I never suffered with depression until after my second son was born. There were quite special circumstances surrounding his birth, and I ended up stuck on the first floor in bed with so bad spd I could not go to the toilet on my own, and going downstairs to my family was impossible.
Down there life went on. My sister was here, my MIL was here, yet nobody managed to care for my oldest son, then 3, my husband was working from home, and we also had 1 colleague of my husband from India (who had designs on my dh) living with us for a 3 month period. It was pretty grim. I fell out with my MIL over a dishcloth, and she left in hysterics and booked her ticket home. My MIL and my sister fell out. My oldest son was eating chocolate for breakcast. And I hit rock bottom. But nobody noticed. I was crying and crying and crying.
Nobody heard me up there, too busy with life downstairs. I was in bed, my baby was with me, and it was just me and him and the pain, and the patterns of the curtains to look at.
When eventually my spd recovered so much that I could walk, I struggled down the stairs one morning at 4 am, took the car keys, intent to find a lorry to crash head on to.
My husband heard me and came running out in his underpants. The next day we argued, and he was angry with me for what happened with his Mum. I remember yelling down the phone to my local GP "I cannot take anymore, I just want to die, please let me die".
Within one hour my HV was there. The next day the crisis psychiatry team was there for an assessment. I was put on the waiting list for councilling. The HV continued to come by every few days for me to have somebody to talk with. The doc prescribed Antidepressents. My husband hid them away and said "No way are you taking these". I ranted at him at wanting to get better.
He said "Anybody looking at our life will agree, it is pretty shit. Our life sucks. Anti depressents are not going to change that. WE need to change our life around, and then if you dont feel better after we do all we can to change our life for the better, you can take the pills, but not until we have tried to make it better first".
He bought me a bike for mothersday. Exercise release endorfins that make you happier and combat depressions. We changed our diet, no more junk food, healthy food and exercise and quality time with the kids. My dh started helping in the house, we got a cleaner, he started helping cooking dinner, putting the kids to bed. Every weekend we would be out on our bikes, or do something worth wile together.
In our case, it was my husband who was the core support. Yes the Hv and the gp rallied around and did their bit, but change had to come from within. Make your life happy, and be happy. You are the main creator of your life and your destiny, and you have the possibility to change within you. That was my husbands mantra. I am sure I wouldnt have done it without his support.
He had our business to run, he had to say "tough Mum, you falling out with my wife has nothing to do with me, now get over it", he had our oldest son to deal with, a new born baby and a wife in hysterics, yet he still managed to pull together and drag me out of that dark and lonely place. Real Life support from your loved ones are crucial. And belief in yourself and that you can change your circumstances, too.
I really hope you manage to climb up.
Sorry for writing such a long essay.
But yes, you can do it, and without AD's too if you set your mind to it, and have plenty of support.