I just don’t know what to do 😭

[HelplessPartner]

I am so upset and scared and I just don’t know what to do 😭 My partner is really struggling with his mental health and he has really bad days like today where he has just laid on the sofa and it’s like he loses the ability to talk and he can’t get up. He has depression and anxiety and the symptoms are always there but then there are days like today where it is unbearable for us all.

We have a 2 year old and I wanted to take him to the park but I can’t as he won’t come and I feel too scared to go without him in case he hurts himself/drives somewhere without being really present ect.

It is so, so scary because I can’t help him and I don’t want our child to see him like this. I just don’t know what to do.

He is on antidepressants. He’s started counselling. He’s off sick from work. What else is there to do?

I have autism and anxiety and depression myself but it’s not been that bad since becoming a parent. But I am upstairs in tears as I just don’t know how to deal with this.

He is a great dad and it’s not like this every day but it is unbelievably hard when it is. He could be like this for an hour to days I have no way to tell 🙁

Do you have family or friends that can help, is there a crisis team you can speak to.

I’m not sure if his friends know. His family does but I think he finds that harder as he doesn’t like it when they worry about him 🙁

We have the crisis team numbers but I don’t think he would ever call them and wouldn’t they need his permission/participation if I called them? 🤔

Will he even speak to you, would he accept his severe state and agree to having family or the crisis team involved, does he have any insight into this at the moment

If you think there is an immediate threat that he would harm himself or someone else, then ring 999.

More advice on other ways to help from here https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-worried-about-someone-else/

He should go to bed rather than have his child witness him being miserable and unresponsive. It's unsettling for a child to see a parent that way.

If you really think he's likely to harm himself while you're out then you'll need to ask a friend or family member to sit with him. You cant keep a child in all the time, it's not healthy or fair

There's nothing much else you can do, the crisis team will probably tell you to make a cup of tea if he's not actively harming himself.

There's no immediate fix to depression, it's a slow road to recovery.

Do you have support? Family or friends to talk to?

Is there any pattern to his depressive symptoms
One thing to look at is alcohol use -and rule out this is having any impact
alcohol interferes with the brain’s neurotransmitters and can cause huge problems with depression and anxiety- especially after years of regular use

if you are worried I think you can call the crisis team yourself

He is up now and we’re going to go to the park/for a walk so that’s something!! I have emailed Andy’s Man Club asking some questions as I think it would be good for him to talk to people who are experiencing similar things to him.

The next time I talk to my friend I think I will tell her about what is happening in more detail (she knows some things) and then at least I will know that I have reached out to someone/have someone there to support me when things are hard.

I am going to try and encourage him to get another doctors appointment as different medication is probably needed.

I think I need to learn how to support him better too but it is hard as he doesn’t really know what he wants/needs either.

You sound like a very caring partner OP. Try to make time to look after yourself too as it must be incredibly difficult coping with the current situation
It seems that you have made some plans now so good luck with those and let us know how things are going xx