How to deal with anxiety right now

[GCautist]

I know this is most likely hormonal but I need something to help in the here and now.

My anxiety is through the roof today. I don’t tend to get anxiety like this but my mind is working overtime looking for things to be anxious about. Even distracting myself just reveals more stuff to get anxious about. I’m perimenopausal and on HRT (think it needs upped) and I’m on my period too so it’s a double whammy. Ordinarily anxiety isn’t a feature of my life. I fully expect it will be gone in a day or two but what do I do to get rid of it now?

My partner has lied about a lot of debt and while it’s been sorted to an extent I’m still stressing about that and his other lies mostly relating to hiding the debt and his frivolous spending. I’ve taken full control of all finances to ensure our bills are paid etc but this is another layer of mental work to do on top of everything else. I’m stressing about upcoming events for my daughter that involve a lot of bureaucracy that I am left to do because my partners adhd means he forgets it all. My youngest ND child came home from school the other day saying an older boy touched his Willy and now I’m having to carefully cope with all that while my partner is at work. I’ve spoken with my partner about needing more help with the mental load and to be fair he does an awful lot more than me in relation to cooking and cleaning and ferrying kids about but he’s working every weekend to earn enough to pay his debts meaning I’m juggling all this, family life and with zero time to myself. Both my parents are away on holiday so no family support and no time to make the kind of friends you actually speak about meaningful stuff with.

I know this will all seem small once the hormones have settled again in a day or two and I don’t need medication, but until then how do I stop my brain from going over and over and over it all?

Totally feel for you, I’m like this a lot of the time (peri) and I spend hours going over different scenarios in my head that will probably never even happen. I spend a lot of time trying to talk myself down and telling myself I’m being irrational. It exhausting. I find trying to focus on a hobby or interest helps for a short time, going for a walk can help but other times it just makes me think and work myself up even more.

My periods are no longer regular so I have no idea when I’m about to get hormonal 😬. Luckily my dp doesn’t live with me, he knows when I’m in foul mood it’s best to not talk to me, he’s pretty understanding (at the moment).

Firstly do some box breathing to bring down your adrenalin;

Secondly recognise that you can't do everything at once. Focus on the one thing you can do now, today, to remind you that you are in control. That may well be going for a walk or a drive with your children or having an hour to yourself. Whatever it is it will inform your mind that you are capable and ordered.

If it helps try writing out a grid with the things you need to do ranked in order of importance/urgency. So there's stuff that's important but not urgent, stuff that's urgent but not important, etc. There will be things you think of that are neither. Write them on a piece of paper and chuck it in the bin!

HTH.

Thanks. The breathing works while I do it but as soon as I stop it all rushes back.

I had a relatively easy puberty so I think perimenopause is properly kicking my arse.

OK. Try this worksheet to challenge and re-order your thoughts;

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf

I think perimenopause is properly kicking my arse.

If you believe that then it will happen. But maybe it's the complicated situation you're in right now that's more the issue?

I don’t have any advice I’m afraid but I do know how you feel. I feel anxious all the time…can’t stop worrying. I’ve tried medication and cbt but am still an anxious mess.

You have a hell of a lot on your plate at the moment, it's entirely understandable that you are anxious. When I am anxious I chant a Buddhist mantra Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo (under my nose or as loud as I like). You can get more information on pronunciation and the meaning from the Buddhist website SGI-UK. They also run local discussion meetings that anyone can pop over, one doesn't need to be a practicing Buddhist to attend. This mantra was a game changer for me when I was taken off my university course due to undiagnosed learning disability and had to fight my way back onto the course. It a kind of breathing exercise, you have to chant fast and after 20 minutes I always find myself more composed. They say it's best to sit down and visualise the outcome you want when chanting. If I am short of time I would chant while doing the dishes etc, it still works for me. I also find the discussion meetings very helpful, people are friendly and it's good to hear what other people think of your problem because I sometimes overthink. This is what works for me. I first chanted in August 2011, never looked back.