Is anyone totally ok?

[Ilovedogs1]

Just that really. I had a complete breakdown last year. Totally unfunctioning, off work for months, suicidal breakdown.
I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and I'm doing ok. I'm back at work, functioning pretty well, socialising etc.
But everyday I wake up with a feeling of foreboding/dread. What will today bring? Will I feel ok? Will I feel ill again? How bad will the intrusive thoughts be today?
Keep plugging away, people say. You'll get there, you'll be ok. But 'what if ' I'm not. What then? I feel I'm on a knife edge and I could go either way. I also feel determined not to let this anxiety beat me. I know from talking to others that there are plenty of people with various MH issues. So, is anyone truly ok?
Thanks for reading my waffling. 🙂

No I don’t feel I’ve ever been totally ok. Grew up with low self esteem and anxiety. Hated my body and my teeth etc etc.
breakdown and psychiatric issues at 20
so many other things I can’t even go into it. Each day ruminating and catastrophising .
im nearly 60. Worry a lot. But I also have developed a different and more positive outlook as I’ve got older. Also I have taken anti depressants for 30 years now
these days I’m so much happier than I was as a young woman.

Nope, I'm not ok, but I am better than what I was a few years ago when I had a breakdown. I completely get you about waking up and wondering how you're going to feel today. It's a constant worry if I'll feel as ill as I did during my breakdown. You're not alone

No. I had a breakdown about five years ago. I'm 90% better, but that 10% can be a PITA sometimes. I know what triggers me and what to do to feel better, so it's manageable.

I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals from age 30.. I'm 65.
Had first mental breakdown age 28 ( after a drug gang rape).. had abusive partner then same with an husband..
Diagnosed with clinical depression.
Still having counselling.
Just paid for some sessions of EMDR ( Counselling/ CBT hasn't worked for me.. but it does for some).
Most days I'm fine.. but when the black cloud desends there is nothing l can do.
I wish you a lovely day and hope things improve.. and please don't forget to ask for help if you need it.. ( I've become best friends with a Samaritan on the phone .. I've never met).

I always say that anxiety is 90% fear of being anxious. Once you’re really confident that you’ve got the tools to deal with the anxiety if it arrives, it mostly disappears.

At one point I was diagnosed with PTSD, GAD and panic disorder. I’d have panic attacks numerous times a day and rarely left the house. Most of my panic attacks stemmed from worrying about having a panic attack. Now I’m 99% recovered, but I know if I stop working on it (meditation, breath work, and using CBT techniques) it will come back. But if it does, I know I can get on top of it and I don’t fear it anymore.

It’s really positive that you’re aware of these thoughts and feelings. You sound like you’re doing really well. Take that confidence that you’ve gained from your recovering as much as you have (which is amazing in a year!) and know that you will eventually stop waking up with that feeling of doom because you’re doing the right things. Often these horrid intrusive thoughts just become a habit, so don’t give any power to them. Just recognise they’re there, then let them go. If the worst does happen, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. x

I had struggled with my mental health from the time I was a teenager. I was almost sectioned with PND but thankfully found a treatment that seemed to work. Now I feel mentally healthy most of the time, despite my DH's death. Recovery is possible.

Every day is a struggle. Get up, grit teeth, try to work though things that need to be done and try not to think about how pointless my existence is. Slump in front of the TV for the evening, not even watching really then go to bed, lie awake for hours then get up and repeat.
Sorry not a positive reply OP, but maybe it helps to know you are not alone in your struggles?

You're not going to get a balanced view on the MH forum; maybe try again on AIBU?

But yes, I'm truly OK. Not 100% hearts and flowers every day (how boring would that be?!) but I am grateful to be me when I wake up in the morning.

Even those days when I really, really want to turn over and go back to sleep.