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End of the road?

14 replies

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 20/02/2024 14:13

Trying to keep it brief here as I literally don't know what to do any more. If you're from Stately Homes this is probably one to skip because I go on at enough length on there and some people actually have stuff to do with their time :)

Trapped (financially, practically, logistically, plus all the "why doesn't she leave" reasons you know and love from domestic violence situations) in a very abusive home. No privacy, no autonomy, really aggravating my already-severe MH issues which are...

Severe PTSD, anxiety, depression, OCD, eating disorder, also have a history of self-harm and alcohol abuse. The past few years I've been admitted to hospital dozens of times, mostly emergency admissions to general hospital for largely physical problems, but also a couple of long stays in mental hospitals. Last admission ended at the beginning of February and was for malnutrition, consequences of malnutrition and mental health issues (I was suicidal and basically catatonic). I was due to have an urgent assessment but was still drinking a little bit which was put on my notes, so having been given a priority date with the acute ED team and then admitted to hospital because of anorexia-related consequences which are also indicative of high risk, my assessment was cancelled and I was told they might think about seeing me again in a year if I was completely sober the whole time (I was not drinking heavily, but tapering down very slowly and it took them less than 36 hours to get me completely sober and off librium). I asked to speak to a MH nurse as I'd gone in suicidal. Apparently my problems are so long-running they didn't think they could do anything for me. I have told my GP, hospital doctors, support worker (I see her once a fortnight and go to a useless group at my local alcohol clinic) that I'm acutely suicidal every single time I see them, so once a week. I've been planning how to actually kill myself successfully since this time LAST YEAR. I've lost a whole year completely (the previous 30 years of my life have only been lost partially as I've at least had school, studying or a job or something).

Obviously I'm sober, but it's basically just throwing into sharp relief how utterly hopeless and pointless my life is. I've tried Samaritans, Papyrus, the lot before anyone says to try them, they get you through another few hours. Alcohol got me sleeping for another few hours before I could wake up for some more utterly pointless misery and abuse. There is literally no point to me at all. There are about two people who would be upset if I died but both of them would be much better off without me (trust me).

I genuinely don't know what to do. I don't know what would happen if I described exactly my plan for suicide and chose a date, etc - probably not much more than happened when I said last week that I would want it done properly so I'd use effective method 1, effective method 2 and effective method 3 at once (1 and 2 have been seriously tried and failed separately, 3 never tried and I believe it's pretty horrible but I would have made a proper effort). Probably another trip to A&E and back, or at worst a trip to a police cell then A&E and back, or a trip to a mental hospital and back. I do not know what to do.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 20/02/2024 14:16

I wish you all the very best.

Mementomorissons · 20/02/2024 14:31

I've been in your situation for a long time, the only difference being that I've kept it all entirely secret, and never involved professionals. Have been know to book a hotel and disappear for ages with a 'plan'.

I hate people thinking of reasons for me to live so maybe you do too. I would say the main thing that's kept me here is seeing an amusing meme a couple of years ago that said "don't bother killing yourself. You'll die eventually. Trust the process"

And anyway, that's what keeps me here through the times I'm feeling pointless. You've only got one short life and it's yours - might as well enjoy it and waste some cash on crap, binge watch TV, stuff your face, etc.

Janetsmug · 20/02/2024 14:31

Your post is utterly heartbreaking to read OP, you're clearly asking for urgent help and being let down and failed at every turn, I despair at the state of our MH services. I have no idea how to help you but I just wanted you to know that someone read your post and cares about what happens to you.

Mementomorissons · 20/02/2024 14:37

Btw, if you're question was asking if you told someone you had an active plan to kill yourself then what would happen, then yeah, I'm pretty sure they would section you for a bit, if they have the room.

If it were me, I'd just just put a 'date' in my calender as if it were a deadline and forget about it until then. But I'd give myself a fair and realistic time to see if I could turn my life around, maybe 2 years from now. Definitely not less than a year as no one could turn their life around in less than that

ToWorkOrNotToWork · 20/02/2024 14:39

For me, two things stand out - first you are very articulate so if you can’t access help, it’s not because of any failure of yours to explain what is happening to you and the seriousness of your health issues. As pp said, I’m very sorry you haven’t been able to find any solution to support you so far.

