Life seems so crap again

[ChocolateKnickersOnMaHead]

Not posted on this board for a while.

Alot of things have happened between dp and I and although things are looking better on that front, everything else seems to be going down hill.

I have found out I am expecting again, with dd only being 7month old this is a really big shock and although I am happy about it, I am also very worried.

Dp worked it out the other day that from his wage, after everything has been paid (mortgage, bills, cc bills etc etc) we have just £20 a week to spend.

I am really upset as dd is coming up to the next size clothes and we cant even afford to get her anything really.

I have just paid out £30 odd quid for some clothes for when she hits one. (will have to wrap some up and give them to her for her birthday too which I feel really bad about)

DD and I very rarely see much of dp. he works 10hour shifts for shit money and when he comes home we are like ships that pass in the night. I still have niggling feelings that he is up to no good, although he probably isnt.

I sit and look at dd and think she deserves so much better than anything I could give her. We have never had much money really but now it seems even worse.

I have a couple of close friends yet I still feel so alone

If it wasnt for one certain friend, I would be stuck in the house 24/7!!!!!

I asked dp if I could put in for my driving test and get a car (yet more money) because, when dc2 comes along I deff wont be able to get out as public transport here is an issue and its not fair to keep relying on others for lifts. He turned round and said we couldnt afford to run two cars. He keeps saying that I have it so much easier that he does and he would swap with me tomorrow if he could, which I said was fine, but I would take his car keys so then he would know exactly what it is like for me and he said No way!!!

ARGH why cant everything just be ok for once.

Sorry if this is all jumbled up

Have you checked on moneysavingexpert to make sure you are getting the cheapest deal on insurances/mortgage/fuel costs etc etc etc? Sorry I'm only good with practical stuff!

Being stuck at home with no car if there is a lack of public transport is awful it's just the feeling of being trapped. Any chance you can get some part time work to be able to claim SMP later on?

Hiya,

Thank you for your reply. Yes, we have been on money saving and changed alot of our suppliers but hasnt really helped that much.

DD is only 7months so cant really do any part time work as no-one really to look after her.

I got a Saturday job a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant (to get out of the house tbh) and because I had only left my other job 12 months before dd4 was born I was able to use my previous salary to claim a high rate of SMP. ALso the SMP doesn't count towards your earnings for CTC. You may qualify for the maternity grant of £500 before or after the baby is born?

Is SMP maternity pay? dont think I wuld get that tbh.

I am hoping that we are able to get he maternity grant as it was a big help to pay for bits when dd was born but dp had just been made redunant then so dunno if we would be able to get it now he is working?

Hey choc, this is a great place to come and share.
First off, if you have not already done so, CUT UP THE CREDIT CARDS!
Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to?

Hildrens clothes come up all the time on Freecycle and you can request them as well as respond to "offered" ads.

Your baby want s YOU, not material possessions. They mean absolutely NOTHING to small children.
Good luck and stay strong xx

you get the maternity grant if you get enhanced CTC so more than the basic £20 per week for the dd you have now? Of course when the baby comes along you may then get enhanced (if you don't now) in which case you can claim it then.

I think to get SMP you have to worked for so many weeks before the qualifying week. If your dh is able to do childcare over the weekend/on days off it may be worth getting a temporary part time job just for this reason.

Remember as well early preg hormones make you feel worse anyway. Some of my worst depression was when I was pregnant.

Are you getting all your tax credits? That could make a huge difference?

Don't feel bad about the clothes, honestly, DD wont care if she gets them as presents - more to open. You should check out the local charity shops, i have not bought one new thing for DD (2.5) this season and people are always commenting on how well she is dressed. I buy for myself there too.

I know that money being tight is shit, we are struggling too and sometimes it is difficult to stop it seeping into everyday life. I get the whole, you go to work then bullshit from DP too, i am not ready, so tough titty (i do feel guilty about this as i can earn more, but lack confidence). I don't drive either, and i was whinging about this earlier too. You don't really need two cars do you? Can DH not bus/train to work? Car share? its more awkward with lo's.

Have you spoken to your doctors at all? It could well be that your hormones are dragging you through the mire just now, what with being post natal and pregnant (congratulations by the way).

It will get better, its just so bloody hard sometimes isnt it

One thing - do not spend ONE SECOND worrying about not having a present other than new clothes for your baby's first birthday. all you need is some pretty wrapping paper and if you can't afford that then get some plain paper and draw all over it in pink crayon!

This may sound silly to you. I hope not. But do you believe in God? Would you consider joining your local christian church?
Life can be so much better when you have God and since it's Easter, Jesus in your life!
Believe me, though born in a Christian home, I had my "black years" of not really seeking God much in my life. What a waste that was. But the birth of my first child brought post-natal depression and to cut a long story short also made me start attending the church I go to. God provides, I wish I could quote you from the Bible, but my knowledge is poor. However, I have seen how He makes sure nothing goes short here. And since our DS1 He has just blessed us more and more. Plus there is a huge relief, a huge weight of your shoulders when you stop trying to rely on your own means and instead trust Him. (Not to say that my DH does not make his best to provide, but still some people work hard yet see no fruit)
Also, could you be suffering from mild post-natal depression?
Anyway, I would invite you to my church in Berkshire but no idea where you are. Instead find here a link to our church website, if you click on the recent sermons link, I definitely recommend you listen to the Feb 3rd message titled "Gods Heart for Women".
Cheer up! Life will be good for you and your family.
Sincerely,
Ijskater

Thank you for all your responses. We are claiming as much as we can. Dp is only doing this job to fetch some money in until he gets a better job.

I know Ishouldnt worry about dd not getting new but when inlaws ask what am I getting her its abit upsetting.

Like at christmas, some very knid Mnetter's fetched a few things for dd and we wrapped them up and gave them to her, and even wrapped a few of her toys that she already had

I dunno, I suppose I should be greatful for what we already have and as dp keeps say, I should be lucky that I have him.

Sorry cross posted. I dont believe in god, sorry. I have many reasons for this which isnt for here but I dont think I could ever believe in him.

yes but when you're down it's hard to be positive and pregnancy hormones are really quite grim!

Chin up! I second you being there counts so much more than what toys they have. When the in-laws ask be clear that you can't afford stuff and you find it upsetting that you can't - may help them be a bit more sensitive.

Ooops forgot to add that link!
Here it is

www.mscf.co.uk/category/sermons/

Just click on the actual sermon's title and then on the play button or the Play in Pop Up option. Make sure your PC sound is not muted and enjoy!

Cheers,

Ijskater

Ok, so you don't believe in God. Just listen from the 45th min onwards of that message (3 February). It quotes a bunch of statistics... a real eye-opener.
All the best
Ijskater