Feeling very upset and embarrassed 😞

[Teapotwitch]

Hello everyone. I have no idea where to put this as it's all over the place. I have anxiety issues and social anxiety which I am getting help for meds/counsellor. I also have a child with SNs so need to communicate a lot with school staff who are generally lovely and helpful.

Last summer my son had a couple of insect bites which were obviously treated with sting cream and went away within a few days but were very itchy. I mentioned it to his TA who said it was a flea bite, said she saw one jump from his cushion and promptly chucked the cushion in the bin. She asked me to check my dog. Mortified I went through the dog and house with a fine tooth comb, she was clean as a whistle. She also has preventative measures from the vet as well as being groomed/inspected several times a week. She has never had fleas. Satisfied we did not have a problem and insect bites cleared and didn't come back.

It may be me ... probably is... but his TA has been very weird around me since and not very friendly. She wanted to come to the house to see how I interact with my son. I thought it was an odd request but was happy and invited her for lunch. It was really awkward as I felt she was inspecting our home (which I take pride in).

I also had a friend who works in school, our daughters play together but she started making excuses for play dates coffee etc. She is lovely but has OCD around cleanliness. Basically I'm worried that the school think my children are neglected and live in a flea infested house 😞. I just can't get the thought out of my head. I'm probably being paranoid as it upset me quite a lot. Also..is it possible for school to have a flea problem in the middle of summer?

Reading back I sound a bit bonkers I know but I'm struggling ☹️

I can't tell you if you're being paranoid or not but if it's true then they're being ridiculous.
Any house with pets can get fleas. It's what you do about it when you know that matters

This is probably totally the wrong thing to say but I don't think you sound bonkers at all. I'd also be worrying about the same thing. That's not to say that you're right though, it may be a trial coincidence

*total

said she saw one jump from his cushion and promptly chucked the cushion in the bin. She asked me to check my dog.
Did you go back and tell her your dog definitely does not have fleas?
If they have carpets it’s possible for them to have a flea problem at any time, they could have come from anywhere, and your DC could have been bitten in school. I got bitten in a waiting room of a public building a couple of years ago.

Why do they have concerns regarding how you interact with your son?
I’d find that far more concerning.

You’re not bonkers but probably are over thinking a little. I suffer from anxiety too and am possibly on the spectrum (going through diagnosis), one of the therapists I saw a few years ago told me people on the spectrum tend to hold on to things in their head for longer and blow them out of proportion, which is exactly what I do. Anxiety likes to make us think our actions are the reason for other peoples behaviours when often they are not.

As for the fleas, a lot of people have them in their house, my cat often gets them and I don’t notice until dd gets bitten (they seem to like her blood), I don’t see it as a sign of a dirty home, just a sign of owning furry animals.

is it only me that finds it inappropriate that a TA has asked to come and see how you interact with your son at home. This feels like a complete overreach to me.... I would be having a word with the head

Because he's non verbal autistic and I was doing a course with an autistic charity to help him with his communication. Sorry should have made it clearer.

Thank you for saying that I found it really weird and awkward and I don't think it achieved anything but I have nothing to hide so I didn't mind.

Ah, I see.

A teaching assistant has absolutely no right to be in your home. Was she involved in the course for communication that you're taking? If not then it has absolutely nothing to do with her how you interact with your son at home. I personally would have refused her request and asked her where she thought she had the standing to even request such a thing!

Thank you. I felt the same which is why it triggered my anxiety and I was putting connections together. It's probably me trying to make sense of something inappropriate and linking event in the summer.

Yes this is a possibility if you suffer from anxiety as we've all done this with our anxious minds putting 2+2 and getting 5.

The 'flea' seen could also have been a live nit. Might be worth checking / treating child's hair for nits. Nits, especially so in autistic children who have sensory issues with hair brushing and washing, is nit a judgement on parenting. It's just something that school staff know autistic children are more prone to so are watchful of.

I agree with the poster who said they could come from the school. I work in a school and we used to regularly have our carpets treated for fleas. Since the cutbacks, I honestly can’t remember the last time the carpets were cleaned and treated.

Last summer our vets changed their supplier for flea treatment but assured us it was the same formula as before. I treat my cats monthly but by the second month, our house was infested - it obviously wasn't the same formula because it had stopped flippin' working! Anyway, we fumigated the house and switched brands of flea treatment and everything is fine and flea-free now.

If you have pets, it's going to happen once in a while (although hopefully not to the extent we had it). Likewise, a random flea at school could have been brought in from anywhere. To throw a cushion in the bin is ridiculous.

I wouldn’t have allowed the TA in my house. She has
no right to even ask that. Secondly you may be being a bit paranoid concerning your friend and play dates etc but I’d be speaking to the school as this TA is bound by confidentiality and shouldn’t be discussing anything that occurs in school (just incase she has).

I'm a TA and I can't imagine any situation ever where I'd go to a pupil's home. Certainly not alone. Something is seriously wrong in a school if that's going on.

How did a TA visit your house? This sounds very strange and not right at all. Speak to the head teacher!

I think people see a red mark and assume flea bites. When I had my youngest the health visitor came round with a trainee, at the end the trainee was telling the HV the summary of visit and included "visible flea bites on baby" .... to say I was gobsmacked was an understatement, as they were milk spots I challenged her straight away and the HV told her to remove it as no one had mentioned flea bites! I was fuming. I'd say milk spots are fairly basic knowledge with babies too.