Suicidal - what helped you recover

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Have felt suicidal for three years.
Anyone else felt this? And how did anyone get better?

Hello,
Sorry to hear that. I don't have any experience myself but just want you to know that you are not alone and there is a safe space here to talk and people will listen. I'm sure others will be along soon! Do you have anyone with you for support?

I stopped drinking as that made things worse. I also thought about the hurt I would cause to my teenage daughter if I did anything stupid.
I Slept lots and went for long walks or a run and took one day at a time.
What is making you feel suicidal? Mine was a messy divorce after a tough marriage.

The walk and run thing is a great idea.
It's all just gone wrong. Very wrong. Am in a very hard place.

Oh FUCK Mumsnet and/or my phone for its bugs.

Wrote a huge long thing but if you can’t exercise (I had a huge downslide during Covid due to a broken metatarsal, now too weak to exercise anyway but have a broken toe) but walking and running help if you’re physically capable. Sometimes all I get in a day is not terrifying my boyfriend, a friend doing a like reaction to a message, my cat purring. It’s tiny steps but when you’re in this mental state pigeon steps are more than good enough. I can’t write this and say “you are loved” or something because m sure you are but it often doesn’t feel like that and our heads often tell us it’s wrong anyway. Just find a tiny little thing in the world that makes you feel good. Maybe it’s feeding the birds your toast sometimes. Maybe it’s a partner or other family member. Maybe it’s a friend you love being told they are loved. Maybe it’s a little pet that you’re able to look after. Sometimes it’s even a blanket or soft toy (I have my own blanket and my boyfriend has given me a little soft toy), my little cat is my responsibility and a friend got me through three months last year because I assigned myself the responsibility of telling her she was loved. Running and walking help - it sounds and probably looks stupid but if you’re strong enough to be safe swinging in the local park is also AWESOME - but sometimes we can’t. Do what you need for yourself, take care and know you are valued. One baby step at a time.

Is there an underlying reason why you feel like this?
I had a period of depressed, eating disorder which did lead to suicidal thoughts for a time. My divorce was the trigger so I did always have in mind that there was a cause.
I got better with intense MH support for the ED, medication and above all, time.
I have always exercised and helped hugely (though obsessional at times so not healthy). A few very good friends were my rocks.
Calling Samaritans when I just wanted to cry and cry to get it out of my system so I could carry on.

Exercise and talk therapy. And lockdown lifting. Mostly exercise. ----

I am really sorry you have been feeling suicidal for so long.
What worked for me personally:
Journaling
Quitting alcohol
Severe culling of my social life: no contact with people who made me feel bad
Nature walks
Learning to accept that what had happened was appalling but I won't let it rob me out of more of my life, reframing the narrative of my life as if I'm talking about and to a good friend. Changing the narrative and inner chatter. I would write what it was saying like a huge purge. Leave my journal, breathe go for a walk have a cup of tea, come back and write a response with an alternative or challenging questions to those 'facts' my inner critic was spouting at me.
I read and watched loads of materials on healing inner child, complex ptsd, accepting life.
I only watched and listened to uplifting things. Had to stop watching the news.

Please don't give up, life can get better.

I'm just reading a book by Raymond Moody on near death experiences. Apparently when suicidal people were given accounts of ndes to read it lessened their desire for suicide. I don't know if that's true but it's a Dr Greyson,Dr of emergency psychiatry in university of Connecticut that did the research. There are many nde accounts on YouTube.

I urge you to keep trying different things, different therapies, different exerises or arts or whatever. Don't stop trying to get better 💐

Medication is a big part of it for me.

It doesn't take those feelings away entirely, but it sort of creates a barrier between me and the suicidal thoughts--so I can't feel them as intensely.

I went onto an antidepressant it has helped a lot.

Talk therapy to get all my sadness out. And also studying for a degree - massively boosted my self esteem.

