struggleing to survive each day.

[charlotte121]

Im finding things just way too much at the moment. No matter what i seem to say to people noone seems to be listening and tonight had i had them to hand, i could have quite happily drunk a bottle of vodka and swallowed a whole load of pills.
Have felt this way for a while now and the fact that im 30 weeks pg and have a 9month old ds kept me going because they need me, but i cant do it anymore and no1 will listen. Im literally craking up under the strain of everything.
ex has a new gf, i literally begged him to come over and just keep me company this evening and he did say he would. cooked him dinner only to get a txt to say he was going to see his barbie doll and would be over another evening.
I cant keep up with all my university work and dont feel I can ask for anymore help or extensions. Had a lot of exceptiong last year as i was ill with glandular fever and pg.
Im sick of being alone and having to cope with everything. I never get a moments peace. ds wont sleep and i just cant go on anymore. My flat still has so much decorating that needs to be completed before baby arrives and I have just recieved my bank statement which highlighted how skint i am. nothing will go right. trying to deal with my own problems but having to support my mum who has cancer. I know everyone has problems but i just dont know where to turn. I have told people how miserable i am but no1 seems to recognise that im being serious. im falling appart and feel like a total failiur. cant stop crying and the worst thing is that i think im making my beautiful son, (the only good thing i have in my life) miserable.

Where are you, darling?

Charlotte so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time.

Is there a student counselling serivce that you could access? Or get to your doctor or health visitor and ask for help. There is no need to struggle on alone.

Hopefully someone with more experience will be along, could not ignore your post

Ah! You're in Bristol. So am I.

live in horfield in a horrible little flat, stuck here on my own and i hate it.

I'm sorry things are so hard for you.

Don't think you are making your lovely son miserable. He will be fine. You are giving him so much love. Be kind to yourself. Forget the decorating unless it makes you happy to do it. Don't be afraid to ask for as much help as you can get. Visit the doctor if you havn't already.

Best wishes

OK, charlotte.

You've asked for help, and I can give it. Here's my email address. Please don't be shy. I'm a regular poster, and most people like me (although some think I'm a bastard)

[email protected]

No rush, but I shall come with paintbrush and annoying three year old. First thing you need to do is get your place in order ... then your thoughts will follow.

There are other MNers in Bristol, too. We can help you.

OH Desi! Your post brought a tear to my eye!

Do email her charlotte.

If I was near Bristol I would join you.

Oh Desi well done girl

Charlotte, good luck sweetheart

thanks
I think most of these feeling are because of my ex. it has really hurt me that he has found it so easy to move on and just seems to have forgotton about ds and me. I left him but i still love him etc... just wouldnt work. I just hate the whole situation and i hate the way my moods just go from one extreeme to the next.

Desi I heart you.

I remember your earlier post. You have a lot on your plate at the mo and your ex isnt helping. But YOU left HIM and that took strength and guts.
Keep posting so we know how you are and thank goodness for people like Desi. X

I just found tonight too much to cope with. I have an assignment that is due in tomorrow, have already been given an extension on it and i havnt got it done. I just keep ending up sitting on my own in floods of tears and wasting my evenings away. I just feel so stupid and week. I have been through much tougher harder times than this in the past so why is it now that my emotions decide to go on strike and have a riot???
desi if ur really up for painting my horrible flat then we shall have to arrange it some time. Im thinking we relay the carpets... "accidently" leaving my ex underneath. oh well at least im smiling now... you have achieved a smile.

Desi is great btw

Just wanted to add, you need to go and speak to your personal tutor, if you can't keep up even with extensions she or he can help your prioritise the really important assignments and help you cope with it. Thats a start. Also, you can get a doctors note so that maybe they will give you further consideration because of your circumstances. If the worse comes to the worse and you feel you really can't cope just now, you dont have to give up, you can intermit and take a year out, you can do this no problem i am sure with your circumstances. MAke a point of going to your tutor and telling them everything, if you find you cannot talk comfortably to them, find another tutor and ask them to talk on your behalf. That will be a weight off of your mind. So long as you keep the uni informed of your problems they will bend over backwards to help you. Or at least they should

Oh i have just looked at your profile - leon is my favourite film too, and DPs. He wanted to name DD maltilde but i couldn't, not with that association . Great film though, apart from the begening which i find far to violent.

don't do anything or beat yourslef up about feeling bad! You have so much on yr plate and have coped with it til now, you should be proud! Pregnancy hormones are a bugger for making things seem worse sometimes too, don't know if it works that way for you?
Hope you're ok today.

bump

Hi Charlotte

I am in Bristol too - Sea Mills way so not far from Horfield. I have been posting on the citalopram buddies thread for a few months and having support really does help. Can you talk to you doctor? There are plenty of ads that are safe in pg and it sounds like you need the help.

My 2 are 17 months apart and it is hard when pg and they are little but now (6 & 5) they are fantastic - dd brought ds breakfast in bed as he had a minor op Wed so cannot go out, I thought that was so sweet

My dh is away lots so I know the 'trapped' feeling of being alone with children - even getting a pint of milk is an excursion!

Like Desi, I would love to come with a paint brush and two noisy children when ds is past the risk of infection, or can take your ds off for a walk on the Downs if you just need space.

My email is [email protected]