Why do I feel so grumpy all the time?

[oneplusone]

I really don't think I'm depressed as I don't feel down as such, I just feel like I'm in a grump/bad mood ALL or most of the time.

I have a lot to be thankful for, great DC's who i love to bits, DH (he can be great at times but also not at all great fairly often), no money worries at the moment.

But I just never seem to feel happy or really appreciate what I've got. I am bored a lot of the time (have started loads of other threads about this) and am going to look into doing a part time/OU course to give me something interesting to do. I haven't got many friends , seem to have lost touch with most of them over the years since having DC's.

Have also got major issues with my parents (abusive childhood- no longer see parents) and sisters but am seeing a counsellor about this.

Also have a chronic long term health issue that gets me down a lot and perhaps that is the cause of my grumpiness; I'm so used to it now but I guess it's always there niggling away at me and stops me from doing things that I would otherwise.

DH keeps telling me that I'm a 'glass half empty' person as opposed to a 'glass half full' person and although I hate to admit it I think he's right. But I haven't always been this way, I used to be a happy, cheerful,optimistic person but I seem to have turned into a miserable old bag over the years! But I don't know why.

Or perhaps I do know why but I just don't want to admit it as i know I'll be hated for it. I feel sometimes that i made a big mistake in getting married and having kids. I think i am a loner at heart, and I really love and need my own space and freedom to do what i want when i want. I guess getting married and having kids has severely restricted my freedom and a lot of time, if not all the time, I feel trapped and suffocated and worn down with the constant demands made on me by the DC's and DH. I feel like running away from them all and sometimes feel like the DC's would be better off without me as they deserve a proper mummy who appreciates and enjoys them far more than I seem to do.

I even had a holiday earlier in the yearl, just for a week, with some friends but without DH and DC's and I LOVED it and didn't miss them at all. I absolutely loved the fact that my time was my own and I could do what I wanted when i wanted without interruption. I could have easily stayed away for a month (although perhaps I would have started to miss DH and the DC's after this long).

I feel awful and ungrateful and miserable for feeling like this but it's the truth and I think there's no point in denying it to myself any longer. At least facing up to it and admitting it may be the first step in doing something about it.

Well, I feel better for getting all this off my chest. A little less grumpy anyway

chinchi, i can understand you not really wanting to tell your DH about your dad. I kind of told my DH in bits and pieces although the whole story has really been out in the open in the last 18 months, but without me even saying anything DH had sussed my family were not normal from whenever he met them so he wasn't surprised when i told him the truth about them. But he doesn't really understand as he has a 'normal' (well apart from his mum but that's another thread!) family.

I have this feeling that, as women, we rarely put ourselves 1st. But we should. If we are happy, everyone else is happy. (Or, to the other end, when ma is unhappy - as mine was, devastatingly so - kids are unhappy...) The idea of leaving son at home with your man is a great solution. Good on you. Have fun doing stuff for you.

How are you feeling today oneplusone? xx

hi chinchi, thanks for asking! I felt a bit grumpy again today though. I am sure it was due to the fact that the weather was awful and it meant we were going to be cooped up all day. DH also decided he had 'man flu' and stayed in bed all morning til i made him get up at lunchtime.

I felt better once i managed to get a bit of time to myself in the afternoon. I have spent some time looking into jobs and I think i could perhaps do some volunteer work. I feel quite excited at the thought of being with adults all day (instead of 10 mins here and there on the school run or at the park etc) and being able to talk uninterrupted and use my brain. I honestly think my grumpiness is down to boredom and having nothing to look forward to. And I also end up dwelling on my family situation a lot purely because i have nothing else to think about.

How are you? Please keep posting, i hope you had a good day today.

Men and their flu

Volunteer work sounds great, and even the tiniest bit of adult conversation makes me feel refreshed! I often get grumpy when Im bored. I get irritable so easily. Lastnight DH popped out to see some friends and DS was in bed by 6pm. I was climbing the walls with boredom! Normally Im grateful of the time, but as DH made food before he left, I had nothing to do and wasnt even worn out enough to go to bed early!

I tried starting a new book, but couldnt get past the first paragraph, and couldnt even be bothered playing on the Nintendo DS. I spent the night moping, and that should have been time to get myself into gear and sort out any jobs/enquiring/etc etc that I needed to do!

Woke up this morning feeling good though- its a nice day outside and DH is off work again today so Ill be glad of the company at home

xx

Hi, there sorry you were grumpy again yesterday, we sound very alike, I have finally realised my grumpiness is definately down to boredoem.

