Feeling not good enough

[Rachaelc1981]

Hi, not sure why I’m writing this but just feel I need to put it down in writing. I am 42, married with 6 children (3 young adult step children that still love at home) and 3 younger children 12,8 and 2.5 years old. Over the last few years my whole personality and moods have changed. I have become increasingly low, feeling useless, worthless and not appreciated at all. There are 8 of us living together but I’ve never felt more alone in my life. I have no friends, my mam lives miles away and I have absolutely zero life. I just exist. I just look after kids and do running around all day long. I can’t seem to snap out of it and it seems to be getting worse. Every day I wake up I think “ah no, not another day like yesterday”. I don’t do anything or go anywhere that is just for me, it’s always to do with someone else or to take someone somewhere. I’m so alone, lost and the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I’ve never suffered with any kind of mental health (that I know of) sorry for long post, I just needed to ‘tell someone’.

First things first, get a blood test - you are in the range for perimenopause which can make you feel like shit.

Secondly you should not be running around after adult children - they should be doing their own laundry, cleaning and also taking over the cooking at least one night a week each. Otherwise how are they going to manage when they leave home?

Thirdly make time for yourself. Your DH is perfectly capable (if not practised) at looking after his own children. What would you do if you had a day to yourself with no chores to do? What makes your blood run that bit faster?

Yes it’s a very big house ! It’s 4 bedroom. It was 2 flats knocked into one

My husband works but I’m a housewife

In all honesty it’s been so long that I have done something I actually don’t know what I would do haha. Just breathe I guess. Go for a walk in a park, shopping centre etc go for a coffee without having to wonder where the kids are or carry a toddler or push a pram etc

Go for a walk in a park, shopping centre etc go for a coffee

Sounds like a plan. Now you need to make it happen. Pick a day and a time and let the rest of the family know that from 2-5 every Saturday (for example) you are off duty and they are responsible for the younger children. Your needs are equally as important as there's and once a routine is established you can think about what else you could do with that time.

Hi OP,
I have to agree with @fiddlemeg, in that your environment sounds stressful.

The 12 year old and 8 year old I'm guessing are at school all day. Does the 2.5 year old go to nursery?

Could you get a job? Then you would be doing something for YOU as well as earning your own money.

How old are the young adult SC?

Definitely pick a " you" day. Go pamper yourself, have a coffee, lunch with friend.

Does your husband contribute the running of the home?