I find every day life so difficult.

[ClemDanFango]

Early 40s and I have struggled with life ever since I can remember.
I find everything so hard and I don’t know why I can’t just be ‘normal’, work is hard, marriage, parenting, managing money, maintaining friendships, making decisions literally everything about being in existence is so fucking hard!
I suffer from depression, obesity, low intelligence, poor memory. The other day I couldn’t work out how to use a fucking tin opener despite having used one multiple times over the past 40 years, that was nearly the last straw. Sometimes I can’t form a fucking intelligible sentence. My brain gets stuck and I’m standing there buffering like a fucking idiot until my mouth decides it can cope with what my brain is trying to say. I’ve had CBT and counselling and I can’t remember the point of any of it. I take an antidepressant every day. I feel so lost and like I’m constantly battling myself to meet some sort of potential, I know it’s in me somewhere but it’s like my brain is sabotaging me. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’ve been in the same line of work for 16 years and can’t seem to make any headway or progression despite having so much experience and knowledge. My confidence and self esteem are on the floor and I’m sick of it.

You're being hard on yourself. Some people just need a slower pace of life than others. This modern world we live in is extremely demanding at times. What do you do for a living, if you don't mind me asking?

@GoodVibesHere thanks for replying. I am so hard on myself but I feel like I need to be. I’m just wallowing in self pity constantly and I can’t seem to stop. I work in early years. I’m in a school at the moment and it’s awful. I feel like I have the potential to move into management roles but I keep losing my bottle, because I struggle so much in everyday life I have no confidence in myself to manage a higher role. I’m so stuck.

I really hate it when people on MN do this, but now I'm going to do it... have you considered autism? You don't sound like you lack intelligence to me, but maybe constantly suffering from autistic overwhelm?

@WASZPy It’s crossed my mind before and ADHD. But it’s such a trend at the moment I am worried that I’d be jumping on the bandwagon as such. Maybe I’m just not an intelligent person and I just need to accept it.

The difficulties you're having don't sound to me to be due to low intelligence, so please try not to add that to the way you see yourself. Easy to say, I know... and I'm useless at taking my own advice with issues similar to yours.

I'd echo the suggestion of neurodivergence. Doesn't matter whether it seems like a "trend" at present. What's important is whether it's relevant to you.

Could menopause/peri-menopause also be a factor? Having previously been a quick-thinking, articulate and competent person, albeit with a lifetime of various mental health problems, I went to barely being able to string a few words together, clumsiness, zero confidence, extreme anxiety and so on. I became a shadow of myself.

I'm now mid-50s and have realised over the last few years that I am very likely neurodivergent (autism and ADHD). Menopause and other life issues really brought that into sharp relief. I'm slowly coming out the other side now, but it's incredibly hard.

Wishing you all the best, OP.

This is exactly how I feel op. Life has always been so difficult. Relationships l, depression,mental health, anxiety, marriage, children, health, everyday things just holding down a job. Had so much therapy cbt nothing helps just more stress. Waking up everyday crying as just don't want to be here anymore

Being alive is so so hard for some of us. I can’t help feel jealous of the people who are successful and can cope with life. I so badly want to succeed and do better for myself and my family. I’m so worn down and worn out. I just want to give up.

Confidence is your main issue here, then there is self care and belief in yourself.

1- stop holding yourself back, next time a management role comes up you go for it even if you just apply. You don't even need to go for the interview but that's your first step right there

2- order a book tonight on Amazon for self help, how to build confidence

3- get your diet in order and drink water. Try something like hello fresh to get you started

4- declutter your home

5- get lavender in every room and lavender spray on your pillows

6 - get a face mask on, get a deep hair conditioner, get some perfume that smells nice doesn't have to be expensive and out that on every day. Paint your nails or get them done. Throw out any old clothes that don't make you feel great. Get something new to wear if you can

7 - wear colours that make you feel powerful like red or blue

8- some people swear by yoga and crystals have a look into that

9- speak to GP about ADHD your not jumping on the bandwagon you may well have it

10- write down why you are great and read it out loud to yourself in the mirror everyday. Over time you will feel less silly doing it and start to believe it like you should

11- don't give a crap what anyone thinks of you

12- practice interview questions for management in your spare time

13- get a hobby. Walking club , cross stitching , book club literally anything

14- temple run on oils and even try Kalms but obviously check with GP or pharmacist first

15- make sure your getting your vitamins. If not buy some

16- do what makes you happy

You can do this

@ClemDanFango I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. I suspect lots of people feel like this so please know that you are not alone.

As I read your message I can honestly say I didn't get the feeling that you have low intelligence at all. It's not easy but the more we tell ourselves positive things, the more the brain changes (neuroplasticity) and starts to believe the positive things we tell ourselves. Perhaps write some positives down, even if you don't believe them right now, and read those every day! It's a small start to feeling positive about yourself.

I also wondered if some of your symptoms could be due to nerodivergance or be due to past trauma that hasn't been dealt with yet, even if you have been to counselling previously.

Your not being able to think clearly made me think of perimenopause /hormone issues. Or, perhaps an autoimmune condition. Some of what you say describes how I felt before I was diagnosed with that.

I don't want to overwhelm you at all, but just give some suggestions of things you might be able to look into.

Many people are low on vital vitamins such as vit b, magnesium and many other things. Perhaps a functional Dr/ health therapist might be able to do a blood test to check your levels.

I'm not medically trained so couldn't say whether it's physical, mental health or both issues, but whatever it is, the following could help the mind and body immensely in the meantime:
good sleep, eating fruit, vegetables and reducing processed foods, getting outside in the fresh air for a little walk, 5 minute stretching exercises (you tube), breathing exercises, talking positively to yourself, meditation (you tube), playing favourite music, talking to people...

I've also found listening to podcasts and educating myself about the above has really helped with my chronic condition, which affects my mind and body.

Most importantly, go to the Drs and try to see a 'good' GP who is understanding and prepared to run blood tests, make referrals and support you until you find an answer.

I know it's really easy to say and it's harder to do, but I hope the above suggestions will help you.

I know you can do this. You've been brave enough to write on here so there is a spark in you that wants to find out about why you're feeling like this. You have more strength than realise.

Wishing you the best of luck and I hope you find answers x

You write in a very articulate manner. You’re clearly not lacking in intelligence. I am going to say ADHD / Autism too. You sound a lot like me, I have autism.