Mum died 6 years ago, im really struggling.. why?

[ELRainbow]

So I lost my mum when I was 20. 6 years ago to cancer. I keep having these major outbursts of emotions when I think of her/feeling low. I'm super sensitive around death in movies or anything related to losing someone in your life by them just leaving.. why am I like this? I also beat myself up thinking I could of been better or done better. And just cry... I don't have a father figure. I was a single child

I try to reach out to my close friends and love ones to try do stuff to distract myself and if I get denied it just makes me super upset even more

What is this.. delayed grief? Is this normal? Any advice

~ yes I have referred to therapy as I can't keep having these low moments.

💐 so sorry for your loss ELRainbow.

I'm no authority on mental health but you sound so terribly isolated. Your mum clearly meant a great deal to you and pain from deep love and loss doesn't go away so easily.

Really hope you get the help you're looking for to manage day to day xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is weird and comes back to hammer you.at unexpected times.

It's good you are going to have some talking therapy support. For the bad times, can you talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend going through this? My self-talk is harsher than I'd ever be to a friend. You deserve kindness and support, including from you. Sending love ❤️

I’m sorry, @ELRainbow, that sounds difficult. Don’t worry though, I think it’s actually very typical for grief. I read a lot about processing grief (I’m an adoptee) and we often reprocess as we grow and develop. A lot of the research is on children, but there’s evidence to suggest the same happens in adults too. We all know that as we grow and learn new things as adults, we look at situations a bit differently and it’s the same with losing someone we love. Often something will come up as we look at it in a different way and we need to relook at it in a slightly new way to be able to process it again.

You were only 20 when you lost your mum and since have done all the adult stuff for 6y that you’d often be chatting to a parent about. You’ve lived through COVID, when a lot of focus was put on families in the media. (There could be plenty of other things too - I’m just picking the obvious ones as I don’t know you.) It’s normal to have the loss of your mum come up again. I think you’re right to seek some therapy to help you think it through and help you relook at it. Let yourself feel it and don’t beat yourself up about it. Lots of us struggle with grief at different times and it can be a tough one as it’s not hugely talked about. Sending love and reassurance xxx

My mum died of cancer 42 years ago and it is still so painful for me. So 6 years is completely completely understandable for such a significant relationship. I would be surprised if you didn't find it painful six years on.
I hope the therapy will help you explore the idea that you think you could have done 'more'. I wonder if you will possibly realise that you just wanted 'more'- more time with her in your life.