Feeling bleak about adult DS's mental health

[FutureFeelsBleak]

Not sure what I hope to get out of this, other than I can't say it to anyone IRL.

DS is in his early 20s, has autism and is bi polar. He struggles with low self esteem, and has dealt with that in the past by self medicating with drugs, which caused all sorts of problems for him and the family.

He has been stable for a while now, and largely cooperative around taking his meds, but has always done so reluctantly as he doesn't consider them necessary. He misses the mania of being unmedicated. Have got him countless therapists etc but he is determined in his viewpoint, and so is massively resentful of us for insisting he is medicated.

The problem is, my own MH seems to be linked to his. I am constantly waiting for the shoe to drop. I'm a mass of anxiety. DH and I are barely existing and I feel really quite bleak about the future.

I'm at an age where I should be preparing for retirement, but apart from needing the money, I need to go to work in order to escape the house.

That sounds tough op. Can you seek some therapy for yourself?

My DB was dx with schizophrenia at 24 and had drug issues so just sharing from experience.

Getting stable on meds is half the battle. Coming to terms with a diagnosis is huge. It can take a long time to accept that the meds are lifelong and the diagnosis. It is not abnormal in 20s to want new experiences. However there is novelty and there is risk!

Does he have a support worker? My DB ended up moving out as it wasn't good for him or my parents. I won't go into that nightmare but suffice to say he got into very wrong crowds and it took 15 years for him to be placed in a stable safe place of his own. It was hard as he kept trying to do courses and dropping out of them, and most private landlords do not accept housing benefit. It was extremely frustrating.

Getting involved in some positive support groups like Princes Trust or Mental Health Mates would be a good start . Any hobbies or interests he can expand on and go along to groups for? Also looking at what potentially he could do for work. Access to Work can help people with autism. If you think he needs more support there are also courses on budgeting eg. Christians Against Poverty. Short adult courses are good as way of building self esteem.

There is also WRAP recovery training if they run in your area. DB did this and it really helped. Basically planning for how to stay well and safe and what they might want to happen if they do become unwell.

I also wanted to mention grief as it's possible that you are also grieving for what you had imagined and this is difficult right now.

Thank you for the practical tips @2024horizons I will look into them.

I feel for you, we have had 20 years of drama and stress and only just got a diagnosis with DS. He is mid 30s. I'm tired.

I feel like I have spent the last eight years clinging on by my fingernails @Blakessevenrideagain and our immediate family is fractured by it all. CAMHS and adult mental heath services in our area are woefully inadequate. Going private was at an enormous financial cost, which if I was honest, didn't really help that much either. We bounced from one psych to another who just saw us as a cash cow.

Mental health services are dire.

I hear you and can relate to certain aspects of your thread hear,

I would if possibility explore good therapy

Can you or and your son do a self referral to attend Mind mental health charity centre or something similar where you live then?

Also get in touch with your Doctor about Social prescriber service
essentially instead of just medicating mental health patients they offer Holistic alternatives such as signposting to charties and organisations that can help you both and also you will be giving subsidised finianacial help joining a leisure centre with improving lifestyle strengthening 💪 mental health in pro active way such as this...

Also support groups and healthier lifestyles online and off line

It's good i am enjoying doing this and it makes a difference