Mental health and chronic illness. Don't know what to do

[Livinginchaos]

I have depression, usually fairly well managed with antidepressants and lifestyle stuff. But it's really taken a downward turn.

I have a chronic illness and my life is very limited as a result. I haven't been able to work for nearly 20 years, can't get out much etc. I had made my peace with it, got a level of acceptance, found ways to cope and to find some meaning in my life. But the last few months my illness has been worse and I am not able to do even the limited things I could before. Bad periods are not uncommon, but this one is particularly bad and is lasting a really long time. I just don't know how to cope with this. My life is now just so small and I have lost whatever happiness I was able to find before. I know how to cope with chronic illness, having been ill for over 30 years, but this time, I feel at a loss.

I am also so lonely. I have never been loved by anybody, not even family. It makes me feel so very alone in the world. I have recently lost friends where i have noticed I have been taken advantage of (lent money and treated badly), or people have given up on me and moved on because i cant go out and do stuff (it hurts- i have lost many friendships due to people moving on and not bothering with me anymore because i have been unable to meet up too often).I have no way to make new friends, to meet a man. I have no family that care about me.

What do I do? How do I get myself out of this hole? I have realised that I have been putting a smile on my face and carrying on, but this in truth is false positivity, and I think maybe its caught up with me. So then, how do I deal with these feelings, with this life? I have had a lot of counselling, some only last year. Can't see it helping at this point.

Please help me. I am so stuck.

I could be writing this myself.
I have anxiety and depression, cancer plus advanced arthritis so I am housebound most of the time and live in chronic pain. Also just diagnosed with autism at the grand age of 56.
I miss my old life, my career, my horses.
It’s so hard to maintain relationships in this position.
I do have some lovely friends ( no family) but my friends all have jobs/ family and I would hate to feel like a burden to anyone.
My cat is my life saver.
I have just been referred to a support worker service so this might mean I could go out once or twice a month which pain allowing would be great.
If you want to chat at all feel free to message me.

Have you thought of looking online for some groups to do with interests you may have. There are all sorts of things out there which may lead to online or real life friendships. For example are women’s over 50s groups)or whatever age! Some have meet ups but most people just chat online .

I don't know for sure. I am struggling with the isolation of chronic illness myself. But I wanted you to feel you are not alone

Do you have an online group for people with your condition? I have a rare condition and find chatting online with people who have it and "get it" really helps.

And I happy to chat to you on here

Sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. It sounds like a lot of the struggles at the moment are because you are so socially isolated?

I haven’t used it personally but a friend mentioned to me a website where you can meet local people. There’s groups for people who are either similar in age or similar in interests. I can’t remember the name but a quick google show ‘meetup’ as an option.

What did you do for work? Do you have any skills or experience you could share in a voluntary role?

I don't have a chronic illness but I can empathise with much of what you say. No family contact, though a handful of good friends. I'm not 'happy' but I'm contented. My biggest source of joy is my cat (as per PP) so that's one thing you might consider, whether you prefer cats or dogs, - animals are wonderful companions and good for mental health.

Thank you for your replies. I have looked at "meetup" before but they all involve going out and I can't do that. I have tried online support groups, but from experience, it turns into endless chat about illness and I don't want that. I need a distraction! I do have 2 friends who I message every now and then, and we never meet up because they are unwell too. It's good support, but I remain lonely.

I have a dog I adore and she is great company. I have a dog walker most days and I get out on my mobility scooter twice a week with her but thats my limit.

I can't do any volunteering. I have recently accepted being a treasurer for a local group because I only have to attend one meeting a year and the finances are very simple. But I am even finding that too much and I regret taking it on.

I used to help out reading with children once a week at a school but I am not well enough for that anymore. I cant go to the shops. I cant meet people for coffee. I am also autistic which adds an extra difficulty to social meetups.

I practise gratitude every day. I am grateful for my home, my dog etc but I feel like I am just existing. Waiting to get life over with. I dont want to be like this. But I don't know how to overcome it. My thoughts are getting very dark.

I am sorry for those of you who are in a similar way

Have you any befriending groups in your local area? My dh has psychosis and doesn't like leaving the house. He was put in touch with a local group of volunteers called "friends for you". I know his situation is different to yours, as he does not live alone, but he was becoming very isolated. He was matched with a lady who is 76 years young, even though she is 16 years older than him they get on really well. She comes into the house and chats with him for 1 or 2 hours once a week. They just have a cup of tea and a chat and occasionally he will go for a short walk with her. Are there any groups like that near you? They do tend to be older people who volunteer but I don't personally believe that age matters, it's personality. This lady is happy to accompany my dh anywhere but, at the moment, he just enjoys her coming in and having a chat to someone different.

Just another thought, are there any pen pal type groups you could join? They are probably all online these days but years ago I joined one for people in the forces (to write to people in the forces) and I started getting letters from a guy in the Navy. He came to visit me when he was on leave and we got on really well and eventually became a couple. We eventually split up but both enjoyed the relationship at the time.

I don't have an answer but do understand I was given ill health retirement 10 years ago. Currently my dc are what keeps me going but I worry when they leave home how I'll cope mentally. My friends and family have slowly disappeared because I am no longer able to go out and my concentration isn't great so conversation can be difficult at times.
I don't want much but would love to do next week's online parents evening (14 appointments over 2 hours as twins) without having to plan my life for days before and after id love to take my dc out for the day or for a swim (I really miss swimming).
Volunteering, education and socialising are just not really an option any more.
I no longer do social media because seeing people moan about not having enough hours in the day was getting too upsetting.
Life with disabilities can be very small. I hope you find an answer. But know your not alone (which makes me feel relieved and upset).

Hi OP, a friend of mine volunteers with the local library to take books to people at home if they can’t get out. Just wondering if you could see if your local library runs a similar scheme as that would mean a regular visitor who you could chat with about your reading interests and choice of books?