And i know what you mean about being alone in the evenings. Although I love reading, I have found these days I just can't concentrate long enough to read a book, or I am just too tired to read. I don't really like watching tv so evenings can get a bit boring if DH is not around. Even if we don't talk just sitting next to each other on the sofa like zombies together is better than being alone.

I remember once on another thread I read about a mum who said her mood always lifted as soon as her DH walked in through the door in the evenings and I feel exactly the same. I just feel so much better with another adult around, even if they don't do anything to help out with the kids.

I have also finally been able to admit to myself that I am no good at being a SAHM. I didn't want to admit to it as I felt like a failure especially when i see other mums who seem to have taken to it like a duck to water. As I didn't really enjoy my job pre-DC's i had begun to feel like i would just never be happy in whatever i did, but in actual fact i simply haven't found the right thing for me. I am not a failure at anything nor am i just an unhappy person. I simply need to find the thing or things that will make me feel happy and fulfilled. It sounds simple and obvious but it's something i have only just realised for myself. DH is also a very critical person (he gets it from his mum) so he has also made me feel very down over the years. I do have my doubts about him sometimes, we seem to be on very different wavelengths these days.

Sorry, I'm rambling again.

Where did you live when you were abroad? Do you like being in the UK? Would you ever live abroad again? Sorry I'm being nosy, no need to answer if you'd rather not.

Hi again, have been following your posts with interest so much of what you are both saying has struck a chord with me. I am just coming to the same conclusion about myself that I am not really cut out to be a sahm...have started looking around for jobs. DH is of the opinion that I shouldn't go back to work yet until we really need the money but its about a lot more than money to me...Hope you are both ok.

hi keevamum, am glad this thread has been of help to you. It is very hard isn't it to admit that we are not cut out to be SAHM's? I have been subconsciously comparing myself to a cousin who has been a SAHM for 8 years and she positively thrives on it and loves it and I suppose i have felt like a failure next to her. I have finally realised that she and I totally different people living in completely different circumstances and just because I don't love being a SAHM doesn't mean i am a failure. I can't believe it's taken me this long to admit this to myself.

Perhaps you should explain to your DH that you're looking for a job for you and not for the money. I think i need to explain to my DH something similar, i want him to know how unhappy i am although i feel so much more positive now i have worked out what was wrong with me.

I'm going to look into voluntary work and college courses to start off with and then think about a job later on.

Keep posting and let us know how the job hunting is going. Any ideas of what sort of job you will go for?

Well I teach but I also have a lot of experience with special needs so ideally something which combines both...that reminds me must ring about a job I saw advertised in the local paper....

My DH is Turkish, so we lived there for 3 years, but we decided to come home to look after my Mum during her battle with breast cancer. Were hoping to go back in a couple of years once we have enough money behind us. I just wish I could help contribute to the savings, then it wont feel as much for me like DH has done all the grafting!

I just feel it will be so much more easier when we go back as I can rely on MIL for help- she is besotted with DS as its her first grandchild, and I know I wont go short of help. It also means I can maybe make use out of the OU course Im doing, and I have several tourism qualifications, which are ideal in a place like Turkey.

It just seems so far off at the moment. Our aim is 2010, but were wanting to get a new bathroom and kitchen, and so it seems were taking one step forward and two steps back!

Glad you can relate to the posts aswell keevamum. I thought I would be alone in how I felt about being a SAHM but its nice to be able to share opinions with other people who think the same!

Fingers crossed with the job, let us know how you get on! x

I think what you are all talking about sounds exactly like me. I used to be happy go lucky girl before I had DD who is 10 months old. I used to travel a lot and lived in lots of different places for my work and settled with DH here in England. And also I had abusive childhood. Physical punishments from mother and father who just buried his head in sand as well. And had lots of issues like eating disorder..especially bulimia which is under control these days. It was all fine until I had DD whom I love to bits..and I started to get really grumpy and really strong feelings against my parents whom I thought I had forgiven completely. And it's really becoming diffciult. I don't think I have depression, but it must be grieving as well because in a way I miss them terribly as they live very far away (see them maybe once a year if lucky) but also when I chat to them on skype or on phone, I get extremely irritable. I hope this makes sense as my brain is in a bit of state this morning but definitely I couldn't be a SAHM as I'm reclaiming my life back as much as I can with vengeance! It's just nice to hear other people who have similar feelings.

Read views of oneplusone. Mine r ditto. Day in and day out I feel the same. If at all therapy and all that shit ever works! All I want to do is cry, cry and cry.