I'm too scared of side-effects to start anti-depressants.

[Jenkeywoo]

Background - history of anxiety / depression at varying times of my life. Took prozac for a while about 10 years ago for panic attacks and it really helped. Mental health always goes severely downhill when I'm pregnant - first pregnancy awful panic attacks and had counselling. 2nd pregnancy insomnia and OCD symptoms and was treated with diazepam for a couple of weeks.

dd is nearly two and I have been ok since her birth. She has cerebral palsy and about a month ago she was had her diagnosis changed (to a more significant type of cerebral palsy which means that she is unlikey to walk for some time). I have found it hard to pick myself up and am feeling depressed. I think I'm also dwelling on the traumatic birth as her 2nd birthday approaches. I've also been having about a night week of awful anxiety and insomnia where I am up till at least 4am.

I saw the GP yesterday and he said he could treat insomnia or depression but would not recommend both. I decided to go for AD's and he prescribed me Seroxat as I'm still breastfeeding. I picked up the prescription today and read the side effects and just thought no way can I take them. I'm terrified of the side-effects and terrified that getting off them eventually will be awful. I have looked at Seratline too as it's also ok for breastfeeding but again some of the threads here make me really really scared. I am already obese and the weight gain thing on either of them worries me but it's mainly all of the scary mental health side-effects that scare me.

I feel so scared right now I can feel my heart starting to race and I'm too scared to go to bed. I also have the hot and cold shakes as I have the start of a fluey type thing and I think I'm not thinking straight. I need help don't know what to do. I wish I could have hypnotherapy but we're massively over-drawn so it's out of the question. I had about 4 sessions when I was pregnant and it enabled me to get off the diazepam but it cost over £200 and we just don't have the money.

Some ADs will help with insomnia too so it isn't necessarily an either/ or situation.

The side effects of any medication are unlikely to happen or be too serious but they have to mention them anyway, just in case. ADs might make you feel a bit nauseous or groggy for a week or so but they tend to go away after that.

Unless you have a different option, I think you might need to decide whether the effects of the anxiety/ insomnia/ depression are worse than the side effects of your medication. And for now, I wouldn't worry about coming off them. You'll do that when you feel better and can decide how best to deal with that at the time.

Hope you feel less worried and come up with a solution soon.

Jenky

I have a DD with SN , have been through a lot and I can honestly say, after starting AD's about 2 months ago....I wish I had took them 5 years ago

I too, like most people, looked at the side effects and was terrified and had the prescription for about 5 days , then when I did eventually took one I cried

But they have helped so much, it is unbelieveable the change in me

and the only side effects I had was a slight headache for 5 days

(also having counselling)

I feel for you. i'm the same, really loathe to take htem espeically iwht the latest research quesiotning their efficacy. Would you try any other natural stuff, 5HTP, melatonin or would any lifestlye stuff help - going out for a run etc? I say this knowing how hard it is to be awake so much of the night, its' horrible and it feels like only something reallt potent can sort it out. But maybe you could look at underlying causes of the insomnia/depression too and see if you can alleviate htem? Do you need a break from the kids more for example? Could you ask family/friend?

I have to say that i am testament to the latest research being "a fat load of bollocks" and actually quite damaging, if women are shunning ADs because of it. Interesting that you suggested 5HTP, this is actually a building block of seratonin, which is why it is recommended, however, whether it ever gets metabolised to seratonin is not clear. A good proportion of ADs prescribed are SSRIs (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors) which make the body make better use of the seratonin it releases. The consequense of this is more seratonin receptors are synthesised on the cells which receive it, they take up more and feedback mechanisms tell the "sending cell" to make more, so we actually end up with a positive effect from SSRIs even when we have stopped taking them. As someone who was living scared, almost suicidal and about to throw a fifteen year relationship down the drain, i can tell you, ADs WORK!! They are not for everyone and everyone reacts differently.

I did post a reply to this post yesterday but my computor crashed mid send and it obviouslyt didnt go through.

I think homeopathic and herbal medicines have a use too, however you must be careful not to mix certain ones with SSRIs as they can increase the unwanted side effects.

You need counselling i think, it is available on the NHS, maybe you could look on the SN board to see if anyone knows of sessions taylored to mums with children with problems. I think you need to exorcise the demons of the traumatic birth, i had a "traumatic" normal birth, but in my mind it was traumatic and it played on my mind for months and contributed in no small way to my PND.

So sorry you are going through this - i cant say i have any real practical advise, apart from, give the ADs a chance, they can make you feel a bit shit for a week or two but after that most people feel the benefit, i felt sick for two days, then i was fine, my DP said it was like getting the old me back. Try, if you can, to get out in the air every day, that naturally boosts seratonin levels, and drink plenty of water too, that helps.

