What caused your agoraphobia?

[solis25]

And how did you get better?

Mines caused by low self esteem and low confidence following husbands cheating whilst I was pregnant.

I want to be able to take little ones out doing fun activities but I don't want people looking at me. Counselling and AD's haven't helped yet although only been on them for a month.

Hi @solis25

I don't have experience of agoraphobia, but can only imagine it must be very tough.

I struggled with MH issues when my kids were little. How old are your children?

Are you still with your husband or did the relationship end? Either way do you have people around you in real life to offer help and support?

You are right, one month is not long, but the medication should really begin to make a difference very soon and counselling will help in the longer term.

Well done for getting help. It would be great to hear how you are doing.

That sounds really hard OP, sending solidarity and very best wishes to you. It's such early days, it's understandable that you might want to rest and feel safe and warm inside right now - maybe go with that energy rather than fighting it?
Having said that, the antidepressants should kick in soon and then maybe it'll be time to push yourself to do small things outside, especially as the weather gets warmer and the sun will feel warm and kind on your face.

Sometimes that feeling of hiding away can be from shame but it sounds very much like This Is Not Your Shame and so please remind yourself that. Take it day, be kind to the part of yourself that finds leaving the house hard and gently keep moving and reminding yourself you have no reason to hide away.

It's a delicate balance, but I think you can do this and I'm wishing you well xxx

Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies @bethepeace & @Pineappledancer.

I'm not doing well at all if I'm honest (easier to be honest behind a screen!). How long do think it will take for the AD's to make a difference? I'm worried they won't help my self esteem, which I think is why I don't want to go outside. Feeling extremely unattractive and can't bare for people to look at me - I'm so uncomfortable being around people now. I never thought this was a consequence of infidelity - weird eh?

I'm still with my husband. Two under two boys, no great career to support myself, and I still love him for some reason unbeknown to me.

Oh I'm sorry you're finding it so hard, I really do understand, you're being really brave to keep going when I can imagine how difficult that is.

This sounds as much about your self image and self esteem as it does about agoraphobia, what I mean is that sometimes agoraphobia is more about feeling exposed and vulnerable outside because it doesn't feel safe whereas this sounds like it's about how you look. I wonder if some talking therapy to focus on your self image, which sounds like it's been hit hard, might help. This isn't your fault, and your husbands behaviour is not your fault or your responsibility - this is his problem and you haven't done anything wrong and it isn't about how you look. You sound like you need a big dose of love and appreciation and instead life is grinding you down.
I'm sending you a huge hug and I think the meds will kick in soon which might help too xx

For me it is my alopecia and rosacea. I just don't want to meet people and only feel safe in my own house and mostly, my own bed. I know people always look at my hair (or lack of) and I can see it the moment I meet them.
We are off to our holiday home in Spain in a couple of weeks. I am dreading it, as I know the people I know will see how much hair I have lost in the last six months.
If it was up to me I would never go outside my front door again.

A massive panic attack 17 years ago when I was on holiday.

I was in a state of depersonalisation for over 18 months from the minute it happened, and have had spells of it since. Usually lasting a few weeks.

I know work full time and can leave my house in one direction for about 10 miles. Anything longer than that though, and it's just not possible. I won't put myself in a situation that will cause panic and therefore risk depersonalisation.

I'd do anything to go on holiday for a few days. To feel the sun on my face and the sand under my feet.

Mine was caused by a combination of different trauma - a mixture of abuse and health related. I had severe panic attacks, I couldn’t even step outside my front door let alone go anywhere. I honestly felt like my life was over and it was going to be like it forever.
Counselling didn’t help me at all, it just picked at the scab IYSWIM. It was almost reinforcing it.
Quetiapine saved me and lots of rest and knowing my limits. I was like you, upset that I couldn’t take my very young DC out anywhere. I felt so much guilt, especially when they asked me to take them places and I just couldn’t.
I then started doing very small things like stepping outside for 1 minute, then 2 mins another day, then 5 mins another day and built up very slowly. I then started running out with a bag of rubbish for the bin, then built up to walking it out, then aimed to stay outside for 2 minutes after I took it out. It was all very small steps and I tried not to pressure myself to do it, Or beat myself up when I couldn’t. I then started walking up the street, 1 more house at a time. Then it was very much faking it until I made it. Instead of thinking ‘I can’t do this’,, I changed it to ‘look at you, you should be so proud of yourself. I KNEW you could do it’. I became like a coach to myself if that makes sense. One thing a therapist did help with was to say to me to treat the agoraphobia/anxiety like it’s a person outside of you and give it a name. So when I felt panicky and triggered they encouraged me to think ‘it’s you again, I’m not going to let you effect me. I’m ignoring you’. That helped a lot too.
It has taken me a few years, but I’m almost myself again with only a few limitations on what I feel I can do.
It will get easier, even though it probably doesn’t feel like it. You just need time and patience and don’t pressure yourself.
Even though my severe agoraphobia lasted a few years it doesn’t seem to have had an impact on my DC at all, infact they hardly remember it. I think with your DC as long as you try to have fun with them at home and spend time with them, that’s all that matters at this stage.