Can’t cope

[Cantcope3211]

Hi guys so I’m mainly just looking for some advice please don’t judge as my mental health is literally in the bin

so since October I’ve been experiencing sickness and really bad nausea with bad anxiety and also not sleeping. I work nights at a care home for people with servere dementia and other mental illnesses I work 3 x 12 hour night shifts so 20-8 then have two nights off so not much recovery time then go back for another three I’ve done this for 5 years with no problem and also picked up when I could however since October whenever I’ve had to go to work I feel this anxiety come over me and sickness nausea to the point I’m heaving.

I struggled through till January and had time off after Christmas during this time I went to my doctor who said he thinks I’m doing the sickness and nausea by myself that I’m that worked up and anxious I’m making myself sick he gave me a sick note for two weeks and sertraline and advised me to relax while being off work the sickness hasn’t been as bad more off and on however when the time comes that I would usually go to work 7pm I get really anxtious and feel sick sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?:( I’ve also been sleeping better when before I wasn’t.

I’ve moved back in with my mom which she loves and she has advised to quit as it’s making me really unwell and she doesn’t believe I should be doing nights anymore. However I have gotten myself into a lot of debt due to being in a violent relationship so in all I’m about 8k in debt with loan companies all which I’m paying back however when speaking to one company today they advised I go for a Debt relief order as my credit score was bad anyway and it could be time till I’m debt free ? My mother doesn’t know this and I feel too ashamed to tell her.

I’ve spoke to my manager who doesn’t want me to quit however there’s that many people just walking out at the moment or going on the sick I’ve heard since I’ve been off there’s been a whole new team 😥 I’ve thought about reducing hours or going on days and he has said no he’d want me on nights as I’m the only one really that knows what there doing my deputy manager has said to take as much time as I want or need as the company really doesn’t care either way. All while I’m off I’m on SSP so not getting full pay just very basic.

the only thing is with this job is it is well paid I know if I was too quit I wouldn’t get that money elsewhere also I’m 32 single and had to move back in with my mother at a time I thought I would be settled with a good job kids and a partner I feel like I have nothing and have failed to a degree.

any advice would you quit and look for a lower paid job I would probably be doing the same job working with dementia but for minimum wage Or would you try to hold on try to pay off my debts and get myself comfortable and just try to learn to cope with the nausea and anxiety.

should I go for a debt relief order? I’m at a total loss of what to do if I’m honest I’m back at the doctors tommrow and I’m two minds to ask for another sick note even though I genuinely can’t afford to be off

Your health is so much more important than, well, anything else.

You've been doing this for five years and your body - and mind - is telling you enough is enough. Listen to it. Of course your manager doesn't want you to quit or stop doing nights because she needs people to work those shifts but that's her problem, not yours.

Please take this opportunity to step back, take a job that will let you cover the minimum debt repayments, let your mum care for you and breathe. You are young and resilient and you have plenty of future in front of you but you can't go on as you are. Ulcers from stress don't care about age!!

Take a week in bed - the world will continue to turn - then talk to Citizens Advice (or other free debt advice agencies) about tackling the debt and think about what you want to do.

For now, be very kind to yourself.

I just want to Thankyou for your kind words I’ve been to the doctors today and he’s upped my sertraline and also given me diazepam he’s basically said the exact same thing as you and offered to sign me off longer if needed I will definitely think about finding another job

Can you play hard ball with your work? Tell them if they won’t put you in day shifts you are quitting. Ask if they would rather lose you altogether given their high staff turnover? They’ve coped without you so they don’t ‘need’ you on nights.

It sounds like a lot of hard work and I’m not surprised you are so stressed from it.

With the debt situation there are lots of charities that can advise. If you don’t mind moving back home that should help save money to pay off some of your debts though.