Struggling with mental health first trimester

[Nmw09]

I'm struggling this time around, a lot. I cannot tell if it's hormones or circumstantial.

My son is 16 months and I'm due in 8 months time, they will be born at the same time of year.

Mainly I'm stressing because I fell pregnant after being back at work 6 months since my last maternity leave.

I am already showing, or bloated at 7 weeks but last time this never went away and the weight just piled on.

A really senior man at work told me once that some people 'do the right thing' with their second child and come back for a year before falling pregnant again. He strangely named a man in the office who 'did the right thing' and his age gap is 17 months! His wife told me at the Christmas party, but lucky him being a man... nothing changes and he probably didn't tell people until not long before the birth. And equally didn't take much time off for either.

I've just won a promotion at work to a huge job, and they have no idea I'm going to do it for 7 months and leave again.

We have a company wide annual conference for 4 days and I'm going to be 13 weeks, visibly showing or just looking rotund, everyone drinking (I'm not fussed but will stand out), and I know I will be talk of the town. And I'm self conscious as it is.

I piled on the weight last pregnancy, and it took me all of last year to lose it and already I'm stressing I'm going to feel bloated and fat so the next 18 months.

Feel like I'm useless at home that my husband picks up all the slack for our child and dog, I'm living in a bubble of anxiety and I hate to admit it, but shame, for being pregnant.

We went for an early scan and saw a flicker of a heartbeat which was so nice, then got home and read because I'm over 35 chances of Down syndrome are 1 in 300, and it set me off.

I wonder if telling someone at work will help my anxiety. I feel like a fraud everyday. Why as a woman do I feel this immense pressure, tallying up how long everyone else was back before they took another leave... trying to work out people's age gap on instagram searching for clues if 2 years on the nose is normal.

Any advice is really welcomed.

Ah op, that's all a lot. I think the thing you need to remember here is that you are entitled to make your own happiness in life.

Your work may be very important to you, to them you are replaceable - so work shouldn't come before the happiness and welfare of your family. That being said, you are also entitled to go for promotion etc that's a sign that you do your job well, that you're committed and you work hard. "Doing the right thing" is such a sexist way of thinking. As if every pregnancy is planned and as if women have the luxury of being fertile indefinitely or have the money to access infertility treatment if they need it. In my workplace 3 women went off on maternity and only 1 of the 3 waited a full year to get pregnant again when they returned- they were in their late 30s and it was a conscious decision and noone batted an eyelid. If I had the option I'd do the same but physically I'm not ready yet. I'm fully committed to my work but I'm aware of my age.

Your husband is picking up the slack because you are busy growing a human being. Which is incredible but also incredibly hard physically. If you're a team then he should expect to take on more because you are doing more. The first trimester (and sometimes beyond) are really hard and it's just right that he supports you by carrying some of the load.

You don't have to tell anyone anything until you feel ready unless you think it will give you more support and take the pressure off. You don't owe anyone anything. You're doing your best and that's all that matters. You deserve to be able to enjoy your pregnancy and the excitement that goes with it. If you feel the anxiety is too much and its really affecting your daily life then speak to your midwife.

Thank you for this reply @Lavender14 I was so overwhelmed at the time but just read it back all these weeks on and just want to give myself a hug.

Went for my 12 week scan this week and was so excited to see my baby wriggling around. I have the conference next week and unlike last time I've not piled on the weight (hooray!) I should just be able to not be spotted as pregnant.

I'm also over caring about work!! For various reasons I'm less bothered. Can't wait to go off on 6 months and have baby 2.

Thanks for taking the time to write all this, it helped me in that time of need.