Admitting I think I have depression

[trampoline123]

I feel like this has been brewing for a while.

I'm quite certain I have social anxiety, I would always be sick before I went out but would drink and then be ok.

Since having my children 3 years ago I barely drink and have found being around friends really hard so I've put all my energy in to work and the kids. I never really go out unless it's something for the kids, I rarely see my friends, and when I do I feel like I don't contribute, not pretty, or funny enough and quite worthless, when I do talk I feel like ppl look at me as of to say shut up.

I've had 12 years of I'll health with an auto immune condition, then last year when I was 37 I had surgery and have a stoma. Tbh I get on fine with it and felt happy to get a bit of life back. Years of being in and out of hospital left me feeling quite isolated. Just before Christmas I was diagnosed with a lung disease and cough all the time and struggle to breathe. It makes doing activities hard and even talking is sometimes a struggle. I cough all night and sometimes get 3hrs sleep a night if I'm lucky. This diagnosis has got me really hard.
Just before Christmas i was admitted to hospital with bacterial meningitis and sepsis, I was very poorly.

My work and partner have been really supportive helping me ease back in to things and my partner helps me a lot.

I just am feeling so low, like what's the point, everyone would be better off without me and like I don't bring any added value.

I can't be arsed with anything and am feeling quite emotionless.

I know you can feel low after meningitis but I'm not sure if there's more to it.

I don't know what to do or where to turn to be honest.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Well done for sharing and for admitting to how you've been feeling, often that is the first step.

Do you feel like you could talk to your GP?

Yes, I think I need to and have booked an appointment for a few weeks time.

That's great, hopefully that will be the start of you beginning to feel a bit more like yourself.

In the meantime, is there anything your respiratory care team can do to help you get more sleep? Sleep deprivation is such a huge part of why I'm struggling right now.

You mentioned that you felt everyone would be better off without you, do you think perhaps you need a more urgent appointment than 2 weeks? Do you feel suicidal?

You have been through so much. I agree with PP, please ask to see your GP as a matter of urgency-if you have to tell the receptionist exactly how you are feeling, please do, you need to be treated as a priority.
You can access mental health support via NHS 111. Samaritans telephone 116 123, SHOUT offer text support.
Wishing you all the best xxx

You have been through so much it is no surprise that it has impacted on your mental health. Talk to your GP , they should help you. This is a health condition that you have recognised and now needs treating. The good news is that it can be treated and you will feel better with the right support.

I don't feel suicidal, I guess I just feel like a burden and don't want to bring people down.

I took a sleeping tablet last night and did sleep a bit better. I think the sleep thing is impacting my mood a lot. I have an appt with my respiratory team at the end of feb so can ask and I have an appt booked with my GP in a few weeks.

Well done op. Two very positive steps in the right direction.

Would your social anxiety allow you to perhaps call a friend sometime as a start to getting back in touch with your friends and build on your support network?

For what it's worth you sound like a very strong person to have been through all you have, have young children and still be functioning! Be kind to yourself if you can, I bet you're a lovely mum, partner and friend

Ah thank you.

I reached out to a friend I had already arranged to meet for dinner next week along with 2 other good friends. I'd usually be thinking of excuses not to go by now which is why I messaged her to explain how I've been feeling.

I've always been very positive through it all (even if it's pretending) and just something has triggered the past few months and I can't snap out of it.

Could be burnout (have a google of the symptoms?) and it wouldn't be surprising if it was given your recent circumstances.

I'm glad you've reached out to friends.

Wishing you all the best for brighter days ahead x

It sounds like you’ve been through a hell of a lot OP. Sleep deprivation will be massively impacting you.

Would it help to meet friends one on one? If you can speak to your friends about how you are feeling that’s really positive.

Remember a lot of the time people are just thinking about themselves (90% of the time!) The chances are they aren’t thinking that you are being/saying something weird or anything else. They likely have there own insecurities and issues too.

It’s natural to think of the worst and dwell on awkwardness after situations. The drink would have relaxed you. Sometimes I find having a non alcoholic wine/bubbly might give the same effect if you don’t want to drink.