Hi, please be kind im trying to work through my emotions in my head.
I'm a 30 year old with 4 kids. I already had a child when we met, we now have 3 together, he has 2 previously. We've been together around 6 years. The first 2 were great as they always are fresh to a relationship. Then I got pregnant (planned together) and it shifted. His children didn't handle the pregnancy well aged (9&11) he started drinking a lot, through the week also, he was stilll going work but was always groggy. Things levelled out after the birth but he was still drinking. I then had my second and it felt like everything backtracked again. I was always on the back burner, we would argue about it, I was so unhappy but I just couldn't leave I felt like he could be so much more I didn't want to give the kids a broken home. Fast forward now, he's sorting himself out and I feel so lost, I'm confused, unhappy, I love him so much but I struggle to forget the past so much, he was never violent but mean with words. Now when he has a drink it triggers me I really feel like I have ptsd from it if that's a thing. I get a feeling in my stomach and it gets me so angry I can't help it. I want him to social drink but I'm really struggling to forget everything.
He's had a bad life and was very depressed at the time of all this but I'm struggling to accept that, as it was such a hard time for the both of us.
I've got my first therapy appointment soon, but does anyone have any advice for me please?