Hope you feel better soon. xx

mischief, sorry if that post seemed like i was shouting you down, not at all, just quite angry about research being published by the media that is skewed to present how they want it, ie: to sell as many papers as possible. Of course the research is more than likely competent, but there are probably loads of studies that suggest the oppostie too

don't worry, no offence taken. I'm sure it works for some (isn't the latest research suggesitng a genetic link for those it works for?) I just assume I'm one of those on the other side (glass, half-empty that' me1(

I must admit to not having actually read the research , however that i suppose would be a sensible suggestion. Some people just ARE depressed, either through hormonal upheaval or chemical inbalance, and this could definately have a genetic link. I think there was a suggestion, and maybe this is true to a degree that if you are depressed due to circumstance then you may not benefit. I still disagree as, from the point of view of seratonin and other neurotransmitters to do with mood, they are produced at a lower level during times of stress, this results in less receptors and a reduction in production - so, making the body make better use etc can only be a good thing, and whilst they dont take the bad things away, they help one to cope.

jenkeywoo, so sorry you are feeling like this. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and have found that SSRIs can make the anxiety worse - I would not take them again, particularly not seroxat which I had great difficulty coming off (everyone's different though, I know they work well for some). I am now on dothiepin (a tricyclic) which suits me much better - I am also breastfeeding so I know it's considered OK for this. Would it be worth you considering a tricyclic?

Jenkeywoo has anyone mentioned post traumatic stress (PTSD)? It may be worth asking your HV or GP about it and asking for some help specifically related to that. It may also be worth contacting the Birth Trauma Association (link above is from their site) for some advice too.

Two treatments recommended by NICE for PTSD are CBT and EMDR had both on the NHS for PTSD and both have helped in some way but there is often a wait for CBT and EMDR is not not widely available on the NHS. I mention a site below called Living Life to The Full it is a free online CBT course you can just sign up for it it may be something you can use as a stop gap.

Other things worth thinking about may be

Writing things down and keeping a diary can also sometimes help you get things straight in your head, put things in perspective, and even work out your own solutions.

Other things that can help is exercise as it helps your body produce chemicals that effect mood, concentration and sleep. It can be gentle like walking (outside and sunshine is very good) swimming etc or if you need something to take out a bit of anger and aggression on then something like kick boxing may be appropriate. You can get something called exercise on prescription, it is worth asking your GP about, you get assessed by a personal trainer, who works with you a programme which is appropriate for you and monitors your progress.

The other side of exercise is relaxation, something as simple as getting time to your self to have a bath and pamper yourself can help as can more formal forms such as visualisation, meditation, yoga, Ti Chi.... If you want to try a guided relaxation there is a free one you can download onto an MP3 player from Living Life to The Full it is a online CBT site. You do have to join bit it is free and you can opt out of email stuff so you do not end up with a lot of crap. You will find downloads under the second tab called down the side called Course Resources.

The other area which sometimes gets forgotten when you are stressed is diet often because appetite is one of the things that is effected. It is important to try to eat a balanced healthy diet. This does not mean that you cannot eat things you enjoy but make sure you have plenty of fresh fruit and veg proteins and carbs. If you have a poor appetite a the moment try eating small, regular meals 4-5 times a day rather than struggle to eat 2-3 big ones. This can also help keep your blood sugars more even ad sometimes dips in blood sugar can effect your mood (sugary foods and drinks can also cause large peaks and troughs in your blood sugar). It may be worth considering a vitamin mineral supplement something that contains a good range of B vitamin complex, Vitamin C Vitamin E Magnesium, Calcium, magnesium, Chromium, Selenium, Iron, Zinc

Links on diet and food
depression.about.com/cs/diet/a/vitamin.htm
www.mind1st.co.uk/omega-3-6-9.asp
www.aboutomega3.com/omega_3_depression_been_feeling_down_and_depressed.html
www.lowgidiet.net/pages/lowgiwhy.shtml
www.the-gi-diet.org]]
www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Depression/treatm ent/alternative/brain_chemistry.asp]]
ezinearticles.com/?Using-Vitamins-And-Minerals-For-Dep ression&id=655001]]
www.whfoods.com/nutrientstoc.php?PHPSESSID=aa18536dc388773f6da985c9a4c60 70a]]
www.eatwell.gov.uk/healthydiet/nutritionessentials/vitaminsandminerals]]
www.m edicinenet.com/vitamins_minerals_and_nutritional_supplements/article.htm]]
ods.od.nih.gov/He althInformation/VitaminandMineralSupplementFactsheets.aspx]]

Jenkeywoo has anyone mentioned post traumatic stress (PTSD)? It may be worth asking your HV or GP about it and asking for some help specifically related to that. It may also be worth contacting the Birth Trauma Association (link above is from their site) for some advice too.

Two treatments recommended by NICE for PTSD are CBT and EMDR had both on the NHS for PTSD and both have helped in some way but there is often a wait for CBT and EMDR is not not widely available on the NHS. I mention a site below called Living Life to The Full it is a free online CBT course you can just sign up for it it may be something you can use as a stop gap.

Other things worth thinking about may be

Writing things down and keeping a diary can also sometimes help you get things straight in your head, put things in perspective, and even work out your own solutions.

