For as long as I can remember I have not felt right in myself. I get very low, it is hard to do anything when I am in that space. I struggle with some suicidal ideation during these periods as I just can not see a way to make the feeling stop and life feels pointless. I hate that feeling so much that I will often do quite intense things to get out of it. When I was younger it was things like cutting, and eating disorders, as I got older it was over-exercising, and inappropriate relationships. More recently it tends to be overworking or signing up for courses that I often do not have time to do or buying books that I do not have time to read. These intense periods are not sustainable and eventually, I crash again so I am stuck in this low/high cycle.
I have tried so many things to feel better. Therapy, CBT, counseling, psychologists, meditation, yoga, hypnotherapy - nothing works. I am on anti-depressants already.
I am wondering if it is time to just give into it and accept that this is my life. Or is there something else to try? I am exhausted.