Struggling with toileting habit.

[Cappuccino17]

I've recently become a germophobe and got into this terrible routine. I strip my clothing down to my underwear before I use the bathroom. The logic behind this is when I flush I do not want all the germs over my clean clothing. I know people will say keep the toilet lid down. Well i started keeping the lid down but still strip down but then I get an intrusive thought about all the germs flying up onto the inner part of the toilet lid. So i wash my hands after my business, bleach toilet lid and toilet after every use then rewash my hands. I am getting exhausted as I also have kids and the same ritual applies not to them but to me, if at any point i need to enter the bathroom i strip down. Can anyone tell me why this wouldn't make any sense?

I have never done this previously. I've flushed with lid open and clothes on all my life. But now these intrusive thoughts are eating me up completely.

I was like this in the depths of my OCD.

Has something happened to you recently to trigger this, an illness?

I think you just have to accept the germs
everyone else is living ok with them
you lived ok with them your whole life.
so, so what if you get germs on you?
i know it’s not that easy and if you accept it, it’ll feel worse before it gets better. But maybe try just walking in the room and straight back out.
clean the toilet, then flush it whilst you’re dressed
build up to flushing the toilet with clothes on and leave them on 5 mins after then 10 or 15 minutes after and so on with whatever you can manage as a sort of exposure therapy to the less scary parts. I had crippling ocd. It’s fine now after doing this.

This is not healthy for the kids you need to seek help, being carfully with extra cleaning in the realms of normal is healthy this sounds more

I do have OCD but this part of it is really affecting me. @Chaiandtoast i could try doing that. But what can happen is i get into this terrible cycle if i feel the germs are on me i just can't let it go then i end up doing a lot of laundry as I'm changing clothing. I think cleaning it first like you said could help.
@WandaWonder I don't make the kids do this obviously they're oblivious. My daughter does remove her dress because she herself doesn't like the dress going on toilet and she can't really hold it up, if she's wearing jeans she won't bother but apart from that the kids do nothing like this but then they never flush the loo either lol that's left to me.

@newname70 an event occurred yes that has triggered the OCD which i don't want to talk about here. I've seeked therapy CBT but it didn't work for me so I'm going to get counselling instead. It was nothing toilet related though.

When you have gone through something difficult the mind has its way to fixate on something abstract especially if there an existing vulnerability such as OCD, anxiety and depression.

Do you think a short course of medication whilst you are waiting for the counselling? To try and relieve some of the pressure of these thought process and allow some space to modify behaviours.

Have you heard of compassion focussed therapy? It's similar to CBT but from a compassionate place. I personally found it more useful than CBT. The worksheets are similar and if you have experience of CBT it might be something you could try at home with the worksheets. I used to get them from get self help (I think).

Be kind to yourself. X

@Superscientist no I haven't heard of compassion focused therapy but will look into it. Thank you for mentioning it.
I am scared to take meds. What type of medication? I'd be scared that once I stop it could get worse.

From experience not medical knowledge SSRIs would be the first route. I don't know which would be best for OCD /anxiety but sertaline and citalopram are two antidepressants that are often used initially.
Medication can be very effective and it doesn't have to be a long term strategy. I'm bipolar so will probably be on medication for most of my life but the amount I need varies. After having my daughter I developed treatment resistant severe pnd and psychosis. I ended up in hospital and left on 4 different medications. This was 2.5 years ago and in 5 weeks I will be back down to 1 medication without any sign of relapse!

It is similar to CBT in that there is a link between your thoughts and actions but rather than logic it looks for compassion. It also links in with mindfulness and soothing rhythm breathing which might be something to look into too. I personally found them distressing as it peels back a protective layer to a very raw past and without appropriate counselling for the past I found it challenging but the other ladies in my course found it very beneficial. I just thought I'd flag my experience given you are also awaiting counselling. If you like the sound of it try but don't push it if it exposes things that are too raw to manage on your own right now.

@superscientist thanks for all the information honestly that really helps!
Raw past experiences might be quite difficult at the moment but might help to talk about it as it is what caused my OCD not sure how I'd react after so a little wary at the moment.

I feel you hun, the weird thing is I can wee anywhere but I cannot have a poo in any toilet but my own and if I think someone has used it I can't go. I strip down before I enter and have bleach it before and after.

I had a friend over once who used my bathroom and she was gone a while, it took me 2 weeks before my body would let me go, I felt so gross.

You poor thing. I have not dealt with full-blown OCD but I've certainly had anxiety and seen hints of OCD as part of that (eg during COVID checking my temperature 20-30 times a day for signs of fever).

I was nervous to take medication too. I was worried that I could never get off it. However, I went on anti-depressants and they completely changed my outlook on life. I lost most of the anxiety symptoms including phobias and the OCD leanings. It was such a huge relief and I wish I had done it sooner.

I'm now off them and my life is in a different situation without the same stressors so while I feel good and not anxious, it's hard to know whether I might return to that state. I'm mostly just enjoying being free of those awful symptoms while I can, and will address it again if it becomes an issue again.

Please get help for your OCD - what you describe is not healthy and willl likely impact your relationships with your partner and of course your children