And the second thing that struck me, is that two people would be upset if you died. The impact of a suicide on the people close to them is enormous. Please don’t give up trying to find help.

This morning I walked outside and a blackbird was singing and there was warmth in the sunshine. It made my day. Even the smallest things can bring hope and relief. Keep looking for an answer.

Helplessandheartbroke · 20/02/2024 16:16

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau you picked me up a few weeks ago when I was very down. Your support and presence has been missed. You don't realise your own worth and potential and that's sad to read. You've got velvet to look after and your dp!

Is there an option to get away from abusive mother? Can you stay with grandparents for a while? I know this isn't a long term solution but getting away from a toxic house will definitely improve somewhat surely?

Youre a caring and highly educated person and have so much to look forward to once you're over this horrible stage of your life. I'm not a MH nurse but I'm here for a handhold any time you need it.

Are you currently seeing a therapist? If not can you be refered again?

Nogodsnomasters · 20/02/2024 20:35

I hope this doesn't come across as cruel sounding - but OP have you ever lost anyone close to you? A loved one or a dear pet or friend? If so please remember and draw on that grief and you will see how those two people who care about you will feel if you did commit suicide. Believe me when I say they will not ever breathe a sigh of relief and say they're happier you're gone, they will feel exactly how you feel/felt over losing your loved one. They want you to get better and be here with them. Could you keep photos of their two faces on your phone or printed out in your purse and look upon them often even when they're not physically available to you to remind yourself of why you're continuing to try and fight this mental health?

Helplessandheartbroke · 22/02/2024 11:10

How are you @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau?

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 22/02/2024 12:44

Thanks everyone for the replies, commiserations, suggestions, etc. Agreed that the MH system is completely broken. I have explained my plans, or been admitted to hospital after serious attempts (60 amitriptyline once, which really ought to have put an end to me) and explained that I still seriously intend to die and not been sectioned, there just isn't space.
Clearly I got through the past couple of days but was told this morning that my sister is coming to stay tomorrow, with her boyfriend. My mother expects us to speak when she visits even though we're estranged by choice the rest of the time, and she's previously encouraged me to kill myself by throwing myself down the stairs among other things. Luckily I didn't presume to ask my boyfriend if I could stay with him because my mother also taunted me about how I'm apparently not welcome there and he then said he felt cruel keeping me alive or talking me down (which he had to do last time my sister visited). So I don't know how this is going to go except that it will be really bad.

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 22/02/2024 12:53

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I've got no idea why your mother says these things to you. Please speak to dp about staying there a couple of days I'm sure he would be pleased to have you.

I wish you could see your worth. I'm just a stranger on the Internet but have really appreciated your presence. I've pm'd you not sure if you've seen them but feel free to pm any time.

Stay strong x

Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 00:49

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau how have you been with your sister staying?

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 24/02/2024 09:45

She arrived late last night, so nothing has really happened yet (although she got travel sick on the way here and of course my mother came to get meds from me which I'm pretty sure you shouldn't do - they're strong prescription anti-emetics, especially for travel sickness). Sister is apparently skipping her own graduation, which is the only reason she's here in the first place, and my mother says she won't wake her up because she's an adult (I wish this logic applied to her constantly walking in and out of my room, expecting to be included in my medical appointments etc. but never mind, it's the least of my problems). So nothing awful yet unless you count the pretty poignant reminder that I'm very much the lesser daughter in so many ways, but she's due to be staying in the house all day and I am not sure how that's going to play out.

The really upsetting thing yesterday, honestly, happened with my boyfriend. I won't go into all the details as it would be pages and pages but basically I panicked and was really upset and turned to him for some in-person comfort -obviously there are support services etc and everything but a) they almost always ask about support systems and whether I can talk to friends and family - I have my boyfriend, a very busy and important friend who is lovely but definitely not able to handhold me through this sort of stuff, and obviously my parents are the opposite of a support system. To cut a very long story short he's feeling very pressured and unhappy having to support me through it and yesterday decided to say just how miserable and it was pretty devastating.

Sorry, and thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 24/02/2024 17:12

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau I hope today has been bareable.

How is your relationship with dp normally? Is it good/happy? I know hes younger which may be why he's not sure how to offer support but he needs to try.

Were all here for you x

Helplessandheartbroke · 26/02/2024 20:51

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau how are you?

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