"Post" psychosis, does it ever really get better? TW violence

[Icedlatteplease]

Sorry this has turned into a long one

So a couple of years back DS then 14 developed psychosis out of the blue. Scary and violent Visual and auditory hallucinations. Thought I'd been taken over by clones and became very violent himself trying to "save" me. I have injuries that I can't fully shift and ptsd that occasionally rears its ugly head.

They didnt hospitalise because of a host of other vulnerabilities he has. We had big strong carers (although they all had the softest hearts) from a very specialist agency. There was six months of quite extreme symptoms and very challenging behaviour. He Attacked several carers significantly, (was fantastic at identifying the least intelligent/weakest and picking off in fairly impressive, patient and calculated style). The worst found themselves too terrified to work with him again after, one left the job entirely. We weren't allowed females full stop.

Camhs were completely shite and basically did nothing for 8 months so he was essentially untreated beyond a mild anti anxiety which he refused to take. Then it went the other way and he became extremely withdrawn,He would only go out to 2 or three safe places and only ever with me. He is often non verbal. A situation that hasnt really improved an awful lot since accept he hasnt really badly attacked anyone so the rate o3f attrition of carers slowed until we had a stable bunch.

He will spend several hours a day ranting to himself, mostly unintelligibly, but if you record it and really decode it, its quite scary stuff and still directly talks about stuff related to the start. Im not meant to know he does it🤫🤫🤫 and will try and keep it in around others but he will go for it if hes relaxed and forgotten you are there or he can't hold it in anymore .. There was an innocent video that featured heavily in his violent dellusions and hallucinations that he will still watch on repeat if he thinks I won't find out (he knows I don't allow it) although he says 🤔🫣it's a normal video now and he cant seem to remember why i dont like it.

They have now hospitalised but he wouldn't talk directly to the doctors. they dont understand his speech so at the start just thought he was self soothing, by discharge they still couldn't recognise his speech but acknowledge he talks to stuff that isnt there and in two different voices. Thank fuck they worked that out🙄🙄😖 only took two months. They did nothing about the video that he watched most of the day on repeat but felt that he wasn't a risk to others anymore. They are still exploring a more child dementia based diagnosis.

He was really unhappy in hospital, but when he realised he might not be coming home he started attending lessons and occupational therapy (he did lots of ot as a child so i think he considers this safe) in an endeavour to try and come home.its not lost on me this was a calculated decision on his part.

Since discharge we still have carers in the home again but they are very different carers with the aim of getting him reenaged with life. They think he is very sweet (which he is, hes very loving, not everyone would risk everything to save you from clones despite being terrified themselves 😁😁😁). They are yet to hear him fully relaxed and therefore full rant. Of course neither the hospital nor the new carers have seen him in full swing. The agency know he's attacked carers, and the extent of the attacks. From what I can tell they've not told the carers, which is a mixed blessing.

I'm not sure the carers understand why we have the care package we have. I don't really want to scare them and tell them its because I'd rather not accidentally be killed if it goes belly up again. And i have told social services I cant be in sole care of him possibly ever for my own mental health. And there was a vague possibility they failed safeguarding the first time legally, if he actually did kill me they knew my family is coming after them properly. Oh and they can't seem to place him anywhere else anyway because he's too complex and vulnerable.

In truth I'm worried. The new staff are just right type to try and get him reengaged. They are keen and enthusiastic. Kind normal unthreatening humans. But if the situation ever gets worse. I'm not convinced if DS properly flips they will stand a chance 🤪🤪🤪.

But then after I've been through what I've been through I suppose I'm going to think that. I can't help thinking it's better for DS's own self esteem and wellbeing he has people around him that don't know

Can psychosis ever really truly go? Is it possible that the really bad bits never come back? Has anyone been through anything similar?

Have reported other posts OP

i can’t provide much beyond sympathy

my uncle was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I don’t remember much as I was young. I do know that he was stable for a long time in supported living but then there were funding cuts and he declined without support. I’m not aware of the extent of any psychosis.

i would say that whilst it sounds like there is good day to day support - it sounds like ongoing individual psychiatric support is lacking. ( There was a psychiatrist ama just yesterday I don’t know if helpful to ask them)

but it sounds that both you - and he - need a dedicated ongoing psychiatric team. Are you able to afford private at all??

Sorry to hear this. I think in your shoes I’d speak to the agency and ask them to check that the carers are aware and have proper training to restrain your DS if necessary, both for their safety and his. I do understand your reluctance but if for any reason he did injure someone then decisions about his care might be taken out of your hands. Sorry, I know that’s not very positive.

I’ve also reported.

Also here and have reported.

I came to answer your question in the title but after reading your thoughtful, well written post I wanted to write something more supportive and not just share my own experience.

I agree you should check that the carers are aware of the extent of his previous violence and who this is aimed towards, other details you feel they should know. Hopefully they are aware but are just very good at their job, so you cannot tell.

I have seen little booklets “All About Me” style even for young, functioning adults.
After a few niceties these can include details of triggers, concerning behaviour, historic incidents and the year they occurred 2013, 2020, etc.
While I am not sure it’s the most PC ideal idea, it’s got to be better and more respectful than repeating the warnings out loud in front of him? And you can be sure everyone has accurate information.

