My mother-in-law is driving me nuts!

[taniashort]

I have a depressed mother-in-law. I have anxiety problems because my child can go into anaphylactic shock because he has a serious nut allergy and idiopathic urticaria which means he goes into anaphylaxis 'because his body just wants to.' Anyway to the point:
I listen endlessly to my MIL's worries and problems, I listen and try to help but tonight she just carried on and finally said "I'm so angry I don't want to be on the line and hung up". She's clearly on her hyper-cycle so needs to reduce her medication and I SHOULD listen to her BUT: she's not my mum, she's rude and takes up so much time, I really could do without the stress. We've got to go to her house for easter and she can't be bothered to get nut-free food in for my son so I have to bring all the food for the whole of the easter break with me - So girl-friends: what do I do - bite my tongue and just keep supporting - or do I have a hissie-fit and sulk? I'm interested in your input as you'll see it from both sides of the relationship
in need of advice
tx

I'd be tempted to get caller ID for my phone to be honest. I'd also try to have a bit of control of my own destiny....can you tell her that Easter is at yours unless your childs potentially fatal allergy is fully catered too? This shouldn't just be your worry.

Yep - it would be good to but it seems to be important to my husband (who I dearly love) and to my MIL that we spend Easter there. I suspect I'm bringing the food because she's petrified of harming my son.
I do have caller Id and you're right - I could just ignore her for a bit and chill out.

Well that sounds a bit better.

She talks to you because you are nice and you listen, so in many ways it is a big compliment and says that you are a good person. But you are not a counsellor and have problems of your own, so don't feel you have to answer whenever she calls - that's fine. Go on the visit, go out with the son a lot so you don't get too stir crazy and you can allow your husband and her to chat without the baby around (a good excuse to use!) If someone's really depressed, on medication and not that focused you don't want them vetting the food anyway if the allergy is serious.

PS If you are anxious she won't be helping. First job for when you get back - thinking about ways to make you feel better and your life easier. Maybe book up a treat now so you have something to look forward to?

I never speak to my MIL on the phone - that's dh's job. Would it be possible for you to do the same - caller ID, answering machine to screen calls? You have enough on your plate without having to act as an unpaid counsellor - if you can't cope with her offloading onto you, then don't answer her calls.

I suspect you're right - she relies on you to get the food because she doesn't trust herself to buy allergy-free. At least she's not denying his allergy and trying to feed him food which would harm him - like some MILs on threads I've read!

love you all for being there - good idea on the treat and taking time out with the kids while we're there. But I would struggle to stop calling my MIl; the difference would be too obvious not to hurt her. She does need to be listened to - she's in a tough place at the moment - but does she have to be so rude? Is this the norm for you if you're depressed or, even if you're depressed should you have the wherewithall to be more polite?
t