Be gentle - will GP allow me to talk about DH mental health?

[drspouse]

DH is not coping and I think he's having panic attacks plus he has been making statements suggesting he's going to self-harm.
He has T1 diabetes which is mainly in control but he knows it's dangerous not to treat it and knows how to not treat it and says he'll "just not bother eating anything".

The background to this is we have a DS who has SEN and can be aggressive. I am finally coping more calmly with this after years of anti-depressants, mindfulness and now seeing a counsellor. We have more of a plan with DS to enable him to cope better with frustrations (it does not work to remove "triggers" from him because they are everywhere and we cannot control them, but he is gradually becoming more resilient and able to cope with anxiety e.g. yesterday he had his flu sniff at school for the first time in 5 years!).

But if he is panicking or saying things like the above then DS also thinks this is exciting (i.e. DH panicking gives him the reaction he wants).

I am pretty sure these are NOT concrete plans but they are definitely worrying.
DH won't do anything about it (he just says, well they'll just send me on another CBT course - he's been on 3 I think) and I can't really get him to leave (not without involving the police), plus I don't think that would help anyone.

Can I get in touch with the GP and ask for advice/for them to contact him?

Hi OP,

Yes this is very worrying. Is he on anti depressants? If he’s not following his diabetic needs that’s very worrying.

You can speak to your GP but ultimately to help they will need to see him. You could always tell them the details and arrange for them to phone him or something though.

Are you able to chat to him about the impact it’s having on your son?

I get it with the therapy, I think a different person can make a difference but I don’t blame him for losing hope.

DH has messaged the GP (this is how we contact them these days). He said he was including the potential panic attacks but though I mentioned the neglect of his diabetes I'm not completely sure he's mentioned that. I will ask for a debrief after he's seen the GP.

He knows it's not great for DS, he has on several occasions taken himself out of the house when he's not coping but he's not really able to do that mid panic attack. He also tends to catastrophise out loud (I'm a big one for catastrophising but I do it in my head e.g. if we have plans to go out and DH gets worked out he will loudly proclaim "I can't do it, we can't do X, we're not doing it" which gets DS into a mood of "well I'm not doing it then, if I play up enough we'll just stay home and I'll get to watch TV" and DD in an equally panicky mood (as she is quite affected by DS) "we can't go Mummy, you can't cope with both of us" (actually, they are often easier to manage when they are with just 1 parent!)

It sounds like he is in diabetes burnout on top of everything else, would contacting his diabetes care team help?
There's a T1 subred for immediate venting possibilities if he wants to join that. It's very non-jedgmental and lots of people there struggle.
Does he have a CGM or would it be possible for him to get one to help a bit with the management?

*judgemental

He does have a CGM and a pump - he's a very organised and able patient - has spreadsheets of his data - I think he finds the patient groups rather like we find the parent EHCP groups - we end up teaching everyone else.
He's seeing the GP on Friday, yay.

Hi @drspouse , just bear in mind the GP will have to abide by confidentiality rules, so may not be able to help as much as you’d like.

they can listen to your concerns, but can’t discuss anything regarding his health (mental or physical) with you unless your DH gives explicit consent. So the GP cannot legally give you ‘a debrief’ after his appointment.

Update - he's been prescribed serataline - and referred to a mental health walking group. Will try and make sure he goes! He's already fretting about the weather and when it will be (anxiety talking I think).

That’s great news - really positive steps. Hopefully the sertraline will make a difference. If it’s shocking weather I’m sure he can skip a week!