Finally to answer your question, can psychosis ever really go?
Over a decade ago I had a period of psychosis myself for about eight months I imagine although I can’t be sure when it started, it could likely have been 9 months before that!

I was pregnant and for some reason I kept dreaming that Nazi’s had experimented on me and artificially inseminated another child. The experiment would be me raising my “normal” child and their “super Aryan child” together to see if Nature/Nurture was important. I told people of these interesting but scary dreams at the time! I also shared my fear for my own baby, he would be hurt during the insemination, or that they may change the aim of the experiment and want to take “their” child back and instead accidentally take my child!
I found out I was having twins!
I was still able to separate reality from the dream at this point. I was hearing voices but knew this was not normal so decided it must be my neighbour “calling her cat in” or taunting me. Things got much worse after birth.
Whilst one of the babies had big brown eyes, was tan and had brown hair like myself, the other was pale and had blue eyes and blonde hair.
Things got pretty intense to the point I was seeing people that were not there, I didn’t even realise they were not real people even though they were Victorian, floated and at times took up the same space as my own body! This bit did confuse me though.
I fell down the stairs holding “Hitler’s” baby, I let go of the newborn and saved myself. The baby fell but luckily landed on my lap. I didn’t feel bad. I knew that if I had fell and injured myself “my own” baby would suffer as they needed me! I felt like I was taking care of this “other” baby for someone else, until they were collected to return to the experiment.
Around eight months old I had a sudden realisation and was like WTF is going on! That was quite scary and I did feel worried about being alone for a couple of months similar to your son!
It has been 15 years and so far Hitler has not returned to claim his child! I love them very much and they are still blonde haired and blue eyed!
I have NEVER had even a hint of a mental health issue before or since. Not even anxiety or depression.

The carers will be trained in safe restraint and deescalation and a lot of work they are doing now (foundation laying) is preventative. They will have his care plan, risk assessment and plans on what to do when heightened. Sometimes paperwork does not fully represent or cover existing risk, so maybe you could review it all and request additions. The most important thing is that carers have all the information so they can properly safeguard themselves and the client, increasing the likelihood of successful support around the person. Regardless underpaid carers still get physically or mentally hurt doing a complex demanding job.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I have suffered from psychosis in the past. I had a couple of months where I would sense, and sometimes glimpse the spirits (I suppose) of the dead almost oozing out from where the floor meets the wall, I don't know their motivation. It was very frightening, seemed very real, and caused me not to sleep as well, which made it worse. My episode was likely caused by a medication I was taking for Bipolar, so not entirely like your son's case. But the symptoms did not return, and I just wanted to share a positive outcome with you - even if it is tenuous. GL

I'm bipolar and I have experienced psychosis on probably 3 or 4 occasions and go into complete remission in between episodes with the appropriate medication. Stress and poor sleep are the main triggers. I had a bad episode when I was doing my PhD and working 70h a day and thought I was responsible for the fate of the universe which was very distressing and I couldn't understand why no one else was as worried about the world ended as I was which was difficult. I had post partum psychosis and thought my daughter wasn't real. It didn't respond to medication like previous episodes so I did end up in hospital for the first time. I was in for 10 weeks and went from treatment resistant to in remission for the psychosis and partial remission for depression. This was 2.5 years ago, it took another year for the depression to go into remission but I have been episode free since then and recently started a medication reduction process as I ended up on slot of medication

Thank you all for your kind words and some very scary stories. It feels very wrong to say they've helped hugely but they have.

Problem with DS at his worse was if he decided he was going for you no amount of deescalation would prevent it. You literally had to have enough manpower that it didn't sèem winnable to him. Some people would set him off whatever, didn't matter what they did. The trigger was he felt this clone who had entered his home was defeatable. You had to be the right balance of self-confident but not overconfident or timid; and intimidating without being threatening. Overconfident, timid, overthreatening would all set him off. Tall people had it worse.

So we have had a few days him own someone the time carers alone.

The first day was a young lass who I don't think was a good idea at all. The care plan was in the process of being written and she had been told nothing. I ended up telling her because I couldn't in good conscience not. (although not in full horrific detail). She sought to reassurance me of her experience, which in sone ways was missing the point entirely. But she was a fill in and I was home All day.

The next few days the carer was a much better match. The care plan had gone out, the carer had said she hadn't seen one as detailed: she knew exactly what the expect when she arrived. When i looked all the information WAS in there although. She had familial experience of psychosis so does at least known you can't expect de-escalate to work and if you've got to desescalate you probably already need police back up. He did have a brief go at intimidation but then clearly decided not to go further. He let her cook for him. So we'll see

Remains to be seen if its actually possible for them to take him out solo. I starting to think it really is a two person job.

It is really clear he is still very very ill. Carers are starting to understand some odd bits of the speech. I'm going to see if they can increase the dose of antipsychotics. Camhs urgent help are in Saturday and I'm talking to the ward but ut doesn'treally seem enough. Private would be possible if it was finite duration, I'm not sure it is if psychaitric care is indefinite.