, but equally there don’t seem to have been any notable side effects. I don’t have much of an appetite but I don’t know if that’s the medication or just a symptom of my anxiety/depression! What dose are you on? I was on 75mg for the first week then they upped me to 150mg x

Glad there haven't been any side effects for you @Whycantgiraffesdance I freaked myself out googling them earlier! I could use a loss of appetite however I'm starting on 37.5mg for 10 days then upping to 75mg, got to go back to Drs in 6 weeks or so to see if I'll stay on that dose or go up again.

I read that most meds take around 6 weeks to see any proper changes, fingers crossed for both of us

Thanks again to everyone who's taken the time to reply to my post.
I think there is still such a stigma around anxiety and depression, I really struggle to talk to anyone in real life about it so I'm thankful for mumsnet and the encouraging replies

I hope you get on ok with them @Caledoniablue and see an improvement, mental illness is so tough but it’s nice to feel we are not alone with it ❤️

Good luck with the venlafaxine!

No shame around here. We're all backing you up xx

Just checking in @Whycantgiraffesdance how are you getting on? You must be nearly a month or so on venlafaxine?
I'm on day 7 of 37.5mg, upping to 75mg on Tuesday. Luckily I haven't had any major side effects, felt a bit tired and dry mouth for a few days but that seems to have subsided!

Thank you@Caledoniablue ❤️ I’ve been on the higher dose for 2 and a half weeks now but I can’t say I’ve noticed any positive effects yet 😔 I’m still really struggling, how are u finding things now? xx

Not feeling any difference yet @Whycantgiraffesdance still feel so low and bleak, really hope things start to feel better soon. I started therapy too this week.
Sorry to hear you are still struggling, it's so hard when you just can't see any light isn't it. Are you on a plan to up the dose again or go back and maybe try something different if these don't work for you?
Sending you positive thoughts and hopes for some light soon ❤

Thank you ☺️ I was under the home treatment team for a few weeks but that finished today so I’m being handed over to the community health team and also have an appt in a few weeks with perinatal mental health. 🙏 so I guess the medication will be discussed at some point, I know I need to give these time to work it’s just so hard in the meantime! Feel so low today, just want to be present for my partner and my children but I feel so detached 😔x

How are u feeling @Caledoniablue ? x

Hi @Whycantgiraffesdance I'm feeling ok this week, been on the higher dose for 5 days now I think. I think I'm feeling a bit of a difference already!
I had a few errands to run the other day after work, going to the optician and then wanted to go and enroll my son in a football class, usually I'd be so anxious about doing these things and would normally put them off as long as I can, I did them without even thinking and only realised when I was driving home that I wasn't a nervous wreck!
Still got a long way to go and wouldn't say they've lifted the black cloud feeling but hopefully will get there.

How are you? Hoping you're OK

Ah that’s really good to hear, I’m glad you’re feeling a little better, I hope it continues!

im ok, still feeling quite flat but a bit like u I’m managing to do a bit more than I have been able to lately without getting too panicy so think they are slowly working 🤞🏻xx