C-PTSD???

[Aglassaday]

Hi lovelies,
A bit of a deep post here but was wondering if anyone had any sort of advice or knowledge or experiences regarding what I’m going through and if it is CPTSD or maybe something else?
For reference I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since 2018 and I take sertraline and have had various talking therapies and cbt which have been hit and miss whether they helped or not.

To cut it long story short, I am traumatised from my childhood. This has been confirmed by doctors, therapists and consultant and no matter how much I try to hide it I have it written on papers from them. I have only briefly explained my situations to them and never gone into full detail and this is something I would like to do but am asking how to. I am in the UK and private healthcare is not an option for me in this moment and time. I don’t want to specify my age but I am in my 20s so some of this wasn’t that long ago.

As a child I never grew up close to either parents and when they were together there was a lot of conflict and then they divorced and that seemed to be a trigger point for everything.

My mother was a complete liar to me even the most simple things she felt the need to lie about and I could tell she was lying so I could never trust her.

I was verbally and physically abused, told things I would never dream of saying to a child ( I don’t want to go into detail incase this outs me) as well as hit, slapped, spanked , grabbed me, chased trying to hit me and also my boundaries were not respected and as a teenager she’d constantly ping my bra strap or waistband of trousers or slap my bum despite me telling her I don’t like it.

My dad was very emotionally unavailable I found and could stress easily and though he never laid a finger on me he did get angry very easily.

I wasn’t given much love and affection and my parents weren’t very fond of kids as it was, I was always told off for things such as crying or being sick, not making it to the toilet in time even though they refused to take me etc which are relitively common problems children face.

Thats just a summary of it but moving on to my symptoms:

I experience flashbacks regularly to certain traumatic events from my childhood and it feels like I’m reliving it again. The most random of things can trigger these. I do know I’m not in the moment and I’m aware it’s happening but it all feels so real

I can dissociate a lot too

I’m very emotional, it doesn’t take much to make me cry and I do find I get mood swings a lot

I struggle with attachment and find myself attached to people too quick and constantly worried people hate me etc

As explained I have anxiety, depression and panic attacks

i get vivid memories of traumatic events that are separate to flashbacks but still upsetting

i am very jumpy and flinch/get scared easily thinking I’m going to be hit every time someone lifts their arm etc and I need constant reassurance

i do not like physical touch

im sure there’s more I’ve missed but these are the top ones that come to mind.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading.

what I was wondering is, is this cptsd? Is it something else? How do I go to my doctor about this and what do I say? Any recommendations of things that can help? Any personal experiences?

Also last bit, please be kind I’ve had to be very vulnerable on here and it’s not been easy x

it really isn’t a good idea to ask a bunch of ransoms on the internet to diagnose you. First step must be your GP if you can’t pay for a private psychiatrist consultation.

I’m sorry you went through all of that, you deserved better. Childhood abuse can cause c-ptsd so it’s not an unreasonable assumption but you do need a proper diagnosis. If you can afford therapy it will be the best money you ever spend.

EMDR is good for childhood trauma.

https://www.outofthestorm.website/cptsd-description/

Lots of information and a very good forum on the website linked above.

Op, you are entitled to ask on here. I think you know you have cPTSD…how could you not?

i was thinking that it might be worth looking at the Stately Homes thread in relationships? A lot of those women have been through the same as you and I think they’ll be able to help more.

As someone who suffers from it, yes it does. I'd lay money on it in fact. Ideally you would see a GP who would refer you to a psychologist and you would have therapy. In reality the NHS couldn't fund a raffle at the moment so it will likely be a case of getting private therapy. A lot of therapists will offer low cost or sliding scale fees if money is a barrier.

The diagnosis isn't really worth much unless you need it to apply for benefits but honestly if you weren't nuts before you started the application, you will be by the end of it. I literally gave up and fund my own therapy because the form is so stressful. But it's worth doing it. I've come a really long way.