Why continue?

[WartyMcFly]

Namechange for obvious reasons.

In general I’ve handled my life pretty poorly. Never met my potential etc etc. Mediocre grades, mediocre job, divorced, not particularly close with my family, so on and so forth.

My sister on the other hand has excelled at everything. First in an Oxford STEM degree, high-flying career, stable happy life. I should be happy for her but I just hate myself.

I don’t see the point in continuing. I ruin everything I touch, I’m of no benefit to anyone, if anything I’m just an emotional drain. Even if I do continue then I don’t see any way out of this. Anyone got some insight or advice? I feel about as low as it gets.

Beats me, but if it helps, I’ve got a first from Oxford too and I also often feel like you, so it’s not your achievements that make the difference.

You are just as valuable and important as your sister. You matter, your thoughts and feelings matter, and fuck the societal pressure that makes us all feel we have to jump through particular hoops or we’ve done something wrong.

So sis jumped through all the hoops? Good for her. You didn’t - so what? It’s your life. You might have a better sense of humour or more compassion or any number of equally lovely things that don’t get measured in such an obvious way. But in the end the comparisons are irrelevant. Your selfhood counts. Your experience of the world is yours. Try to tune out from the superego crap, that conventional pressure. Tune into the things - large or small - that you like. That give you pleasure or meaning or comfort. Live your life - it’s yours - fuck anyone else’s judgement as well as the internal judgement troubling you now. Let it go and embrace your own life.

sorry you’re feeling so bad, no advice but you’re not alone.
i feel like a complete failure too. I’m so lost that I don’t know which way to turn.
I've failed at everything and I’m ruining lives.
ive been like this for so long and I don’t know any other way. I can’t live with anyone because I’m so messed up, but I can’t manage alone either.
I’ve made another gp appointment, but they dont know what to do with me anymore.

@TheSlantedOwl you've instilled some real determination in me, why on earth shouldn't I commit myself to the things I thrive at? You're dead right, thank you for knocking some sense into me

@girljulian and @Takemeback2thestart, good to know you're both alongside me in the Slough of Despond, regardless of amazing achievements(!)

Was there anything in your childhood experiences that pre-empted you and your sisters outcomes, eg was she your parents favourite (golden child)?

Mercifully, no. There was a general backdrop of academic hyper-achievement, but I don't think they were actively putting pressure on either of us or showing any undue favor. I'm a bitter curmudgeon of my own making, unfortunately.

Well, you refused the implied expectation. And in that you valued your own autonomy over what was being foisted on you in unspoken terms, even if the foisted came with glittering prizes.

Hi, sorry you are feeling this way. Your thinking reminds me of how I have felt at times in the past, and I would guess it is depression talking. So it would be good if you could contact your GP to get some help. In the meantime I would say to you - what is wrong with being mediocre? It isn't decreed that we all have to be high flyers, top of our field, subject matter experts, or the life and sole of the party. It is perfectly fine to be mediocre, and ordinary - in the same way it is ok to make mistakes or have a bad day. I think you are being hard on yourself, and holding yourself to too higher standard. Try being kind to yourself, and flipping those negatives. For example you may be divorced, but you aren't trapped in an unhappy marriage; or you might have a humble honest job, but at least you don't have the stress and pressure of a high flying career... You get the idea? GL and be kind yourself.