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Life's turned to Shit

4 replies

ELCismyspiritnana · 28/01/2024 11:26

So I'm trying really hard not to let myself fall back into a slump, but the last year has been really awful. Bad period of depression followed by a job which was impossible to succeed in despite working all hours and from which I was fired. That hurt so much as I have never been let go before, never under performed or felt so humiliated.

Had a very difficult episode with my partners son which meant 4 people living in a tiny house for months, us sleeping on a blow up bed, no room for clothes etc.

Been struggling with peri-menopause symptoms and changing body, rapid ageing and trying to manage this with my ongoing deoression (I've been living with it for 20 years, it's a long journey!)

Then last week my partner left me. I knew he'd been down but didn't think he'd just leave. I thought we were committed and just been in a bad patch. We were together 5 years and it was a massive shock. He just packed and left while I was at work.

I dont really blame him if I'm honest. I'm bound to be difficult to live with re my depression and add in peri menopause I'm sure he's not been getting what he needed, but I was doing my best.

I'm just finding it difficult now to see a future for myself and nor feel sorry for myself. Not having someone just for me, not having someone who will commit to me long term or have a shared history with. Knowing that I'm such a poor prospect for a relationship I'm unlikely to have a successful one is very hard. Although the thought of being with anyone is awful at the moment.

It's not even my actual partner I'm missing as in the end he proved in a lot of small ways he's not who I thought he was. It's the bleakness of being mid forties and alone and dealing with my crappy illness.

I don't even know why I'm posting really. I just want to scream into the void and get it all down I guess.

OP posts:
Ghostlygirl · 28/01/2024 21:05

Hello, sorry to hear you’ve been struggling. I don’t have any expert advice, but maybe break things down and focus on one thing at a time? I know that’s easier said than done. Have you found another job? I can understand why you were hurt by what happened in your old job. It could well be the case that you’re not the only one they’ve done this to (I once worked in a place where they did this to people all the time, it was awful).

A relationship break-up is never nice (it must have been a shock to come home to that) but maybe use this time to enjoy having your own space and focusing on your health. Do you have any friends nearby whom you could see, are there any interesting places you could visit on your days off, do you enjoy going for long walks?

Apologies if my advice is wide of the mark, I really just wanted to sympathise as it sounds like you’re really going through a rough time.

MysteriousInspector · 28/01/2024 21:14

You need some time to recover. Are you OK for money? Can you take a few weeks to just let yourself process this at the back of your mind?

Make nice food, go for walks, go for a coffee, watch daft telly, listen to music, read a book or MN - these are the things that help me when I've been through a bad period like you've just had.

Believe me, you will be better off alone than with this bloke. I got stuck with mine, and only got free in my very late fifties.

ELCismyspiritnana · 29/01/2024 18:40

Sorry yes I do have a new job, and local friends.

The thing I'm most struggling with is the change in how my future will now be. And frankly very sad that I eill be alone in older age (I did OLD last time and it was brutal and miserable. I was 5 years younger and 3 stone lighter then, I can't imagine ever going through it again.

All the self help stuff says to focus on myself, hobbies, new interests etc. But at 40 odds I'm happy enough with that. I want a relationship, someone just for me, through thick and thin and properly committed. That's gone and I'm so sad. Especially the suddenness.

Thank you both so much for responding, I do have friends to talk to but there's only so much moping I can inflict on them .

OP posts:
MysteriousInspector · 30/01/2024 02:13

Seriously, don't focus on anything yet. You need some time to heal.

FWIW I got together with the love of my life when we were both 60. Though we had known each other a long time.

When the time is right, you will find the next step. Thank goodness you have a new job and good friends.

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