is my friend depressed

[whitechristmas]

really worried about my friend she has never admitted that she has depression but i seriously think she has it, yesterday i took her daughter ( my goddaughter) to a panto which shes been looking forward to for weeks, i sent DP to pick her up at the time id stated and X was still in her jarmies, my friend quicky got her dressed and let her go with DP, when they picked me up to go i got in the car and X hadnt been washed, hadnt had her (wild curly) hair brushed and looked dirty! shes only 3, i asked her what she fancied for dinner her choice and she said auntie X, ive not had my breakfast yet, i really felt for her and this made me cry, i took her to my house and washed her hair got nice clean jarmies for her and kept her the night, i didnt wanna send her home! when i did take her back i tried to talk to her mam with no luck! The hous is a mess shes got piles of ironing, the only thing in her frigde is a bottle of pop! ive been and bought shopping for her today as im worried about X no having food ive tried talking to her parents who dont seem that bothered, just dunno what to do ! does this sound like depression sorry if this is long

hi whitechristmas, sorry to hear about your friend. she might be depressed, but whatever is happening it sounds like she might be at a bad place in her life atm, and it is a really pity that her parents aren't interested. xmas can be a real strain as well, financially and emotionally, if things aren't going well. do you know if she is seeing anyone over Xmas?

i assume that there is no chance that this is a one off due to a bug/physical illness??? does she have a partner that you/her could talk to. from my POV stuff the ironing, ironing can wait, but it's more worrying that she doesn't seem to have much food in. could you see if she wants you to go out and get some food in for her? does she seem to be under financial pressure. I assume that you have tried the softly sofly approach - the you look a bit down/stressed, do you want to talk, etc. all i can really suggest is that you have a crack at her again - it might be that even if she's isn't responsive the first time, that she is inside quite desperate for someone to notice something is up, and maybe even to try and frogmarch her down to the GPs. so hard to tell. The other thing that concerns me from what you have said is whether X is getting fed properly - I think it would probably be wise to keep an eye out for X, and if you have serious concerns about whether she is getting fed properly, I am afraid you might have to consider phoning the NSPCC/Social Services.

best of luck
sorry for rambling on and hope that things improve soon for your friend

Hmmmm my reaction to this is a little split as to be honest except the having no food in I bet on more than one ocassion my DD or DS has looked a bit scruffy and still been in PJs until late in the day.

Altho its slightly more worrying that it was on a day when she had somewhere special to go.

thankyou, i hope not to have a word with social services but it'll be the right thing to do if it gets to bad! she hasnt got a dp and think that is affecting her too think she feels lonely! ive got a bag of shopping in the car right now that i'm taking this afternoon, shes going to her parents house over christmas so she has company there! this happened about 4 months ago at the time my other friend was a receptionist at a baby clinic so we asked one of the health visitors to have a word with her! that didn t go down well , she made out to health visitor she was as happy as larry no problems! and ... wasnt happy with us for involing other people! so sad for her as she has the most precious little girl ever!

yeah i know all kids have there raggy days and nothing looks cuter, but this was bad, this was worrying!

Then your right to worry - poor little thing - and poor Mum must be awful being so unhappy.

I would have another go at talking to her first before anything else.