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I'm so confused

7 replies

helpamommaout · 20/02/2024 11:14

Hi, please be kind im trying to work through my emotions in my head.

I'm a 30 year old with 4 kids. I already had a child when we met, we now have 3 together, he has 2 previously. We've been together around 6 years. The first 2 were great as they always are fresh to a relationship. Then I got pregnant (planned together) and it shifted. His children didn't handle the pregnancy well aged (9&11) he started drinking a lot, through the week also, he was stilll going work but was always groggy. Things levelled out after the birth but he was still drinking. I then had my second and it felt like everything backtracked again. I was always on the back burner, we would argue about it, I was so unhappy but I just couldn't leave I felt like he could be so much more I didn't want to give the kids a broken home. Fast forward now, he's sorting himself out and I feel so lost, I'm confused, unhappy, I love him so much but I struggle to forget the past so much, he was never violent but mean with words. Now when he has a drink it triggers me I really feel like I have ptsd from it if that's a thing. I get a feeling in my stomach and it gets me so angry I can't help it. I want him to social drink but I'm really struggling to forget everything.

He's had a bad life and was very depressed at the time of all this but I'm struggling to accept that, as it was such a hard time for the both of us.

I've got my first therapy appointment soon, but does anyone have any advice for me please?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 20/02/2024 11:32

When you see him drinking your mind will immediately take you back to the bad times, reliving the arguments and expecting the previous situations to repeat themselves; it's experience rather than PTSD. If (and it's a BIG if) he changes his behaviour and there are no negative repercussions when he drinks then your memories will slowly be overlayed with new ones.

What do you want to achieve with the therapy?

helpamommaout · 20/02/2024 11:41

That makes sense thank you. With therapy I just want to talk things through all my trauma through life. How I react to things how I think about things. I want to understand myself better

OP posts:
helpamommaout · 20/02/2024 11:42

I also struggle to express my emotions anymore I just feel like I want to scream and cry a lot

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 20/02/2024 11:48

Your reasons are good; understanding why you think the way you do (and learning how to challenge/change your thought patterns) will help you enormously. Is your partner supportive of you going? Is he interested in doing something similar?

helpamommaout · 20/02/2024 12:06

He is supportive of me going. And he said he will also try but he's been saying that for a while now. I've only just realised I need help

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 20/02/2024 12:28

Maybe he will see the benefit you get from it and that will give him the courage to do the same.

Good luck with your appointment 😊

helpamommaout · 20/02/2024 13:15

I really do appreciate your advice!

OP posts:
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