Medication - although it took a couple of months to work well. Walking or other exercise. Giving up alcohol which I found really hard as it was my crutch. Avoiding friends who bought me down with toxic positivity. I used to get so frustrated then a friend told me I need to focus on me. So being selfish is good. My relationship is tricky and avoiding my partner when I felt he didn't get it also took pressure off.
This lead to sleep and I'm at the stage now where I can go to work, look after my kids and do one task every day. I'm waiting for improvements so not perfect but I'm not desperate. I'm only alive as my friend committed suicide last year and my kids were devastated.

Lots of things. My little hamster who would run to see me as soon as she heard me get up. I couldn't bear the thought of her little face waiting for me and realising I'm not coming.

My beloved parents who I didnt want to hurt. They would have never recovered.

My amazing counsellor who would have been devastated and blamed himself. (He told me that)

Bless you Balloonhearts. Someone would probably have fed the horses when we had them but not only would my cat be hungry, she’d probably snack on me after a couple of hours and then someone would have to find me.

Also at the moment my younger boyfriend is worried I’m going to do it and just the tone of his voice when he asks “is tonight the night” makes me put away whatever I’m preparing with. I can’t make my brain resolve it but I couldn’t bear to upset him and I can’t even imagine what I would do if I had to see his cold body.

How are you feeling now days? X

I spent years on an anti depressants that wasn't working a change of medication can make a huge difference and did for me also therapy has helped and thinking about how suicide would affect your child or children for life and just avoiding triggers if you have plans don't put yourself in a position where it could happen do something else even if it's just going to bed

Same for me, too. There is nothing worse, ever as far as I'm concerned in feeling there is no point in living any more.
Sertraline has saved me this time, other types of SSRI, SRNI's plus sleeping tablets have also helped me as I was partly feeling this way because of lifelong insomnia.
I also became involved with an animal charity for a good few years which kept my mind occupied-when its occupied I'm a lot better, mentally. I'm one of those people who can mask extremely well and nobody would have suspected a thing. I simply could not stop crying at my worst - every day for about a year. Exhausted and demented with insomnia, helping care for a parent (for years), unable to see kids who were at Uni during covid and my elderly parent who was I'll was too vulnerable to risk my seeing my own children. Bff died at beginning of lockdown with breast cancer, lost my DDog and DCat around then and relationship broke up.
Can honestly say those tablets were a life saver and I'm so glad I'm still here, with my longed for Ddog and my now 6month old puppy. I'm so damned happy (well content)-happy is a big ask, but those Ddogs bring me such joy, as do my kids now they're older and back in my life.
There's a saying OP, "life builds scars" and by God it does. Nobody escapes a physical or emotional scar during their life as they age.
Also "Nothing stays the same forever" (good or bad and even if you want it to).
You CAN beat this ❤️

Thank you all xxx

It will get better I was utterly depressed for 17 years and thought about ending it all. I am glad I didn't I grew older and really appreciate being able to get up, drive to work come home and fire fight. All I think of is the people who are sick in hospital in their last days. I hate my job it would probably be the dream of the unemployed I hate my house and it would probably be the dream of a homeless person. When I get annoyed or upset and I can't sleep I think of someone in a doorway soaking wet with rain and rodents climbing over them. When I think of sick people I also think of the NHS how lucky we are. Life is hard but always remember there is someone somewhere who would love what you have. Reach out to people go and see your doctor. Volunteering has really helped me at a homeless shelter I also collect for a children's hospice. Have something to look forward to may it be a hair cut, a facial or a new restaurant. I also got a crochet book and I can actually do a full cardigan. Please share how you feel. If you like a drink try and stop I find that the chemicals are utterly poisonous to my makeup. Xxxxx remember you are not alone. Talk 🗣️ spit it all out with someone

Sertraline for the past two years. I’m ok on it but recently have wondered if I need a higher dose. Walking helps, and I do enjoy shopping when I can afford it. Also thoughts of who I’d leave behind and then the worst thought…if it went wrong in some way and I was left disabled!