ADD adult diagnosis

[lollydu]

Apologies if this offends anyone. I'm not really sure what I'm asking but I've found myself struggling more and more in my home life recently and I'm wondering if it's just the way my anxiety manifests or if it's something more and that I should look into it? I've made a list anyway of some of the things I struggle with:

very organised at work with effort but home life is in disarray
Often forget appointments and events even though they are written down
Friends often tell me i seem far away or ditzy and it’s a running joke that I am pretty disorganised, always late etc
It causes friction with my partner as he often says I’m on another planet when I am fixated on a particular thing, I will google and research for hours and mentally leave the room and family life until I have satisfied my urge to be deeply involved in whatever it is I’m looking at - usually it is something I’m researching due to anxiety
Procrastinate on big jobs around the house like de cluttering - stuff just piles up and i can never start
Find it hard to motivate myself to do housework and mainly tidy up
My partner often says I struggle to multitask so that’s his perception, but I often feel like I am good at it, but in reality it goes like this - I start one task, and in the middle of that task I notice something else that needs doing so I will stop what I’m originally doing and do that and forget about what I was originally doing until i trip over it or I see it still unfinished and go back to it and this happens multiple times
Struggle with anxiety especially when routines are disrupted (the most triggering situation is when my children are ill)
I struggle massively in social situations, putting my foot in my mouth and saying inappropriate clumsy things due to my social anxiety and hyper-focussing on the wrong things
I feel myself zoning out in social situations and not listening to what is being said to me
Find it very hard to build authentic relationships with people

Often struggle when reading as I find my mind wandering off and have to read the same paragraph multiple times or when reading to my youngest I can read a whole story to her whilst obsessing over something else in my mind and not have a clue what I've actually read when I've finished
Constantly losing keys and phone

Recently live events have become overwhelming to me and I have started seeing a counsellor through work - this is helpful and it's sort of got me reflecting on how I am and the way I behave. Perfectly happy to accept this is just me and how I am when I'm anxious but I was just wondering if I should investigate it as something more?

The only thing that makes me think this is not possible is that I'm pretty good at work but it's like it takes literally everything I have to perform well there and it all falls apart at home.

Can anyone else relate?

You sound similar to me. Were you like this in childhood too? I was and my son is similar too. He's on the verge of an ADD diagnosis (now called inattentive ADHD). I'm fairly confident I have it as ADHD often runs in families.

I could have written this. I've been dealing with trying to solve anxiety for over 30 yrs and always thinking that it was the root cause, but now I'm not so sure and maybe ADD has been lurking in the background. I'm not shy, and can talk to anyone in a social situation, (even used to be known as a bit of a party girl) but am never relaxed when doing so. I enjoy social interaction, as long as it's on my terms (ie I can get away ASAP when the anxiety becomes unbearable/I have an exit). But mostly I prefer my own company. I'm even like this with my own family. Regarding most of your post, I could actually be you. Disorganised, unmotivated, shocking memory but don't forget birthdays or Drs Appointments etc.. have recently been assessed by memory clinic for 'younger people' as my concentration is virtually zero and I lose my train of thought in the middle of sentences, often. Have almost no memory of my kids from about 2-17 growing up - this upsets me hugely but went through major trauma in their early years and always wonder if it has been PTSD. Used to love reading, but like you, it's so frustrating as read same sentence over and over. Life has turned out ok, and not sure I can be bothered to spend any more years pursuing a diagnoses. The meds I'm on keep me sane, but have been referred for an MRI head scan regarding me memory, even though I passed the tests. I hope you find some answers. To most people I'm a highly functioning individual. If only they knew!

I believe I was like it in childhood - I've always felt the same social challenges and the basic jist of my reports was that I daydreamed and if I applied myself I could do very well as I am very bright. Struggled with revision and coursework but always did well in exams. Im adding this to my list lol.

Also a few other things I've thought of:

In high stress situations mostly at work in meetings I will interrupt and talk over people out of nerves or something - it's excruciatingly embarrassing but I've never been able to rectify. The conversation never flows and it feels like it's me being stilted, usually it's because I'm desperate to just say what's in my brain without listening for cues

Also this is going to sound silly but my partner is constantly on at me for leaving multiple cupboard doors open in kitchen because I open one, go do something else and forget that one's open and then open another - it's a running joke in the house but I'm beginning to see it's not so funny.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles both of you. I'm going to speak to my counsellor this week about all of this.