Other things that can help is exercise as it helps your body produce chemicals that effect mood, concentration and sleep. It can be gentle like walking (outside and sunshine is very good) swimming etc or if you need something to take out a bit of anger and aggression on then something like kick boxing may be appropriate. You can get something called exercise on prescription, it is worth asking your GP about, you get assessed by a personal trainer, who works with you a programme which is appropriate for you and monitors your progress.

The other side of exercise is relaxation, something as simple as getting time to your self to have a bath and pamper yourself can help as can more formal forms such as visualisation, meditation, yoga, Ti Chi.... If you want to try a guided relaxation there is a free one you can download onto an MP3 player from Living Life to The Full it is a online CBT site. You do have to join bit it is free and you can opt out of email stuff so you do not end up with a lot of crap. You will find downloads under the second tab called down the side called Course Resources.

The other area which sometimes gets forgotten when you are stressed is diet often because appetite is one of the things that is effected. It is important to try to eat a balanced healthy diet. This does not mean that you cannot eat things you enjoy but make sure you have plenty of fresh fruit and veg proteins and carbs. If you have a poor appetite a the moment try eating small, regular meals 4-5 times a day rather than struggle to eat 2-3 big ones. This can also help keep your blood sugars more even ad sometimes dips in blood sugar can effect your mood (sugary foods and drinks can also cause large peaks and troughs in your blood sugar). It may be worth considering a vitamin mineral supplement something that contains a good range of B vitamin complex, Vitamin C Vitamin E Magnesium, Calcium, magnesium, Chromium, Selenium, Iron, Zinc

Links on diet and food
depression.about.com/cs/diet/a/vitamin.htm
www.mind1st.co.uk/omega-3-6-9.asp
www.aboutomega3.com/omega_3_depression_been_feeling_down_and_depressed.html
www.lowgidiet.net/pages/lowgiwhy.shtml
www.the-gi-diet.org]]
www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Depression/treatm ent/alternative/brain_chemistry.asp]]
ezinearticles.com/?Using-Vitamins-And-Minerals-For-Dep ression&id=655001]]
www.whfoods.com/nutrientstoc.php?PHPSESSID=aa18536dc388773f6da985c9a4c60 70a]]
www.eatwell.gov.uk/healthydiet/nutritionessentials/vitaminsandminerals]]
www.m edicinenet.com/vitamins_minerals_and_nutritional_supplements/article.htm]]
ods.od.nih.gov/He althInformation/VitaminandMineralSupplementFactsheets.aspx]]

Kaz1967 - thank you for taking the time to reply to me, I am having a look at the links. I actually initially thought of PTSD but didn't mention it when I talked to the doctor as I thought he would think I was being over-dramatic. I feel even less inclined to take the anti-depressants than I did yesterday and I'm going to make another appointment with the GP to discuss all of this. CBT looks very interesting, but again it's the NHS waiting list that could be a deciding factor.

I have just started running with my dh but we're really struggling to get out as my little girl relies on me to go to sleep and often isn't settled till 8.30pm ish so we end up going out late and then eating late which doesn't suit me well. I do have family nearby but I already need help from them for looking after my other dd who is 3 during the physio appointments etc - I don't feel I could ask for babysitting so I could do something for me. I feel they would think I was being really self-indulgent, when the reality is that the only time I have when the children aren't with me is the 2 hours a week when I go to my adult education class.

Traumatic childbirth is a common cause of PTSD It was not the cause of mine but I have 3 friends who have because of childbirth events.

Are you getting any support for your Daughters condition? Are you getting any rest bite care? Not sure when you can start getting it but it may be worth looking into DLA if you are not already claiming it, The paperwork is very very repetitive but it is not dependant on if or what you are earning and will not effect any other benefits. There is also a disability element to child tax credit ask about it if you are not already claiming it.

Are you in contact with SCOPE they should be able to offer you some practical advice too about cerebral palsy

Jenkeywoo how are things? hope you are having a good Easter

Hi Kaz - I've only just seen your message. thank you for thinking of me. Things have been mixed - I'm fine by day but the nights have been really bad. Awful insomnia which just means I'm awake every 15 mins throughout the night. I've been taking diphenhydramine and some left-over diazepam I found in the cupboard from last time I had these problems (not at the same time of course). I'm seeing the GP tomorrow to ask for another type of anti-depressants. I've also managed to find counselling through a local special needs charity which starts on Monday. I think the reason that it all goes wrong at night is because it can - I spend all day holding it together and being super-mum for my lovely girls but no-one can keep it up 24 hours a day. At the moment I can't see and end to this all but I really hope the GP will be able to help me tomorrow.

Jenkeywoo It's common to find nights worse think part of is is it's dark an there is no on to talk to or take you mind off things

It's great you have found some counselling hope it helps Good luck at the docs tomorrow.

Haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to add that I take sertraline. I started when DS2 was 6m and was exclusively bf. He's now 21m, and still bf. I haven't noticed any side-effects in either of us, apart from perhaps a bit of numbness in my emotions. However, for all the upsides the AD's bring, I can cope with that.

Hope all went well at the GP on Friday

Laura, me too. Sertraline whilst bf. the side effects are minimal, didn't really notice any - as I would've hidden down a hole or gone to play on the railway line if i hadn't taken them...