why is it when you're at yr most depressed that people abandon you and find it too hard to handle??

[MissChief]

at breaking point, i feel, dh upped and left for the day, good frriend canceleed on me. parents finallyt told yesterday (we're a very cold family) and got a little squeeze on the arm as reassurance. GP just gave me sleeping tablets, no-one else reallyt around bar the cat (who's great, incidently). I could do with some comfort,a shoulder to cry on, dh definitely not up to it again. I can't prented to be better than i am though but the more upset/dperessed/sleep=deprvied i get, the more annoyed it seems to make him.
I wish i could just run away from my life.

lulu, how were you trying other treatments in those 4 years or did you get so ill because you weren't having anything. You are quite inspirational.

ignore the 'how'

misschief, i read your other thread about insomnia. I really feel for you as i had this when i was pregnant with DD (nearly 5 years ago). It started half way through the pregnancy and although i didn't realise it at the time it was definately due to stress and worry. DH was unemployed and i had a job i hated plus loads of other worries. I bottled everything up, didn't talk about my problems and hey presto! insomnia. I can see it all now with hindsight but at the time i had no real idea why i had insomnia, i just thought it was hormone/pregnancy related. It was in a way as it was because i was pregnant that i was so worried about DH being unemployed and the pregnancy itself was a bit of a shock, i wasn't really ready tbh.

Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying that imho, you really need to tackle the issues which are bothering you; you may not even be consciously aware of what these issues are. If they cause painful feelings to come to the surface you may be pushing things away in your mind before they break into your consciousness. I had an abusive childhood and pushed it all away for years, but in the last 18 months it all came out and it has been a painful process facing up to all the suppressed feelings, BUT, i feel so much better now i am dealing with it all.

I mention this as you have mentioned childhood issues yourself, even though right now our childhoods seem so far away and long ago, they are hugely significant to the way we are today. Having your own children can trigger suppressed childhood memories and if the childhood was not the happiest one this can be a painful process.

I hope some of the above will be of use to you, apologies if i am completely on the wrong track.

sorry for late reply, frumpy, been out aaaalll day , onbly just logged on !! >

i was on too low a dose of AD. i was undiagnosed for 18 months, by which point the 'norma' PND and birth trauma whas so deeply entrenched i was just chronically depressed, and 20 mg of seroxat aint gonna do much ! i paid for counselling and some CBT, but i think it was too little too late.. i;d start to feel a bit better, but never quite lifted out of the gloom

i think seeing a psych. earlier would have been of great benefit. as i would have had a decent dose of ADs

also, knowing about the birth trauma association would have been helpful or knowin you could talk to a midwife about a bad birth would have also helped

having my HV ( now retired , about 3 months after this incident) not do teh edinburgh test with me 6 weeks post natal as i was feeling low .... surely then she should have done the bloody test... would have helped !

i think that being fooled into thinking that what i was feeling was normal, and that that is how you felt after having a baby was not good.

so, yes, i tried other things, but they were never that helpful as i was too far down the road.

I think if had been caught earlier and treated earlier i would not have got to the point of needing the inpatient help

i was badly let down by my HV and my GP at the time

we moved house, and went to a different doctors, they monitored me EVERY WEEK. the lovely HV who is just marvellous came over every week for an hour or so, to talk and chat and keep an eye on things. The doctors reviewed me MONTHLY. whereas the other docs saw me when i went to see them. and as i was paying for my own counselling, left me to it.

they referred me to a psych and the emergency mental health team who you could call day or night.. the CPNs got involved..

so push for things, push for the help and ask and ask and ask,.or get someone else to ask for you !

and finally i got a private referral which led to the inpatient treatment

and i am well and stable and happy and normal and had my DD and it was great. as soon as i was pregnant, we went to the docs, and they assured me that they would look after me, my HV came to visit lots and then encouraged me to come to baby clinic every other week to chat etc..

and all was well

and now i am grateful that it happened as i know that i survived that, and i can survive anything.

and that is a good thing

and thank you for your kind words

lulu, thanks for sharing it with me. Can I ask more? How was your relationship through all this? Did your DH stand strong? Find it hard? I'm struggling a bit atm and trying to get myself in the right position for the right way forward. If you'd prefer to answer by email its [email protected]. If I don't answer straight away its becaue I have flu

Misschief

just wanted to add that i have been there and still see my cpn. She is wonderful, understanding and very very practical. For example I get very stressed about my house being a mess, but was so tired it was a vicious circle.. Anyway - she said that perhaps if I could just straighten the lounge (in case people came) and keep kitchen sides clean then the rest could wait til I was better.

She also told me that i was quite normal and that i would feel better, that i wasnt 2mental".

my dh did not get it. he tried and thought that if he gave me some money to go shopping and get out with a friend I would feel better

It took me a long while and several frantic calls to mental health team, regular ads, a good burst of sleeping tablets (but NOT TOO LONG!!!), lots of water, at least an hour of outside sunlight (even if its sitting in the graden with an umbrella and lots of fruit, veg and protein (too many carbs and sugary things send your moods all over the shop).

I know try and do at least one new and positive thing a month ( I started a writing course - not very good but I like it ). I get my hair cut or I have a mate blow dry it - its amazing how much better you feel. It seems so easy now, but at the time it was hell on earth, i was hallucinating and suicidal.

I also have very very cold parents who I now have nothing to do with. If you can get out, even to local shop to buy some milk, then do it. i found retreating was the worst thing I could have done.

Sening you a big hug and a lovely cup of tea.

MSTG

xxx

Just read my message - Im so sorry about my spelling mistakes - but you catch the drift? [smil]

thanks all, sorry to log on belatedly - had a lot on wiht ds and not been online much these past few days. I certainly catch your drift MSTG - and thanks for yr kind thoughts. ikwym about cold parents, retreating, needing any excuse to go out - need that too. not taken the ADs yet, really don't want to but up my sleeve anyway.