Good luck with the counsellor - update us if you feel you want to.

Good luck!

I feel like I could have written this - I'm so glad we have forums like thos where we can connect x

I went to see my mum today to talk about it - I thought she was going to laugh at me and tell me to stop being silly but she actually agreed with me and said I should try and explore further.

I got all my old school reports out and it's the same story on every one - always chatting, in a daydream, disorganised and unfocussed, makes careless mistakes, a couple of teachers even used the word inattentive! could achieve so much more if she applied herself as she's very bright type of thing.

Also in my GCSE years I ended up dropping out of 2 (textiles and art) the two that interestingly required the highest amount of planning, self directed action and motivation and the least exam based. I find that quite telling.

My mum said she would support me in finding some support but not really sure where to go from here.

My partner very unsupportive, just says what's the point of putting a label on it, it doesn't actually change anything. What can I say to that? I feel like it will change as it will enable me to seek support. He thinks I will just use it to excuse some of the behaviour.

Funnily enough, the gcse subjects that were coursework heavy were the ones I did worse at by far. I was close to dropping textiles too!

I’m so similar to you OP. I’m almost certain I have inattentive ADD. It’s a running joke that I’m a bit of a shit adult. I went to the doctors last year re a potential diagnosis and was told I almost certainly have the traits of ADHD, but because I am functioning - work, maintain relationships, finances - it would
not be worth pursuing a formal diagnosis. The waiting lists are so long and he felt medication probably wouldn’t be suitable or necessary for me (which I agreed with). Even though I don’t have that formal diagnosis, I am so sure I do have ADHD and tbh that’s made me feel so much better about some of the odd things I find myself doing. It has also allowed me to be kinder to myself. My DH isn’t keen on labels but I think accepts my brain does not operate the way his does. His is like a flow chart. Mine is like a spider diagram.

@lollydu , that's exactly how I am! I frustrate everyone in my life because I can be hard work. It was my son who brought add, ADHD to my attention. And I really think I have one of these things but am at a loss as to what to do next. I feel like I'd be wasting the doctors time and haven't even got a clue where I would start to explain.

Just a small update from me. I actually decided to investigate further and have just recently had a private pre assessment appointment with a specialist. It was an hour of talking about the things I struggle with and then 3 different screening questionnaires. One was for autism, one for ADHD and one was for neurodiversity symptoms in childhood. I've just had contact from them to say a full ADHD screening was indicated from the results of the assessment. So I'm glad I started the ball rolling. They were clear with me that even from the pre assessment it wasn't guaranteed they would advise to proceed with the assessment as it could have indicated other things and even having an assessment doesn't automatically mean I will get a diagnosis but I'm glad I started the process.

I have all the traits you mention re. a life in chaos but none of the countless psychiatrists and therapists I have seen over the decades have ever suggested that I could have ADHD.

I'm sorry to hear that - is it something you believe to be true? I didn't think so until I read all my old school reports and realised this is a lifetime struggle for me not just something that's started recently - this is key for an ADHD diagnosis. Do you have evidence of these things being an issue in childhood? I hope you get to the bottom of it x

Hi @lollydu, my feeling is that it would have been picked up by now if I did have ADHD so I think it is quite possible to have all the traits you describe without it being ADHD. My traits have been there since childhood too.
Good luck though, I hope you get the diagnosis you are hoping for.

Just a little update - it's taken a long time even privately but I did go for an assessment and I do have ADHD. So anyone that can relate to my original post or feels the way I do it would be worth exploring.x

Thanks for sharing your "journey" (for lack of a better word) @lollydu What you've written really resonates. If you feel comfortable I'd be interested to hear about your recommended treatment like meds or worksheets?

Sure - I'm still not really sure what happens next, I have my report and I think the next step is to speak to my GP to see if they accept shared care agreement (diagnosis was private) or if I will have to start again at the beginning with the NHS. I want to try meds for definite. Also the psychologist said about DBT therapy which can be really helpful for ADHD. (I understand now at the end of all this that ADD is not really a term anymore and it's called inattentive ADHD). I was diagnosed as predominantly inattentive rather than combined presentation or hyperactive but the psychologist said I do have evidence of internal hyperactivity as lots of women do but the diagnoses criteria is still skewed towards a dominance of how it presents in males. If I remember I will update here with any further decisions and happenings with treatment etc :)