Struggling as parent

[ByZippyDog]

I am not sure where to post this but I guess some of the content later in the post is more appropriate for this board.

Our older child is in recovery from an eating disorder - lots of behaviours still there and although we are in a better place, we have a long road ahead still.

Our younger child is a fussy eater and has been for a while. It has really ramped up recently. I feel that I am giving in to them with snacks and what they won't eat etc., but I can't deal with it. I get panicky and it is like a fight and fear response. I know we probably need to get help or advice. Their behaviour is also challenging, and they struggle with emotions and feelings. Possibly ND but not enough to go on. They are in last year of primary.

I am hurting myself sometimes when I become overwhelmed with situations. I am ashamed of this. It is relatively superficial and hidden. I think about it a lot - it is almost like a comfort knowing I can do it. I feel that I need to tell someone but worried about the outcome and that I will be deemed an unfit mother (which I feel I am). I need to find a better way to cope.

I am often waking up in the morning with racing heart and palpations. I feel dread in the mornings but it tends to get better by the afternoon.

I am on iron tablets for low iron for a health condition that has reared its head. I saw a health professional on Friday and got upset after being asked about fatigue. I felt very uncomfortable but they were so nice and patient. Suggested that I contact GP for counselling.

My husband had an appt with the GP for anxiety a few weeks ago and was given a prescription but hasn't taken the tablets.

I don’t know what to do. I have an EAP assistance programme at work and my manager suggested a few times that I contact them after my older child was diagnosed with the ED, but just can't do it. i know that everyone else on the house needs to be sorted out first. I feel that my relationship with my husband has been affected.

I work part time so have time to myself but just can't relax and procrastinate a lot at home. I am untidy and messy.

I am not articulating this post well. I am ashamed of my inability to cope and I am a failure.

Oh OP, you’re not a failure in the slightest. Eating disorders are destructive and devastating in the extreme.

Sounds to me like you’ve gotten your older child out of the woods and on an upward trajectory. That’s a gargantuan achievement. The youngest sounds like fairly regular fussiness. It’s possible that you might be having a trauma response to seeing a child refuse food. I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest.

If you’ve reached the point of self-harm as a source of relief then you should definitely follow your husband in getting some medical support in place. There’s better ways to get relief, however impossible that currently seems.

Keep going OP, you’re doing great.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, and your kind response.

I did it again last night after DH seemed to infer younger child's eating was my fault. I feel so ashamed.

Need to get help I think for the younger child's eating - diet very very limited and their sibling's behaviours with the ED have possibly impacted them but it must be my fault as well.